Vanishing
by Anonymous Skrtle
Summary: Carlos Garcia felt like he was vanishing. Everyone who used to care for him had changed completely. People he had trusted in started hurting him, betraying him. He didn't know who would care about him anymore. He knew he wasn't worth it anymore.
1. School

_**Chapter 1**_

School. The one word all four boys of Big Time Rush always dreaded to hear, especially when their names were linked into the sentence. It was a miracle that the four actually found a school that they didn't completely despise. The Palm Woods School.

The teacher was nice, the kids there were all familiar, and there wasn't much homework given. The guys loved it. But as always, Gustavo had to ruin it for them all. The chubby man had called the boys into the studio and told them that they were going to attend a regular public high school. They were only to take the classes they needed to take, so they could come back to Rocque Records during lunch. Math, Language Arts, History, Science. Ugh.

"What? But I _love_ this school!" James whined, putting his head in his tan hands. Kendall, Logan, and Carlos nodded along with him. "Why do we have to switch?"

Gustavo's face seemed to grow a shade redder. "Because I said so!" He yelled, making all four boys flinch. Kelly whispered something into Gustavo's ear, and Gustavo grumbled and left the room. Kelly sighed and glanced at the apologetically.

"Griffin thinks you guys aren't getting enough education. He thinks Mrs. Collins's teaching methods are stupid and misleading. He wants you guys to get a different type of education." Kelly explained, hurriedly shuffling through her papers. The four guys sighed, their eyes turning a shade grayer. They were leaving the best school in the world; why wouldn't they be sad?

"Well, since he's our stupid _boss_," Kendall reluctantly said, "Then I guess we gotta do it." Kelly smiled at him gratefully. She didn't know _what_ she'd do if the boys went on strike _again_ and didn't listen to her or Gustavo. One time was enough, and Big Time Rush could break up again if the boys went on strike once again.

"Yeah, I guess so too," James grumbled. Logan and Carlos nodded, too.

That's when everything started to fall apart.

_Line line line _

"Coolidge High School? What kind of name is _that?_" Kendall asked incredulously, staring at the huge letters carved in stone. The wind blew in his face, messing up his blonde hair.

Logan grinned. "It's named after Calvin Coolidge. Thirtieth president of the United States of America. Born in-" James interrupted him.

"Okay, genius, we don't need to hear about his fifteen warts, alright?" The pretty boy muttered sarcastically.

"Well, actually, it was reported that Coolidge had about _four_ warts and- James put his hand over the smart boy's mouth, shutting him up completely. Logan rolled his eyes and stopped speaking. If they didn't want to learn about Coolidge, or Coolidge's warts, then it was their loss.

The four boys returned to staring opened mouthed at the huge brown and white brick school. Gustavo and Kelly had dropped them off in a van, not a limo, because Gustavo didn't want to draw attention or something. You'd think he didn't like the fame Big Time Rush had, or the massive exposure he was always working his butt off for. Gustavo also made sure none of the people in the school even _knew_ about Big Time Rush, because he didn't want them to be getting "special treatment that they didn't deserve".

Kendall stared at the school with curiosity and a little bit of excitement. He was actually pretty pumped up about going to a real school after one year of the small Palm Woods School, though he'd never admit it to anyone. He could join a hockey team or something, even though they still had to rehearse and stuff. The school was close enough for him to bike there after rehearsal, anyways. And they only had to attend school for _half_ a day. He could start being a hockey star again, just like in Minnesota. Of course, he wouldn't give up his musical career for it. But he'd enjoy just playing it for the fun of it.

James was excited. Period. He loved exposure to teens, especially the teenage girls of the world. The _pretty_ teenage girls. He knew they'd all fall for him. After all, what girl in her right mind _wouldn't?_ He was handsome, pretty, nice, a good singer, a good dancer. Who wouldn't like him? And now, not one of the girls would be snobby idiots who only cared only about fame. They were going to be genuine girls. At least he hoped so. Not only that, but James was also excited for a change from being at the Palm Woods eighteen hours a day, too.

Logan was planning to get a head start on school already. He like this school better, because now, he could be in AP and honor classes, and not have to worry about people thinking he was _too_ smart. Well, he still had to worry about that, but at least there'd be other boys and girls his age who were just as smart, if not smarter, than he. Finally, no one would stare at him blankly after he recited the first three parts of the US Constitution, or when he explained things in detail. There wasn't really anyone smarter than him in the Palm Woods School, so his homework was always pretty easy. He actually thought he was smarter than the teacher herself...

Carlos honestly didn't care _what_ school they were attending. School was always boring during class, and exciting during the breaks and recess and all that other fun stuff. He was excited to meet new people because after all, he was a people person, right? This was a new school, a new place to explore, and a new home of people. This was their senior year, and he wanted to make the best out of it. The optimistic boy was sure this was going to be a fantastic year, maybe even the best school year ever.

Little did he know just how wrong he was.

_Line line line_

The boys received their schedules after they finally mustered enough courage to step into the crowded, huge school. Everyone stared at them. The boys glanced around curiously, trying to ignore the gazes burning into their heads. They were used to see their hundreds, even thousands of fans screaming and jumping up and down whenever they stepped onto the stage, but they were a little freaked out by the tens of people glancing their way silently in the hallways of a public high school. It was ironic, really.

The principal gave them their schedules, welcomed them, and led them to their lockers. He left them there after telling them to get their things ready for their first class. Mrs. Knight and Kelly and Gustavo had bought them all their needed supplies, so they unloaded them into their lockers. Folders, pencils, pens, notebooks, calculators, anything that they could imagine that was needed for school. They were still in awe about the huge school. It was about 2 times bigger than their old school in Minnesota, and had about twice as much people.

"How cool is _this?_" Carlos said excitedly. His locker was right in between Kendall's and Logan's. James's locker was next to Logan's, at the very side. James took the longest to get ready, because somehow, he thought it necessary to put hair supplies and his lucky comb into his locker.

"James? You really shouldn't bring this stuff to school, man. Someone's gonna steal it," Logan pointed out, eyes widening as he peeked into the pretty boy's locker. It was practically full, and it was only the first day of school for them.

James rolled his eyes. "No one's gonna steal from me once they realize how _awesome_ I truly am," he said, the tone in his voice stating that the fact was obvious. The other three rolled their eyes and decided to leave James alone about his locker issues. He'd learn by himself.

"What do you have first, buddy?" Kendall asked Carlos. Carlos showed him his schedule. His first class was Science, and so was Kendall's. James had English, and Logan had AP Math. "How could they put me in a different class from you and Carlos?" James whined to Kendall, looking disappointed. After investigating more of their schedule, all of them were glad when they all had History together. It turned out that the school only had two levels of History. Let's just say that none of the boys were dumb enough to be in the _other_ level of History

"Well, we're gonna be yelled at if we don't hurry up soon," Kendall pointed out. The others nodded, and started to get their supplies and head off to their first class. It was either going to be a nightmare or a beautiful dream that they'd never want to wake up in.

"Good luck," James muttered, walking off. Logan followed soon after. Kendall and Carlos glanced at each other, and then headed off in the opposite direction. They all really needed some good luck.

**A/N- NEW STORY! Who's excited? Well, I hope lots of ya out there who are suckers for Carlos angst are… cuz this is gonna be angsty. I've been planning this for… a long time. ;) First chapter is boring…. But I promise the next ones will be pretty good! **

**So PLEASE review this chapter? I wanna know if you guys like this story so far, or if ya hate it. It's gonna basically be about Carlos having problems at school, and family, and other stuff... can't give away too much detail! Review?**

**Peace Love, and New Story,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	2. Meeting New People

_**Chapter 2**_

"Class, welcome out new student, Logan Mitchell!" Logan looked down and blushed when everyone in class started greeting him and waving. He never like attention, and this was _way_ too much public attention for him. No one knew why Logan was never scared out on stage in front of thousands of screaming people. He wasn't scared there, but he was freaking out here.

"Alright, Logan, I will get you a textbook, and we're learning about Calculus. We just started last week, so hopefully you can catch up," the teacher explained quickly, handing Logan a brand new textbook. Logan loved the scent of new books, and so he self-consciously sniffed it. No one saw him, or at least he hoped so.

As the teacher began explaining the day's lesson, Logan took some notes and found that this was the perfect class. It wasn't too hard, but it wasn't too easy, either. It was mildly challenging for him, and he liked the feeling of being challenged like that. He was never challenged enough these years, and he felt like his brain was being fried with video games and music all day long back in the Palm Woods.

He was also grateful that he was actually in a class with smart people. Sometimes, it would annoy him when Kendall, James, and especially Carlos didn't understand what he was talking about. He always had to say it in simpler language just so they could understand it. But here, he could talk all nerdy, and everyone would just talk all nerdy back to him. The class sped by quickly, and Logan learned a bunch of new things.

The teacher told them they could just talk quietly to each other until the bell rang in 3 minutes, because "you guys are progressing so fast and zipping through our lesson plans" or something like that.

Logan glanced around curiously, eager and nervous to meet the new kids in his math class. He was always eager to meet people with the same intelligence as he, but also always nervous to meet new people and see what they thought about him.

"Hi." Logan turned around suddenly when he heard a sweet voice greet him. His eyes widened when she saw the beautiful girl standing in front of him. She sat down in the desk behind Logan's, which was empty for some reason, and smiled at him.

"Um, hey," Logan tried to grin back, but for some reason, he couldn't. The girl giggled at his attempt at smiling, but it was a friendly kind of laugh.

"I'm Alana. Nice to meet you," she held out her hand, and Logan shook it gratefully. He was really liking this girl. She was nice, pretty, and mostly, she was smart. It was like Phoebe Nachee all over again.

"I'm Logan. Well, you probably already know that, but yeah…" Logan trailed off awkwardly, smacking himself mentally for being so stupid. But the girl didn't seem to notice his awkwardness, and just smiled back.

"Well, I guess I'll be heading off. Where are you going next?"

"AP Science."

"I am too! You wanna walk with me there? I could show you where it is," the girl offered, standing up. Logan nodded, and the bell rang.

"Come on, Logan," the girl grabbed his hand and rushed out of the classroom. Logan followed her, glad that he had just made his first friend in this huge high school.

_Line line line _

"Everyone, this is James Diamond. James, meet… _everyone_." The teacher introduced lamely, turning his back and typing something in his laptop. James smiled and waved at everyone. Their stares bore into him, and James was having the time of his life. He was getting all the attention. That was what he was striving for anyways, right?

James barely paid any attention during class. The teacher explained something about the pronouns and reflexive verbs or something like that. He wasn't even sure. But he copied down everything in his notebook, and figured that Logan could explain it to him when he got home.

He was too busy checking out the ladies to pay attention to English, anyways. There were a bunch of pretty girls in this class, and James was currently picking out which one was going to be the lucky lady he asked out. Was it going to be the tall blonde, the cute British girl, the shy brunette, or the skinny blue eyed chick?

When the bell rang, James decided on the tall blonde girl. He didn't really know her name, so he was about to go up and ask her. Someone pulled him back.

"Dude! What are you _doing_?" James turned around and saw a guy a few inches shorter than he was with blue eyes and black hair. An odd combination, but James liked it. His hair looked like it had been combed and played with for hours in front of a mirror, very similar to his hair.

"Um, asking out that blonde chick?" James answered in a "duh" voice. The guy scoffed.

"Dude, you can't just go up to her and ask. She's one of the popular chicks in school. You gotta get up to her popularity level before you can even _talk_ to her," he said, smiling to show that he didn't mean anything rude by his statement.

James nodded. "I know where you're going… I like your hair by the way, man," he pointed out, getting off topic. James Diamond tended to do that often.

The guy grinned. "Thanks. I work super hard on it. I like yours too."

James held out his hand. "James Diamond."

The guy shook hands with him. "Christopher. Christopher Bluestone. People call me "Chip". Let's get going before we're late." He turned off to leave, and James glanced down to see that his schedule was laying face up right on top of his desk. He assumed the Chip had the same class next, and had glanced at his schedule to know of that fact.

James hurried off to his next class, unaware of where he was going, but aware that he had just gotten one step closer to becoming the star of this high school.

_Line line line_

"This is Kendall Knight and Carlos Garcia. Everyone say hi." The teacher cooed, smiling at her two new students. They looked responsible and obedient. She just hoped their looks reflected their attitudes.

Carlos nervously glanced up at Kendall when everyone started greeting them in different ways. Kendall smiled down at him encouragingly. He was enjoying this, all these new people. He couldn't really pinpoint the reason_ why_, but he knew he actually sort of liked it here.

Carlos didn't really know how he felt about this school, or even _school_ in general. He was nervous with all the new people staring at him. It made him feel small. But he was also excited. This was like a new adventure to him; a huge school with huge people and small people and all different types of things.

The two boys sat down and began learning. The teacher talked about biology and how the liver in the human body worked. Kendall actually thought looking at pictures of dead peoples' body parts were pretty cool, but Carlos was a little disgusted and freaked out at looking at them. He'd never let people see his liver after he died.

After class, Kendall headed off to English, or Language Arts, and Carlos headed off to Math class. Both classes that they hated. But that was what school was, right?

Kendall entered an upstairs classroom, and bumped into someone. The guy standing in front of him was _huge_, probably a couple inches taller than James even. Kendall wasn't intimidated, though. He'd met lots of people like that in hockey tournaments before. Even though they scared Logan and Carlos, James and he were never scared of them. They were boys just like them.

"Um, sorry, man…" Kendall started to dodge past the huge boulder, but he was stopped.

"Hey, you. You look like the sports kind of guy," the huge guy told him, raising his eyebrows.

Kendall nodded. "Yeah, I used to be the star captain of my hockey team," he told him, feeling proud of himself.

The big guys laughed. "The star captain, huh? Well, why don't you try out for the hockey team on Friday? If you're actually as good as you say you are, then you'll definitely make it."

Kendall grinned. "Alright, I see ya there."

"My name's Jason." The big guys said gruffly, turning around to leave.

"Kendall! Nice to meet ya!" Kendall called back, amused at Jason's hurry to leave.

The whole hockey team thing was really actually easier than he'd thought it would be. He was already aware of the day. Today was Tuesday, and he was pretty sure Jason meant _this_ Friday. He just had to figure out where and when the tryouts were, and he was all set.

Life was good.

_Line line line _

Carlos walked down the huge hallways in the huge school surrounded by huge lockers and huge people. Even though he was a senior, there were still a bunch of freshmen taller than he was. Carlos felt scared in this huge place, and yet amused, too. He like seeing all the new things.

He opened the wooden door leading into his math classroom. 35 pairs of eyes stared up at him. Carlos shifted his position and coughed. All those eyes. Staring at _him_.

The teacher finally noticed how uncomfortable Carlos was, and stood up. "Class, this is Carlos Garcia. Many of you probably know him, but some of you don't. Welcome him and don't be mean, alright?" The class nodded, all changing their gazes back at Carlos. The Latino timidly sat down at an empty desk at the back corner of the room, right next to the window. In front of him sat a pretty girl, and next to him sat a huge, burly boy. It was pretty obvious which one he'd enjoy more during the school year.

The girl glanced back and smiled shyly at Carlos. Carlos grinned back, noticing just how pretty the girl actually was.

The boy turned in his seat until he was facing Carlos. The rest of the people, to Carlos's relief, had turned back to their own conversations and weren't paying any more attention to him. The huge guy grinned, showing yellow, crooked teeth.

"Hey, short guy," he greeted. Carlos bit his lip. Was that a good thing or a bad thing when someone called you "short"?

"Uh, hi," Carlos quietly replied. The guy smirked.

"What? Are you too scared to talk now or what? Don't worry, I might punch ya but I won't bite ya," the guy said, laughing and clenching his fists. Carlos gulped and looked down. Was _that_ a good thing or bad thing?

"Uh, okay?" Carlos said meekly, the statement coming out more as a question. He didn't really know how to respond to that. He still couldn't tell if the guy meant good or bad, but before he could say anymore, the bell had rung, and the teacher started boring the whole class with something horrible called math.

**A/N- So… how'd ya think? And don't worry, this story WILL be focusing on Carlos, but you gotta know about the other guys, too, right? Carlos is gonna be in every chapter (yay!) but the other guys may appear periodically. ;) **

**And guess what? In English class yesterday, we learned a new word. SNOW JOB! I know, it sounds wrong… but it means to "deceive someone of your real motive in an attempt to flatter or persuade". Interesting, huh?**

**Peace, Love, and Snow Jobs,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	3. Lunch

_**Chapter 3**_

"That's Simon Peterson. He's the school jock, heartthrob, and the most popular guy ever. _Every_ guy wants to be him," Chip explained quietly to James, who was staring at Simon in envy. He wanted to be in that position; girls hanging around him, people smiling at him, being popular.

"Well, his name sounds _so_ nerdy," James pointed out, a little louder than he'd meant it to be. The Simon guy turned around and glared at James. James wasn't even fazed by the glare. After all, he'd had thousands of experiences with _the_ Gustavo Rocque, hadn't he?

"Um, _what_ did you just say?" Simon asked coldly, his eyes darkening.

James rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure you heard, Simone, or are you deaf?" James retorted, already enjoying the new nickname he'd made for Simon.

Simon writhed in anger. "Who the heck are you, anyways? Who do you think you are?"

James grinned. "I'm James Diamond, and I _think_ I'm way better looking than you are," James introduced himself. By now, a crowd was starting to gather around the scene, and James was pleased when some of the people glanced at him with admiration in their eyes. He could tell that not many people would ever even think of standing up to Simon like he was.

Simon lunged at James, but James grabbed his arm and twisted it. James pushed the idiot back, and Simon stumbled a few steps. James grinned at the crowd, grabbed Chip's collar, and pulled him away from the scene. The two turned into a different hall, heading towards the cafeteria. Chip kept on glancing at James like he was Hercules or something. Honestly, James enjoyed that look.

"Dude, you just… I mean… he-" Chip stopped himself, not knowing what to say.

"Yeah, I did. So?"

Chip stared at his new friend, wide eyed. "But that guy's freaks everyone out, and you just pushed him like he was _nothing_," Chip said, his eyes widening. James was suddenly reminded of Carlos when he was scared or surprised.

"You know what? I'm not scared of that guy. He's just a dude like all of us," James told him honestly. "And, you remind me of my friend."

Chip raised his eyebrows. "Oh, really? One of those new guys who came with you?"

James nodded. "The short one with the helmet." Everyone would know who James was talking about right when he said the word "helmet". Carlos always had his helmet, and he didn't seem to care that people were starting to think he was weird. And it was only the _fifth_ day of school. That just wasn't right. It was only their first Monday in this school, and Carlos had already made a reputation for himself. And it wasn't really a _good_ one, either.

"Oh, that guy's a little… never mind." Chip turned away and stared at a piece of chewed gum in the crack of the wall.

James shrugged. "Let's go. I'm _starving,_ man."

_Line line line_

Kendall loved the look on Jason's face after he scored the winning hockey goal for his team. The shock, the amazement, the- _RIIIINNNGG!_

Kendall snapped out of his thoughts when the bell rung. Everyone left the classroom as if there was a deadly virus in there or something. Kendall collected his books, and was the last one out. He headed for lunch, trying to ignore his grumbling stomach. The tryouts on Friday went really well, and he was pretty sure he at least made one of the wingmen positions. Kendall had filled out on his application form that he loved playing offense, and sucked at goalie. Well, he was better than most, but he could name bunches of people better than him at goalie. Like James, for example, who had also tried out for the team. Actually, all four of them did, and Kendall was pretty sure they'd all made it.

It had started great, and ended great, too. Everyone took turns shooting from the halfway line, and the coach said that Kendall showed great skill. When they were playing a practice game, Kendall's team won 12-3, and Kendall shot almost all of those goals. He could tell that the coach liked him, because he was the only person he _didn't'_ yell at. He only yelled at James once for not paying attention to the goal (he was fixing his hair) and losing his team two goals. He never yelled at Logan, either, but he probably yelled at Carlos the most. Carlos kept on talking and talking and never stopping, and it was getting really annoying, even to Kendall. He also kind of messed up a lot, because his attention was focused on a red stain on the ice or something else.

Kendall's heart pounded as he glanced at the chart of the tryout results. He was overjoyed when he saw that he'd made the position of center. That was probably the best position there was. James made the goalie. Logan and Carlos were defense players. This school was seriously better than he'd thought it was. Kendall was so happy that he actually went on over to Jason and bragged about it. Jason had made it as a wingman.

Jason tried to look like he didn't care, but the attempt made him look even more pissed, but then he said something that made Kendall choke on his own spit. "Hey, you wanna hang out some time?" He said it like they were old friends or something, and suddenly, Kendall saw a different side of Jason. He _was_ mean, but Kendall was sure there was a reason for that. And Kendall liked his attitude; it reminded him of himself. Indifferent, stubborn, laid back.

"Sure. Are you free Friday after school?" Kendall asked. Gustavo had decided to give them the day off on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. He said it was one of their "treats", but Kendall knew Gustavo just didn't want to come on those days, either.

"5 o' clock okay? I'll bring my homework." Jason replied.

Kendall and Jason sat together at lunch without even planning it.

_Line line line_

"So, where ya from?" Alana asked, putting her hand on Logan's shoulder. Logan shifted; this girl reminded her of Camille. But Camille was currently dating Steve, and Logan was sort of sick of their on and off again relationship, anyways.

"Um, we moved here from Minnesota," Logan answered conversationally.

"Oh, isn't like, _really_ cold there?" Alana asked, putting her head on Logan's shoulder. The past few days, Logan had learned from listening to gossip that Alana was the popular girl in high school. Logan had no clue why such a popular girl would hang out with _him_, but Alana seemed to take a seriously liking to him. And the thing was, Logan liked her back.

"Yeah, but we got used to it." Logan said dismissively.

Alana grinned up at Logan. "Well, I think I can totally get used to you being here," she said flirtatiously, and Logan grinned back. He had never been so comfortable with a girl before, but Alana made him feel like _himself_. She didn't care that he was nerdy, because she kind of was, too. She liked his timid and shy attitude, even though she was bold and loud.

"I think I can too." Logan replied, raising his eyebrows. Alana giggled, and suddenly stood up and told Logan they should start moving.

"Let's go eat, Logie." Logan smiled at the nickname Alana had started to use, too. "The lines are seriously long, and I don't wanna stand there all day and wait. If we get there early enough, we don't have to wait as long," She explained quickly.

Logan nodded indifferently, and the two headed off towards lunch. Logan noticed some of the boys staring at him. He checked himself over; no dirt stains or food stains on his clothes. So why were people staring at him?

Logan decided to ignore them for now. He was heading off to lunch with the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen before. This couldn't get any better.

_Line line line _

Carlos watched sadly as James walked into the cafeteria with some new guy that he'd met in English class or something. He was handsome, with his eyes and his hair and his clothes. Just like James was. Kendall was sitting with this huge guy that Carlos remembered from somewhere, but couldn't recall the exact place. And Logan, Logan was sitting with one of the prettiest girls Carlos had ever seen. Logan was obviously having a great time with her, and the girl was, too. It was obvious in both of their eyes.

The Latino boy glanced down at his shoes, feeling like his heart was breaking into tiny little puzzle pieces. It was only the first week of school, and already his friends were ditching him for other people. Did they really hate him that much? Why couldn't _he_ find any friends? He was a people person, so why didn't _he_ have someone new to sit with at lunch?

All his classes had gone by tediously, for he had no one to talk with, and no one came up to him. The big guy in math class still freaked him out, because he kept on glaring in Carlos's direction. All the people in his classes just seemed to… _not_ right, for some strange reason. There were the jocks, the popular kids, the nerds, all the types of people you'd find in a school. But Carlos just didn't seem to fit with any of them.

He turned around and walked away from the cafeteria. He didn't want to be that kid who sat there alone at lunch, all friendless and lonely like he was. But he _was_ that loser kid, and he was trying to avoid admitting it to himself or anybody. He decided that he wasn't going to eat today. He didn't want to face that embarrassment of being alone during lunch.

Carlos walked into the farthest bathroom from the cafeteria, and was relieved but not surprised to see that no one else was there. He couldn't believe that his friends were ditching him. They were the only people he knew and relied on in this school, and they…

Carlos locked himself in a clean stall and slid down to the white tile floor. Tears spilled out of his eyes, and suddenly, he was crying all the hurt out of himself. The hurt he felt when he saw his friends sitting with other people at lunch… forgetting about him. He took off his helmet and hugged it against his chest, cradling it like it was a little baby. Everything hurt so bad right then, and he didn't even know how long he sat there crying. All he was aware of those next few minutes were that his friends weren't with them when he wanted them most, and that hurt him more than anything ever could.

That was when Carlos's life took a turn for the worse.

**A/N- So… what did ya think? Already, Carlos is starting to feel left out… darn, maybe this story is moving a little too quickly? But there's SO MUCH planned for this, so maybe it should move as quickly as it can… ;)**

**So please PLEASE review? I'm desperate.. really. ;) But seriously, please? I really need the encouragement this time in my life… **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	4. Water Fountain

_**Chapter 4**_

The guys were sitting tediously in their history classroom, the only class they had together. The teacher was doing something on the computer, and didn't look like he'd be done any time soon. James, Kendall, Logan, and Carlos sat together in the back corner, talking about their day so far. It was Tuesday, one day after Carlos's friends had ditched him at lunch.

"Dude! You know that hot chick, Alana?" Logan asked excitedly. Carlos nodded, not ever remembering Logan looking so eager or excited.

"She asked me out!" James and Kendall stopped what they were doing, and grinned.

"Seriously? That's awesome, man!" James cried, slapping Logan on the back. Logan didn't even flinch; he was grinning so hard. Carlos smiled at Logan, too, not really paying attention. A girl asked Logan out? Already? Maybe Logan _did_ have a little charm in him.

"And I'm hanging out with Jason on Friday…" Kendall added, grinning.

"And I'm going to the arcade with Chip," James finished off with a smirk. Carlos glanced down at the ground. He felt so left out. All his friends had other friends, but he had no one. Did no one… _care_ enough about him?

The bell rang, and Carlos actually paid attention in class. He had nothing else to do after school and rehearsals, so maybe he could get a head start on his homework. That thought would have never occurred to him before. But right now, he just wanted to get his mind off how no one seemed to remember he was there anymore.

Carlos practically ran out of the room when the bell rang for dismissal. It was lunchtime, something that he dreaded. He found that he had practically died at rehearsal yesterday because he was so hungry from not eating lunch. So now, he had to go in and face his fears alone. Carlos never thought food would cause him so much despair.

Maybe his friends would sit together this time? Maybe their friends would be busy and not able to join them? All of Carlos's hopes faded when he saw his friends positioned at the same places they were yesterday, with all of their new friends. Kendall was laughing with the jocks from the hockey team, Logan was talking to one of his girlfriend's friends, and James was reading a hair magazine with Chip.

Carlos sighed sadly, quickly getting his food and sitting down as far away as he could from his friends. He didn't want them to see how pathetically lonely he was at that moment. He was too embarrassed. He was too ashamed of himself. Why couldn't he make any new friends here?

He scooted over into the corner, trying to make himself as small as possible. People glanced at him, wondering why there was someone sitting all alone by himself during lunch. Carlos was wondering that, too. He didn't want to be sitting alone, but he had no choice, did he?

Carlos ate everything as fast as he could just so he could get out of there as quickly as he could. He hated this place, and he hated his friends for ditching him. They had always told Carlos that they'd stick together no matter what, but obviously, they broke their promises. But as Kendall always said, "When you break a promise, you also break a heart." But this time, they were breaking the heart of their best friend. Was he even their best friend anymore?

He could feel the stares of people all around him, glancing curiously at the loser kid eating a chicken sandwich with no one to talk to. Carlos concentrated on his food, and finally, he stood up and walked out of the cafeteria as quickly as he could. Some other people were getting up, too, and Carlos was glad he wasn't the only one standing up in the middle of hundreds of people. That would've been seriously nerve wrecking. He just wanted to get out of there.

Carlos was walking back to his locker when it happened. He bent down to get a drink of water, when suddenly, someone's rough hand pushed his head into the stream of water. It was only for a few seconds, but Carlos was choking and gasping from the sudden movement. He didn't even process what was happening until the hand disappeared off his head.

It took him a few more seconds to wipe the water off his face and to get his senses back. He would have never imagined that a water fountain would practically choke him. He heard people snickering, but when he turned around, he saw no one. They, or he or she, had gone.

The Latino boy walked into the empty bathroom, and wiped his face again with a brown paper towel. Why would someone do that? Why would someone just push his face into the water for fun? Nothing like that had ever happened to Carlos before, but he knew for sure at that moment that he was getting bullied.

Why was this happening to _him_? He was famous. He was in a boy band, and had girls screaming and chasing them all over the place. This wasn't supposed to happen to celebrities, right? Everyone loved them, right? Even though this school didn't know of them, Carlos was almost positive that the reason his three friends were doing so well was because they just had that fame factor in them already. People were drawn to them. So why weren't they drawn to _him_ like that?

Suddenly, Carlos had a horrible thought. What if no one liked him? What if girls just loved Big Time Rush because of Kendall and James and Logan? Carlos knew he wasn't as clever as Kendall, handsome as James, or as smart as Logan. He really had nothing going for him. What if none of those screaming fan girls even liked him? What if they were all just there because they loved Kendall, James, and Logan?

The more Carlos thought about it, the more sure he was of it. He wasn't the popular one in Big Time Rush. That was James, Kendall, and Logan. He was just the guy in the back who no one wanted, but had to have. It hurt him, but he knew it was true. Why else would he not have any friends in a place full of people? Why else would someone shove his face into a drinking fountain? He didn't have any charm or anything that stars usually did. He probably would've never even become popular if it weren't for his three best friends. He was lucky that he was friends with such caring people. They were the only friends he had right now. And he wasn't even sure they _wanted_ to be friends with him anyways.

After all, he _was_ only a friendless idiot, right?

_Line line line_

Kendall grinned at Jason as the huge boy returned from the bathroom. Kendall had found that Jason was pretty cool guy, and had much of the same interests as he did. Kendall was really liking Jason, and that was a rare thing for someone like Kendall Knight to say. He was picky and stubborn, so usually, your average everyday person wouldn't please him.

"What took ya so long, dude?" Kendall greeted him, raising his bushy eyebrows.

"The funniest thing happened, man! There was this little loser kid walking by," Jason started. Kendall shifted nervously. The only thing he didn't like about Jason was that he was a bully. He picked on the smaller kids just because he thought it was hilarious.

"And when I pushed him into the water, the look on his face…" Jason couldn't continue, for he was laughing so hard tears were coming out of his eyes. Kendall didn't want to admit it, but he could seriously just imagine that kid's face after someone pushed him into a _water fountain_. It made Kendall smile, but he still didn't like Jason's actions.

"Dude, you should really stop messing with people, Jason," Kendall told him cautiously. He didn't want Jason to take it the wrong way. Honestly? Kendall would hate it if he didn't have Jason as a friend anymore. Jason was the leader Kendall never had. Kendall loved Jason, even though he did mean things sometimes.

"But that guy's like the shortest thing ever! And he even _looks_ pathetic. I couldn't resist it, man!" Jason chuckled a few more seconds, before he calmed down and started walking with Kendall outside to the black cement platform outside of their school. Usually, people played basketball and stuff there after lunch.

Kendall followed Jason's back. If the guy _was_ as stupid as the Jason described him, then Kendall wanted to see him. He had always wondered what kind of kids usually got bullied. He knew it was as cruel as anything, but he was curious. He used to consider himself someone who'd get bullied, but it was obvious that people were actually a little afraid to touch him. People admired him. Kendall didn't think he deserved it, but he was glad it wasn't worse. But what was it like going to school knowing you'd get hurt there? Kendall wanted to know. Kendall wanted to see this guy Jason had started bullying.

Because Kendall already knew Jason enough to know for sure that if he started something, he'd never stop until he was done with it. In this case, the _it_ was a person.

**A/N- Dun dun dunnn… Oh, Kendall.. you have no IDEA, buddy… Oh, this cruel, cruel, world.**

**And don't ya feel bad for poor wittle Carlos? This is just the start, peeps.. so if ya hate seeing people bullied, ya should stop reading it.. no, actually, just keep reading it no matter what, okay? Please? ;)**

**Please review? I wanna thank all you awesome reviewers out there who have the BEST REVIEWS EVER! I love reading all of them… keep it up! **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	5. Weekend

_**Chapter 5**_

Carlos shivered in the cold, tugging his helmet on tighter around his head. It was the first day of Coolidge High School's hockey practice. Carlos looked around, and was ashamed to admit that he was intimidated by all of the new people on the team who could beat him up with no sweat. James, Kendall, and Logan were the only people he actually knew. The coach was currently pairing them up in fours in alphabetical last name order.

Carlos grinned at James when both of their names were called. At least he was grouped with someone he knew and loved. James grinned back at Carlos, but there was something else in his eyes that Carlos didn't really care about right then.

They practiced some shots, with James being the goalie and Carlos and two other people shooting. Kendall, Logan, that huge dude named Jason, and this other guy name Vincent or something were on the other side.

Carlos hadn't practiced hockey in what seemed like forever. He was sure his friends hadn't, either, but they were still fresh and amazing. Logan had really good aim, but his shots were too weak. Kendall's shots were strong and accurate… and perfect. Carlos never understood how Kendall could shoot so perfectly. Only a few times did Kendall Knight ever miss a shot. James was still a great goalie, so far already blocking 8 of the 11 shots hit so far.

But Carlos kept on missing his shots. He blamed it on his lack of practice, but there was a little voice in the back of his head telling him that he just sucked more than everyone else. He sucked at hockey more than everyone else did, and he didn't deserve to be on this team. He was trying to block out that voice, when one of the guys in his group nudged his shoulder.

"Dude, what's wrong with you? You've missed pretty much every single shot," he whispered harshly. Carlos recoiled; he didn't even know this guy and he was already insulting him?

"Well, it's not my fault I haven't practiced for so long," Carlos replied meekly.

The guy scoffed. "Yeah, _sure, _sucker…" Carlos didn't hear the rest of what he said, because he'd stepped up to the line and hit the puck as hard as he could. Yet again it missed the net, and Carlos felt like throwing himself onto the ground and sobbing. This was the worst day ever. He knew it sounded childish, but it was true.

First, he'd failed his math test, and this guy called him stupid, and then the mystery guy pushed him into the water fountain again, no one sat with him at lunch, the girl Logan was dating laughed at him for some unknown reason, and now this guy was calling him a sucker. He didn't know how this could get any worse.

Finally, Carlos got off the ice and took off his skates, his feet aching from the hard practice. He felt like he'd run a mile in ice, which he probably had. He grabbed his black sports bag and walked outside quickly, not wanting to run into that stupid jerk again. This seriously wasn't his day. He waited on a bench outside for his friends to come out. In a few minutes, all four of them started the 3 minute drive home. Logan had gotten his driver's license for half a year already, and Kendall was training to. None of them allowed James or Carlos to learn how to drive because they were pretty sure they would crash and kill someone or themselves. Carlos thought otherwise, though none of them would listen to his arguments.

When they got home, James threw himself onto the orange sofa, muttering something about how grateful he was that "it's finally Friday." The guys murmured tired words of agreement, plopping themselves next to James. It had been a tiring day, but all of them were glad to continue their halted hockey careers.

"I'm so glad Gustavo gives us Friday off…" Logan muttered groggily, pushing a soaked cloth onto his forehead. The others nodded, their eyes shut in exhaustion. Everything was silent for a few minutes, and Carlos was just starting to open his eyes when Kendall jumped up.

"Darn it! I'm supposed to meet Jason in 20 minutes! He grabbed a clean shirt and ran out the door. James stood up, too, and muttered something about a date with a hot girl or something. Logan sighed.

"Sorry, bud, but I've got to go, too," he said quickly, not even bothering explaining why. Carlos already knew from Logan's excitement that it was probably something to do with his stupid new girlfriend.

Carlos sighed as Logan slammed the door shut in his hurry. He was really hoping that they'd spend some time together. This whole week, Carlos hadn't even talked to his friends except for at school and before they went to bed. He felt like he was drifting away form them. He had no one left in L.A. anymore… And it seemed as though James, Kendall, and Logan enjoyed ignoring him and tossing him aside. Maybe he was just a burden. Maybe his friends had just noticed that and decided that they wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

It was Fish Stick Friday, and this was already the second time they'd missed it. Kendall and James and Logan had promised him that they would be there this time, but obviously, they broke their promise yet again. Carlos found that they were breaking more and more promises every day, and Carlos was starting to lose trust in them. Did they not ever tell Carlos the truth anymore?

Carlos walked slowly into his room. He threw himself onto his comfy bed, but the soft covers and fluffy pillow weren't enough to comfort him anymore. He seriously wanted his friends back, but it was obvious they didn't want him back. He wiped away the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Why, why,_ why?_ Why didn't people like him? Why did this have to happen to _him_? He tried to be nice to everyone, he really did; but why wasn't it enough? Why did people still dislike him so much?

The following weekend was one of the worst he'd ever experienced in his life. On Saturday, he was alone for a whole day eating corndogs and watching cartoons on TV. He didn't even know where everyone else went, and he was convinced that they just got out of the house because they didn't want to hang out with him.

But Sunday was the worst. Carlos was walking around in his bedroom, bored out of his sorry mind, when his cell phone rang. There was a number he didn't recognize, but he was so bored that he decided to answer it. At first, there was only breathing, and Carlos was about to hang up. But then, he heard someone's distant voice.

"Hey, Carlos." Carlos's heart froze at the hatred and bitterness in the guy's voice.

"Um, who is this?" Carlos asked hesitantly, not really wanting to find out.

"Your number one hater." The mystery dude responded. For some reason, that hurt Carlos. A long time ago, people would pinch his cheeks and kiss him and hug him and say that they were his "number one lover." But now this guy was saying he hated him. A lot. Carlos tried to ignore the pain in his heart.

"You'll never find out who this is, cuz I'm calling on a payphone. I'm here to tell you some stuff,' he said, his voice calm and somewhat angry. Carlos wanted to hang up, but the suspense would kill him. What did this person want to tell him? What if it was something important?

"Well, first off, you're a loser." The statement was so blunt and short that Carlos wasn't even sure he'd said it out loud. But when it sunk in, that pain in his heart grew. Loser. That was what they called friendless people with no life. Looking at where he was now, Carlos suddenly realized that it was true. He had no friends now, and he had no life except for sleeping and eating and watching TV and all that stuff. He _was_ officially a loser. But it still hurt for someone to say it out loud.

"You act like you're so great, but you're not," the voice continued, chuckling. "But honestly? No one likes you."

Carlos's eyes filled with tears, and they dripped down onto the carpet floor underneath him. He pressed "End" on his phone, and threw it against his bed. He wrapped the covers around him, his heart practically exploding from the pain. All those words were so… true. Right now, no one liked him, and he was a big loser.

After he let out one tiny sob, everything came pouring like a storm. Carlos cried and cried, not knowing what to think. No one had said anything like that to him before, and it hurt him more than ever. The worst part was though, that it was pretty much all true. Everything was true. The guy on the phone was right about everything he said. And that was all starting to sink in for Carlos.

Carlos didn't know how long he lay in his bed, crying his eyes out. But when he was finally done, he drifted into a restless sleep, those words never leaving his mind. _No one likes you. Loser. Loser, loser…_

This storm wouldn't end in rainbows and sunshine.

**A/N- Poor Carlos, I feel so bad for writing this.. but that's what Carlos angst is, right? Maybe? I really hope it is… **

**I hope you guys like this chapter, cuz I really don't have much to say other than… REVIEW? PLEASE? I WOULD LOVE IT SO MUCH! Enough of the caps, but please review? ;)**

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	6. Physical

_**Chapter 6**_

Carlos trudged into Coolidge High School, his head hanging low. It was Monday. He'd always hated Mondays, but this time, he hated _this_ Monday more than any of the other ones in his life. The bell rang, signaling that he had five more minutes before he had to go into science class with Kendall.

He barely made it to class before the bell, probably because he kept on procrastinating to get to the classroom. He wished he would never get there, but obviously, that would never be the case. He would always get there some time.

During class, he glanced at the boy sitting next to him with longing in his brown eyes. The blonde hair, green eyes. _Kendall._ Carlos wished more than anything that Kendall would at least turn around and say "hi" or something. It would make his soon-to-be sucky day. But Kendall just kept his conversation going with some guy sitting next to him, not even noticing that Carlos had just come in.

Carlos bit his lip and looked down, away from the painful scene. Why would Kendall be such good friends with someone he didn't even know? Why couldn't Carlos be that guy sitting over there? Carlos wished more than anything right now that he could be different. People were always telling everyone they should be themselves. But obviously, no one liked Carlos for who he was. Why? Why? Why?

He tried to take his mind off of everything during class. They were currently talking about chemistry, and stuff related to chemistry. Carlos didn't really understand it all that well yet, but he was getting it better than he would've a few weeks ago. He had suddenly taken a liking to everything he learned at school; it got his mind off of all his problems.

He hated doing labs the most; he never had anyone to do them with. Kendall would almost _always_ pair up with some athletic jock from the hockey, basketball, football, and wrestling teams. There seemed to always be a new one in class. Carlos would _love_ to be able to light things on fire and blow things up with Kendall, but he couldn't. All he could do was sit there all by himself, watching his lousy experiment while glancing at Kendall from the corner of his eye.

Kendall always seemed to be having so much fun. _Way_ more fun than when he was with Carlos. Carlos tried not to think about it, but what if he _was_ a horrible friend? Kendall obviously seemed to love everyone else in this class better than him.

When science finally ended, Carlos rushed out and tried to ignore the tears forming in his eyes. He wanted Kendall back. He wanted James back. He wanted Logan back. He finally understood what Logan meant when he said "You never miss something until it's gone." Because Carlos never knew that he'd need his friends so much. He never knew that they would hate _him_ so much. Why were they doing this?

Carlos knew he wasn't smart, funny, athletic, hot, handsome, or any of those things his friends were. Maybe _that_ was why they threw him away. He was a piece of trash. Every single day, as his friends started to ignore him more and more, that statement deemed truer and truer to Carlos. He was useless. He was worthless.

When he was able to blink his tears away, he saw something on the ground. Before he had time to react, he tripped over someone's foot, his books and folders flying all over the place.

Carlos quickly picked himself off from the ground, and looked around at the faces of people snickering around him. He felt his cheeks burning red. He felt so humiliated. And even worse, he didn't even know who did it. This was the first time someone had actually physically hurt him, and it hurt him on the inside and on the outside. He picked up his things, and practically sprinted out of the hallway.

No one even helped him or asked it he was okay. Everyone there was laughing at _him_, and how stupid _he_ was. It hurt. A lot. Carlos didn't know why he was the victim all the time. What was wrong with him? What made him so vulnerable? What made him the pathetic idiot in the whole school?

Suddenly, Carlos had a horrible thought. Kendall was in the same class as he was. So what if he witnessed what had just happened and decided not to help Carlos? Carlos's eyes filled with tears for a second time at the thought. Could it really be that Kendall wouldn't even stick up for him anymore just because of he wanted to keep his stupid reputation? Kendall never used to care about what people thought about him; but now, it was obviously different. Carlos wanted the old Kendall back. He'd do anything to get that old Kendall, or that old James, or that old Logan, back.

Kendall had always told him and James and Logan that they would never change. They'd always stick up for each other, no matter what. Hollywood wasn't supposed to change them. But the one thing they would've never even considered as a threat had changed them completely. School. Kendall didn't stick up to his promise, just like James and Logan didn't, either. But Kendall was the last person Carlos would've ever even thought would ever break a promise.

It seemed as though everyone Carlos loved and cared about were starting to hate him. Kendall, James, Logan, everyone… it hurt Carlos when he realized that those three were the only people who mattered in his life other than his family. Was he really that big of a friendless loser?

He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. He didn't want to handle all the pain he was feeling inside anymore. He wanted to feel better. But he just didn't know how. His hands and knees stung from falling onto the carpet, but more than anything, his heart stung from being humiliated and betrayed from people he loved, and from people he _wanted_ to love but who wouldn't love him back.

All he wanted right now was a friend, someone who'd stick up for him. Someone who'd love him for who he was. But obviously, he had to change in order for someone to like him. Why didn't _anyone_ like him for who he was?

But it was too late to change, anyways. He had already claimed himself the title of "Loser" in this school. That was what everyone thought of him now, and he wouldn't be surprised it his friends thought he was a loser now, too.

If he could start this year all over again, he would. Definitely. Big time. But he couldn't start the year all over again, and that made him sad. He wanted to be popular like his friends were right now, but he didn't what was missing. He was cute, wasn't he? Or maybe he wasn't. Maybe he was an ugly kid no one liked.

Carlos sighed, running a hand through his black hair. He started towards his next class, math. He hated math. He could never understand it, and this time there was no Logan to help him at night. He failed almost every assignment, and the teacher had to humiliate him in front of the whole class by announcing it.

He could still hear the snickers and laughs in his head from the day before. His teacher was so cruel; but what if Carlos deserved it? What if he deserved to be laughed at?

Carlos's thoughts broke when he entered the huge classroom. Thirty pairs of eyes looked up at him, and then went back again in less than a second. There was thirty seconds until the bell rang, and Carlos quickly sat down in his seat. His heart almost broke when he saw what was written in huge bubble letters on his desk.

LOSER.

The kid who sat here before him was a freshman. And even _he_ knew that Carlos was the "loser" kid. Everyone knew him only as a loser, and nothing else. And the more and more Carlos saw and heard that word directed at him, the more he started believing in it. He _was_ a loser. A pathetic loser.

The kid sitting next to him; his name was Simon or something like that, leaned closer to Carlos and smirked. "Like your little present, _loser_?"

And then he slapped Carlos in the face. Hard. Carlos gasped at the sharp and sudden pain, his hand flying up to his cheek. That was the first day the bullying had gotten physical, and Carlos hated it.

He tried to ignore all the people laughing at him, pointing and chuckling. Some tried to hide it, but he could still see their amused smiles begging to be let out. He was a loser, and it was funny to see losers get hurt. That was just the way it was.

And Carlos hated it.

**A/N- Poor Carlos… I feel bad for doing this stuff to him... but it's angst, right? ;)**

**But next chapter might get back to the other boys, because them and their friends have things to do with the story… So, please review? It means the world to me! It means… JUPITER to me! ;)**

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	7. Molding

_**Chapter 7**_

"Hey, loser!" Smack on the back. Ow.

"Hey, border-hopper!" Kick in the shin. Ow.

"Get outta my face!" Swear word, push. Ow.

It had been getting worse every day. Carlos would start getting picked on the moment his friends were out of sight. Every day, Carlos went home with bruises, some old and some fresh. They hurt a lot, too, but Carlos actually thought he was getting used to them by now. He sort of _expected_ them, in a way.

Ever since that Monday, people had started spreading rumors about how Carlos Garcia was a loser, how he had no friends and how stupid he was. Carlos wanted to tell them that no, none of that was true, but he had started believing it himself.

He never told Kendall, James, or Logan about the bullying. He didn't want them to worry about him. He was a burden to all of them, and none of them wanted to care about his issues. They hated him, anyways, right?

And what would they think _if_ Carlos ever told them? What if they realized that he was a loser after all and started picking on him, too? Carlos would rather have the whole school corner him and hit him with hockey sticks than to have Kendall, James, or Logan swinging a fist at him. It would hurt too much. He didn't think he could go on if his friends were in on the bullying, too.

Carlos tried to get himself out of school; he really did. He pretended to be sick the day before, but Mrs. Knight caught him. He did his best on his homework, but still, he failed almost everything. He didn't get why. When he stared at a bunch of words, they all started looking jumbled up and weird. He blamed it on his lack of attention. His _stupid_ brain wasn't smart enough to focus on that many words.

It was in History when Carlos finally realized that his band mates hated him. The four of them were sitting in the back of the classroom as always, their voices blending in with the other twenty or so voices in the room. Carlos always loved History; it was the only place any of them would speak to hm.

The bell rang, and the teacher started passing out the test from two days ago. Carlos shifted nervously in his seat. He had studied really hard for this test. He'd been up until midnight for three whole days, looking over the material. He was almost _sure_ he'd gotten at least an A.

But when the teacher handed back his test, a frown on his face, Carlos's heart dropped. D-. His score was 27 out of 50. He sighed as he flipped through all the huge red X's on his test, his heart falling after each one. Why was he such a failure?

Carlos barely paid attention when the teacher started going over the test. He didn't want to see how badly he screwed up, even though it was probably good for him to learn from his mistakes. His mind tuned back in, however, when the teacher said his name. He looked up.

"Number 12: when did the War of 1812 start? Carlos Garcia, _why_ did you put the year 1281?" Carlos's face burned when the whole class started snickering, his face turning red.

But what hurt the most was when he turned to his friends for help, and saw _them_ laughing, too. Carlos's heart tightened painfully. His _friends_ were laughing at how stupid he was. _His friends_. They were _laughing_ at _him_. Carlos didn't know what to do anymore. His friends hated him. They were just like everyone else now.

"Mr. Garcia, now why would you write such an insane answer?" The teacher asked, amusement twinkling in his eyes.

Carlos looked down at his hands. "I-I don't know, sir," he answered honestly. The number looked like 1281 to him. The numbers were all jumbled up when he started reading them. Carlos didn't know why everything looked like alphabet soup to him for some reason. It only happened periodically; but during the test, it had gotten really bad. He couldn't see any of the words clearly; it was like they were swimming around the paper or something.

"Well, going on…" Carlos, once again, tuned out to everything the teacher was saying. He glanced at his friends, who were still smiling after _his_ stupid mistake. Carlos didn't understand why everything was falling apart around him. Why was _he_ the one who had to be born a loser? Why was _he_ the one suffering all the pain?

Carlos looked away from his friends every single time they stared at him the day after that. They never even asked what was wrong; they didn't care. He was just one more burden out of their life, right? He couldn't stand to look at them after how hard they laughed at him in History class. He knew from the point that his friends were no longer his friends anymore.

He needed to get them back. Somehow.

_Line line line _

Kendall Knight walked into hockey practice, feeling pumped as usual. Rehearsal had been horrible; Gustavo yelled at them to get better, and broke a few things. Nothing too serious, though. Hockey practice was like his sanctuary.

Kendall always felt _different_ at school. It felt different in a good way, though. Now, instead of people looking up to him, _he_ looked up to other people. He didn't have to make all the plans and try to stay calm during every dire situation. It made his life so much easier. Not having to worry about what to do if James's heart was broken by some snobby girl, or if Logan and Carlos were getting bullied, was really relaxing.

He knew it was sort of wrong to just watch as kids in school were getting picked on, but Kendall simply didn't want to care anymore. He was tired of stepping up all the time and having the stress all poured on him. For once in his life, he wasn't the man that had to take care of everything. He was a follower, and he liked that.

But one thing that had changed Kendall was his new friends. Kendall didn't notice how much those friends were changing him. They were molding him into a jock who didn't care for school, or anyone else other than the other jocks. Kendall just went along with it, for he never realized how different he now was.

When he saw Carlos being tripped in the hallway that day after science, he was really going to go up and help him. He really was. But just then, his friends called him over, and he trotted over to them and walked away, completely forgetting about Carlos. Leaving him behind.

For some reason, Carlos being tripped didn't really affected Kendall as much as it probably would have a month ago. Kendall kept telling himself that Carlos was 16 now, and he could handle things that were thrown his way. Literally or metaphorically. He could protect himself perfectly fine. And those thoughts were digging into Kendall's mind. They were digging and digging until finally, Kendall believed it.

Carlos didn't need his help. He was perfectly fine on his own. Kendall accepted this fact, and decided to throw Carlos out of his mind. He started hanging out with Jason and his friends more often, because he felt way more in common with them. They were so similar to himself, and Kendall really liked that.

James, Logan, and Carlos had always been so different from him. But somehow, Kendall had stuck with them, and they had all learned to love each other. But now, Kendall was finding himself separating and finding all of their differences. Good or bad differences. He was starting to realize that James _was_ seriously _too _conceited; Logan was seriously _too_ smart, and Carlos was seriously _too_ annoying. How had he been best friends with these people before?

Kendall was snapped out of his thoughts when Jason came by and slapped him on the back. They greeted each other, and Kendall quickly walked away with Jason into their next class. He watched, an amused expression on his face, when Jason reached over and pushed one of the freshmen onto the ground. The two laughed, high fived each other, and walked away. Kendall didn't even notice how horrible he was becoming. His conscience had stopped functioning the way it used to. He didn't feel guilty anymore when he saw Jason bully people. He felt… powerful.

He had already completely tossed his BTR friends out of his mind. He no longer wanted to befriend them anymore. Jason was his friend now, and no one was ever going to change that.

Kendall Donald Knight was changing. Jason and his jock friends were molding and shaping him like clay. They kept on pressing on Kendall until finally, Kendall's heart was made out of stone.

**A/N- So… how'd ya think? Horrible? Good? I kind of feel like this was a bit crappy, but whatever, right? ;) And you guys can probably tell that Carlos has this, um, problem (wink wink), and that Kendall's becoming more mean because of Jason and all the other jocks. This is getting insane, huh?**

**And I'm SO sorry for the slow updates…. I'm feeling a bit stressed lately, so just bear with me, alright? ;)**

**Please review? And make my day? **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	8. Blue Eyed Girl and Simon

_**Chapter 8**_

Every single day that passed, Carlos Garcia grew more and more depressed. He didn't remember ever feeling this low, feeling this horrible about himself. Those bullies' words had etched into his head, and they were always echoing around in his brain when he did something wrong.

But one day, it happened. The one bright thing of his whole dark school year.

It happened one day ago where Carlos was getting the most horrible beating of his life. He had just been walking down the hall towards hockey practice, when that jerk Simon tripped him over. Carlos was completely used to it, but it still hurt a lot. When he was falling, it seemed like everything was going in slow motion. He could practically see every detail of everything around him.

But when Carlos was picking himself, Simon pulled him up by the color of his shirt. Carlos almost choked to death. Simon, still holding on to his collar, slammed Carlos into the white-painted cement of the wall. Carlos's heard swam in a sea of stars for a few moment, until Simon started speaking.

"Why are you still here?" He hissed, spit flying onto Carlos's face. Carlos didn't dare reach up and wipe it off.

"I-I-I have t-to," Carlos replied pathetically, squeezing his eyes shut when he felt pain in his right eye.

Simon sighed. "Don't talk when I'm talking!" He yelled. Carlos suddenly noticed that there were three people with him. Two boys and a girl. Carlos had seen the girl in his math class or something, and she was really pretty.

"S-sorry."

Simon nodded in satisfaction. "Gosh, I can't believe you even have the guts to show up to school anymore. No one here even _cares_ about you anymore." Pain radiated through Carlos's body when Simon slammed him into the wall again.

"S-stop-" Simon cut Carlos off with another punch to the cheek.

"Shut up, loser-face. You actually think your "friends" want you? They don't need you. They're the three most popular dudes in our whole freaking _school_. And who are _you_? You're just a loser freak with no friends."

Carlos blinked back his tears furiously. No way was he going to let Simon get to him. _No way._

"I mean, Kendall Knight's the _captain_ of the varsity hockey team! You're the _worst _player on the team! He's not gonna befriend ya anymore, you idiot!" Simon laughed like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And maybe it was.

"And James Diamond? That guy is a girl's _dream_! Everyone girl wants to date him, and every guy wants to be him. And you? You're the _ugliest _person this planet has ever produced, and I'd bet girls _puke_ when they see you."

"Logan Mitchell's a nerd, but he's a good one. He athletic, too, though not as much as Knight. He's dating Alana, the hottest chick in the school! Well, except for you, Bethy," Simon suddenly let go of Carlos to kiss his hot girlfriend. The girl kissed him back passionately, her eyes closed in bliss. Carlos bit his lip. He'd never have a girl. _Ever_.

"So, yeah. All of your friends are obviously _way_ better than you, border-hopper. So why don't you just hop on back to Mexico and _stay there!_"

Simon pushed Carlos onto the ground harshly. Carlos couldn't keep his tears at bay anymore, and they came out in pained sobs. Everything Simon said was so true it hurt. _Everything_ he said was true. His friends were so much better than him, and they hated him now. Why? Why couldn't he at least have some credit?

"You're so pathetic." Simon whispered in his ear. Suddenly, Simon's huge fist was off of Carlos, and Carlos quickly tried to wipe the seemingly never-ending trail of tears running down his face.

He almost wanted to start crying in joy and relief when Simon started walking away. His cronies followed him, but Carlos suddenly saw the girl look back. She looked at him sadly with her blue eyes, and she gave Carlos a small smile. But she quickly looked back again when Simon put his arm around her. Just like the way James always did when Carlos felt sad.

Carlos suddenly felt such a big longing for the days before all _this_ happened, a longing even bigger than the one he felt daily. He wanted James to hug him, and Kendall to laugh with him, and Logan to be the Good Luck Patrol or something with him. He wanted his friends back.

But suddenly, he thought of that girl. Simon had called her "Bethy" or something. She _smiled_ at him. Even though it was small, a smile was still a smile, right? She was probably the first person in this school _ever_ to smile at him. The only time other people had smiled at him was when they were laughing and how incredibly dumb and retarded her was in everything.

Could she become his first friend? Maybe even more than that? Carlos's heart rose and fell quickly. She couldn't be his friend or anything else. Simon wouldn't let her, and he'd punch Carlos into a pulp if he even tried _talking_ to her.

Carlos sighed, running his small hand through his hair. Nothing was going well. Simon had seriously hurt him with those words, and Carlos just couldn't get them out of his head. _Worst player on the team... ugly... loser… border-hopper… freak... pathetic… girls puke when they see you…_

Everything made his heart clench tightly in pain. He had never felt so hurt, so alone, so unwanted. There was _no one_ in the world right now who cared about him even the tiniest bit. All the insults about him had proved that. His friends had ditched him a long time ago for better people. People better than he was.

When Carlos got back to the Palm Woods, he quickly went into 2J to see where his friends were. There were three crumpled up and torn notes on the table.

_Hockey practice- K. _Carlos had completely forgot about that, but he didn't really want to go anymore. He couldn't keep on dealing with all the insults and hits with hockey sticks he received every single practice. It was always when Kendall, James, or Logan weren't looking. And even if they saw, Carlos was almost sure they wouldn't want to anyways.

_With Chip at the movies. –J_ James was seriously befriending Chip. He was like his ultimate buddy now. Just like Carlos was before. Carlos had always trailed along with James wherever he went, and James wanted him to. They had _always_ done everything together. Fight with dinosaur chicken nuggets, play with their food, prank Bitters, get girls, swim, fight, hockey, _everything._ But obviously, _always_ stopped _now._ James's new buddy was Chip now. Not Carlos.

_With Alana in a private area. –Logan Mitchell _Logan always wrote his full name on papers and notebook pieces and everything. But this time, Carlos didn't smile in amusement as he always did. Logan was so in love with Alana, Carlos wasn't surprised they were married yet. Logan had been spending so much time with Alana that Carlos was jealous. Logan never paid that much attention to _him_. But maybe Logan didn't even like Carlos from the very beginning.

Carlos sighed, tears prickling in his eyes from everything hurtful thing said and done to him. He just wanted all the pain to go away. He hated it. Every part of him hurt mentally, emotionally, or physically. He couldn't go on like this.

Carlos finally fell asleep on the orange couch, thinking of the strange blue-eyed girl who had brought at least _a tiny drip_ of sunshine into his cloudy day.

**A/N- Wow… I cannot even explain why I haven't updated in so long. I don't even have an excuse… I AM SO SORRY. Please don't kill me. Then I won't be able to update this anymore, right? *chuckles nervously***

**But that girl… what do you think of her? You'll see more next chapter, I promise. Let's hope I'll actually update this_ year_. Geez. I'm already annoyed with myself.**

**And Dark In Sunshine WILL be updated... don't worry. Thank you SO MUCH for all the reviews and your patience with me. **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	9. CG Haters and James

_**Chapter 9**_

Carlos sighed, putting down the three crumpled scraps of paper. He trudged in to the room he shared with James. James never even said "good night" to Carlos before they went to sleep now. Carlos wished James could hold him in his arms when he had a nightmare, or comfort him when he cried. But that James was gone now, and Carlos desperately wanted him back.

He turned on his laptop, watching numbly as a bunch of notices and notes popped onto his screen. He did all his homework on his laptop now, since every single teacher in his new school seemed to _love_ modern technology.

He checked his logged on to his Twitter account. His parents said they would contact him like that. Sometimes, he'd find little posts on his wall from his mom or dad, saying how much they loved him and missed him. Carlos really needed something like that right now.

Recently, his parents had started arguing about a bunch of things, like who would wash the dishes, things they should buy, and other stuff. It was merely little arguments, but they both seemed to look so angry and so… regretful when they fought. Carlos really hated it when his "friends" _or_ his parents fought, and he wanted to make sure his parents had stopped their bickering now that all Carlos's siblings were in elementary school now. Maybe it was just the stress from all the kids they had.

His heart dropped when he didn't see any new posts from his parents. Were they starting to hate him now, too? He wasn't smart or talented at all, so he was probably a huge disappointment to his parents, too. He was a huge disappointment to everyone.

Carlos squinted his eyes curiously when he saw a friend request. He clicked on it hesitantly, and found that it was one of those club/group things asking him to join. He always received spam like that, asking him to join advertising groups or something stupid like that. He was about to delete it, when he saw the name of the group.

"CG Haters"

Carlos's eyes looked away from the laptop screen, his brown irises filled with tears. He already knew what the CG stood for. He had written his name enough times to know that those two letters were his initials.

Carlos Garcia. People online had made a _club_ about how much they hated him. He pressed accept shakily, wanting to know what they had said about him. He knew it would hurt him, but right now, he didn't care. He'd been hurt too many times for him to be scared of it. Well, he still_ was_ scared of it, but he wasn't as scared if the hurtful things were online.

"He's so fat."

"He's the ugliest boy ive EVER seen. Lol. (:

"OMG. That Carlos kid is SO off it. Is there something wrong w/his brain or something? Is that why he wears that hideous helmet? ;)

"Such a loser, right?"

"IKR?"

Carlos closed his eyes tightly and logged out. He didn't want to read anymore of the hurtful things people said about him. They hurt _so _much, and he regretted ever thinking that he could handle all those hurtful words.

Was that really all he was? Some ugly, fat, loser kid from _Mexico? _What made people think of him like that? He just didn't get it.

Sniffling, Carlos curled up in his blanket, finally letting the tears fall out freely. How could anyone be so cruel? How could anyone hate him_ that_ much? He wanted someone, anyone, to at least enjoy his presence. But maybe no one wanted to. Maybe he WAS just a stupid loser kid who knew nothing.

No one would care about anything that he did. They would just toss him aside no matter how much he didn't want them to. He was just the "loser" type of material. They were right to hate him.

Because right now, Carlos hated himself, too.

He wanted them to feel bad for what they'd done to him. He wanted to make them like him, at least a little bit, _somehow._ But he didn't know how. And he couldn't even be sure that anything he tried would work. People just hated him for who he was. Maybe he should change.

But for some reason, Carlos didn't want to change. He wanted to be the innocent and happy soul he was. He didn't want to change into some jock or some bully. He wouldn't be able to. He was stuck with his pathetic little self.

Why couldn't people just like him for who he was?

_Line line line_

Dinner was probably the most awkward time of all. Everyone would be eating in silence, and it would only be broken when Mrs. Knight joined them and asked them how school was. Kendall, James, and Logan always had something awesome to share with Mrs. Knight, but Carlos always had nothing. He usually exaggerated the truth a little and told her that "he'd hung out with some people." Of course, he didn't add the part about how they punched him and called him names. No one needed anymore to worry about. He didn't want to be a burden.

After all, Mrs. Knight would just tell James, Kendall, and Logan to spend more time with him. But Carlos could tell that his former best friends wanted nothing to do with him. He ruined their reputations and their fame in school. No one needed "Carlos Garcia' to hold them back.

When dinner was, Carlos followed James into their room, puffing out his cheeks. James watched Carlos silently as the Latino took a few folders and books out of his backpack. "Hey, buddy."

Carlos looked up, surprised. James _never_ talked to him when they got home. He either left the house or went to do his homework. "Um, h-hey."

James motioned Carlos to come over to his bed. He wrapped his arm around Carlos casually. Carlos had really missed that feeling. A lot.

"How's your life, buddy?" James asked cheerfully.

_Horrible. People push me around and call me names, make online clubs about how much they hate me, and I'm failing math, history, language arts, and science. _You_ tell me how my life is,_ Carlos thought to himself sadly, staring into James's hazel eyes. Should he tell his friend the truth? Would he even care?

"It's, um, _fine._" Carlos said quietly.

James smiled. And this time, he _wasn't _smiling only because he was laughing at how stupid Carlos was. It was a real smile. And Carlos loved it. Even if James was pretending, he loved that smile on his older friend's face.

"Well, I'm glad you're doing great. I'm actually doing _really_ well, too. They voted _me_ for "Best Hair!" Can you believe that?" Carlos smiled and nodded for James's sake. James cared more about other people more than he cared for Carlos. Carlos didn't want to burden him with his problems.

"That's really cool." Carlos agreed. No one would ever nominate him for anything except maybe "Biggest Loser." Carlos was glad they didn't have that category for the senior yearbook pages.

"Are you sure there's nothing wrong, Carlos? You seem a little off today."

Carlos licked his dry lips. "Um, I'm fine. Really. No need to worry 'bout me." It was probably one of the most horrible lies ever. Carlos was never really good at lying.

But James didn't seem to notice. He stood up, patting Carlos on the shoulder. "Well, I'm going to take a shower. I'll see ya, okay?" Carlos nodded, sighing as James shut the door shut.

James knew something was wrong. _Anyone _could tell that Carlos was lying when he said everything was fine. But Carlos knew that James didn't care. Even if he told James what was wrong, why would he care or do anything about it? He would just laugh and tell Carlos he _was_ a loser.

James had obviously changed. Carlos just wanted the old James back.

He felt tears silently sliding down his face.

He wouldn't be getting that James back anytime soon.

**A/N- Sorry… I can't believe I'm updating so slow. Ugh. I'm so disappointed in myself.**

**But seriously, Carlos is having the worst of the worst. I even feel bad for writing all this… But it's angst, right? And there ain't lots of the Carlos angst out there. **

**Please review and give me some encouragement? Please? **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	10. First Signs

_**Chapter 10**_

"Hey, you little loser!" Carlos stared down at the ground as some stupid bully he didn't ever want to know the name of towered over him. A huge brick wall towering over a small pathetic wilting leaf.

"Leave m-me alone…" Carlos mumbled, hoping with all his heart that the bully would just listen to him for once. But obviously, the bully didn't even seem to hear Carlos, and dragged him outside. Carlos winced as the bully's thick fingers grasped tightly onto Carlos's shoulder.

"Don't you _ever_ talk to me like that again, you hear me?" The bully, who Carlos could now see was Jason, threw him against the huge brick wall outside of the school building. Carlos grunted in pain, and looked around to see if anyone was there to see this. No one was. He was pathetic and helpless.

When Carlos didn't answer, Jason punched him in the face. "Answer me, you little Mexican freak!"

Carlos trembled in pain and fear and anger. What was wrong with this Jason guy? How could Kendall stand hanging out with him all the time? Carlos hated it when Jason picked on him, because the huge guy was merciless. He didn't even care about the consequences of his actions until _after_ he received his punishments.

"O-okay." Carlos choked out, his voice small and soft due to the huge lump in his throat. Jason smirked knowingly, and leaned in closer to Carlos's face. Carlos could smell his bad breath.

"Why don't you just go back to where you came from? No one wants you here anyways," Jason whispered coldly into Carlos's face. Carlos shuddered slightly, his face turned away from Jason's cold, cold eyes.

"I'm _not_ from Mexico!" Carlos cried, his eyes filling due to his frustration and fear. Why did he have to be born looking the way he was? If he was just a normal American, a lot of the bullying wouldn't have occurred, right? But they'd still call him a loser… but at least Jason might've left him alone.

"Shut up." Jason said, poking Carlos hard in the chest with each word. Carlos gasped in pain, and quickly reached up to rub his aching chest. He suddenly saw a figure in the distance. Kendall. Jason followed Carlos's gaze, and quickly took a few steps away from Carlos.

"Hey, Knight! How's it going?" Jason called out to Kendall. Kendall turned his gaze over to Jason, and his eyes scrunched up in confusion when he saw Carlos.

"Dude, what are you doing with Carlos?" Kendall asked suspiciously, narrowing his eyes. Carlos's heart rose. What if Kendall figured out that Jason was bullying him, stopped befriending him, and became Carlos's friend again? Carlos knew he was just kidding himself.

"Oh, Carlos? We're just having a little man to man talk. Right, buddy?"

Carlos nodded reluctantly. Kendall's eyes lit up again, and he quickly started talking and talking about things Carlos didn't even want to hear. It would all remind Carlos too much about the times Kendall and him used to share together.

Jason turned to Carlos, smiling sweetly. "Alright, Carlos, you can leave now. I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"

"Bye." Carlos sighed when he was out of hearing distance. Stupid Jason. Stupid Kendall. Stupid everything. What was the point of living in this world anymore if no one cared a thing about him?

Carlos widened his eyes when the thought came into his mind. He had never thought of suicide before. His life had always been too awesome for that. But now… he wasn't so sure. But he knew he wouldn't go to that level.

Yet.

Carlos was whipped out of his thoughts when he bumped into someone as he was walking back home to the Palm Woods. He didn't even bother taking a car or a transportation vehicle anymore. He liked the peace and quiet of walking home. Where nothing mattered except for him.

"I'm s-so sorry!" Carlos gaped out. He looked up and stared into blue eyes. As he examined the person further, he found that it was the girl who'd been kissing Simon. The girl who'd smiled at him.

"Oh, it's alright. Carlos, right?" Carlos nodded, surprised that someone was actually _talking_ to him. Usually, that only happened when someone was bullying him or when someone absolutely _had_ to talk to him. He was ignored most of the time.

"I'm Bethany. And… I'm really sorry about Simon. He thinks before he acts." Carlos smiled. Bethany. What a beautiful name for a beautiful girl.

"Don't you mean acts before he thinks?" Carlos joked. His heart fluttered when she laughed softly, her sweet voice echoing around the block.

"Yeah. Where do you live?"

Carlos cleared his throat. "Um, the Palm Woods. It's a few blocks away from here." Bethany nodded, seeming to think about where the Palm Woods was.

"I-It's not a big place, so you might n-ot… Carlos looked down and blushed when his voice cracked in the middle of his sentence.

Bethany smiled at him for what seemed like the millionth time that day. "Yeah, I don't seem to recall it. And don't be shy, Carlos. I like you." She said it as if she were surprised herself that she liked him, and Carlos couldn't blame her. No one usually liked a boy who was deemed "loser" and "freak" in high school.

Carlos smiled back.

Bethany shifted the backpack on her shoulders. "Well, I'm turning here. I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"

Carlos nodded.

Bethany glanced over her shoulder one last time. "Bye, Carlos."

Carlos waved at her. "Bye, Bethany."

Bethany. A perfect name for a perfect girl.

_Line line line line_

Kendall Knight stared at Carlos's back as his younger band mate walked away. He turned back to Jason, raising his eyebrows.

"What was_ he _doing with you?" Kendall was actually a little afraid that he'd loser Jason. Jason was a seriously good friend to him, and he didn't want to lose him so quickly. He was conceited like James, nerdy like Logan, or… crazy like Carlos was. Jason was more like Kendall. Cautious, clever, but still willing to take risks. And Kendall like having someone who was similar to him.

Jason shrugged. "I was just talking to him about out math homework. Nothing else. I mean, why else would I wanna even be _seen_ with that guy? That's why we were in an empty place. I've got a reputation to hold, you know?"

Kendall nodded. "I know you do, buddy. Trust me." Jason punched him in the shoulder, and soon the two were punching each other like sissies. Jason suddenly stopped, looking around cautiously.

"Dude, we're acting like _girls_, man! We've _got_ to stop." Kendall rolled his eyes. What a guy. But Jason was an interesting guy. Kendall liked him. A lot, actually. He just seemed to be different in a good way. Kendall didn't really know how to explain it. Jason was just… different.

"Kendall. You've got to stop thinking about Carlos. He's not a part of your life now. Just think about it. Has he even _said_ anything to you these past few days?" Kendall knew he had a good point. He didn't want to admit it, but the past few weeks, he'd started caring less and less about his friends. They were all fine without him.

He'd blended in with a new crowd. And even though Kendall was a little ashamed to admit it, he liked this crowd a lot more than his old one.

**A/N- Okay… that chapter just came out without warning. But what do you guys think about the girl? Nice, right? **

**But once again (this is getting SO repetitive), I'm SORRY for the slow update. I don't know what's up with me these days. I'm just sitting around every day getting fat and lazy. Huh.**

**But review… please? I'd really like that! **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	11. Logan and Bad News

_**Chapter 11**_

Logan stared out the window of the bedroom he shared with Kendall. The blonde boy, as usual, wasn't in his room Logan sighed in bliss as he remembered the night before. He was at Alana's house… and everything was just sort of a blur after that.

He remembered taking his pants off, her taking her shirt off… al he knew now was that he had lost his virginity to Alana. But Logan knew it was worth it. Alana was probably the nicest girl he'd ever met. She was nerdy like him, but popular at the same time. She wasn't afraid to admit that she loved him, and their relationship wasn't on and off again… unlike some he knew… and there wasn't anyone now to take Alana away from him.

Everything was perfect, but Logan couldn't help thinking about his friends. Were they having just as great of a time as he was? Were they losing their virginities, too? Logan put it quickly to the back of his mind to think about later.

He was about to go meet Alana at Starbucks. She had somehow gotten Logan to actually enjoy that place full of sugar drinks and sugar snacks. He actually found it to be quite delicious.

Logan had never felt so popular before. Usually, he was the nerd who got tripped in the hallways and forced to do people's homework. But now that he had Alana, people didn't even care how smart he was. He was hanging with a popular girl, so he was automatically deemed popular, too. And Logan loved being popular. It felt so good… now he knew why in all the stories he read before about kids in school, the main character always betrayed his friends because they wanted to be popular. Being popular felt so _good_, and there wasn't really anything to explain it… you were like and accepted, and people admired you.

Logan had heard from Alana that there was a new "loser" kid, someone that all the bullies pushed around, the one who even got laughed at by nerds who didn't want the attention on themselves. Logan didn't really think twice about it, but now he wondered who it could be. He hadn't really seen any bullying in the halls or in the lunchroom, so the person probably wasn't in his grade.

Shaking his head to get rid of the thoughts, Logan walked out of his room and knocked on James and Carlos's bedroom. He walked in without permission, and saw Carlos sitting at his desk and working on his homework.

"Hey, buddy," Logan said hesitantly as he sat down beside Carlos's swivel chair. Carlos looked up, his eyes surprised and happy and a little cautious. Logan didn't' know why.

"Hey. Why are you here?" It wasn't a harsh statement; Carlos was just curious.

Logan smiled. "Wanted to tell you something." He leaned in, wrapping his arm around Carlos and whispering in his ear. Logan told Carlos all about the night before, and how he had lost his innocence to Alana.

After he told Carlos about the deed, Carlos was frozen. "Wow… th-that really happened? Are you s-sure it wasn't a dream?" Carlos asked, finally getting over his moment of shock.

Logan grinned. "Of course I'm sure… dreams don't feel _so good_…" he sighed dreamily. The smart boy glanced at Carlos sideways, and saw that the younger boy's eyes were filled with… what? A little bit of sadness, hurt, jealous… all feeling Logan didn't feel right now.

Logan cleared his throat. "Carlos, buddy, is something wrong?" He saw Carlos stare at the ground.

"Yeah. I mean, why wouldn't it be?" Carlos laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. Logan knew Carlos was lying, because that's what he did himself when he was lying.

"Dude, you're a bad liar. You know that, right? You-" Suddenly, Logan's phone started ringing. He saw "Alana" written on the screen of his electronic, and grinned wildly, completely forgetting about Carlos.

"Hey, Alana! How are you?" Logan stood up, starting to leave the room. "Yeah, I remember last night." He started opening the door, not even glancing back.

"No! I loved it. Maybe we should do it again…" Logan's voice faded away as he closed the door behind him, leaving Carlos alone in his room again.

Carlos bit his lip, feeling betrayed. Logan obviously cared about Alana more than he'd ever cared about Carlos. Why wasn't he important to Logan? Didn't Logan like him anymore?

Carlos couldn't help thinking that he was a burden to Logan. Logan didn't want to care about him or his troubles. He didn't matter to anyone anymore. Maybe he didn't belong in this world…

The Latino mentally slapped himself. He had been having depressed thoughts for the past few days. He kept on thinking that he was worthless, that maybe he should just give _it_ up, whatever _it_ was. He always had thoughts of how much people hated him. The online clubs, the bullies, his friends…

But then he thought of all the great things he still had. It wasn't much, but he still had his parents and Bethany.

For the past few days, Bethany had been talking to him more and more at school and on the walk home. She asked about his family, his friends, his life. She acted like she really cared, and that made Carlos feel wanted.

She even tried sticking up for Carlos at school when Simon shoved him into a locker and threatened to lock him inside it. They seemed to stare at each other for a long time, before Simon finally let Carlos go.

It was no doubt that Carlos was majorly crushing on this girl. She was nice to him, pretty, smart, and everything Carlos ever hoped for in a girl. He was sure that she liked him back, either in the "friend" way or the "more than friend" way. But he was just scared to go up and ask her.

Carlos sighed, running a hand through his short black hair. He whipped out his cell phone, pressing the number 6 for "Mami." He always liked to talk to his mom when he was feeling sad. It had always worked, so Carlos hoped this wasn't an exception.

After two rings, a voice picked up. "Carlitos? Is that you?"

"Hey, Mami. How are things back home?"

"Oh, I'm so happy to see you, mijo! Things are just fine back home. But honey, I think I may have to tell you something important."

Carlos bit his lip. "Anything, mom. Words can't hurt me, right?" That had to be the biggest lie he had ever told.

He heard the sweet laughing sound of his mom on the other line. "You're such a good boy, mijo. But anyways," her voice seemed to grow dark with hate. "you're father… I found pictures of him kissing a woman I had never met before."

Carlos's heart froze. His _Papi_ had been kissing someone who wasn't his Mami? Was that even _legal?_

"Carlos, honey, he kissed her on the lips. And when I asked him about it, he didn't' even try to deny it. He said that he loved her the way he loved me. But I know he doesn't love me anymore like that." Her Mami sounded like she was crying, had been crying, or was going to be crying. It wasn't a good sound.

"Mami, why would he d-do that?" Carlos asked, his innocent voice making him mother sound even more sad.

"Carlitos, I don't know. I really don't know why. It hurt me, too." He heard soft sobbing on the other end of the line. "I'm really sorry you have to hear this, honey. But we've decided that you should know first."

Carlos shook his head, not wanting to hear what his Mami would be saying next. "I'm sorry, Carlos, but we're getting a divorce."

Carlos didn't even hear himself drop the phone.

**A/N- Aww… poor Carlos. I'm just killing him with all the angst, huh? I'm sorry Carlos… And Logan's lost his virginity! What do you think of him? He's been absent for a while now, and I seriously apologize for that.**

**But anyways… I think you may have to get used to me not updating for a long time. I mean, if a week or two is a long time… I don't even know why. It's just my habit now, you know? But thanks for sticking with me all this time, and this chapter is for everyone who has reviewed, alerted, favorited, or read this story! You guys all rock! **

**What do you think will happen next? Please review and tell me! I love to hear you criticism, comments, or anything else! **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes, **

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	12. Foreign Feelings

_**Chapter 12**_

Carlos stared fearfully at the metal locker Simon was about to slam him into.

He felt blood drip down his face as Simon pushed his face harshly into the stupid locker. He didn't even know whose locker it was, just that his blood was now probably smeared all over it.

When Simon shoved Carlos into the locker, Carlos wasn't even aware of what was happening. A few seconds later, Carlos's brain finally snapped, and he struggled to get out of Simon's fierce grip. Simon was going to shove him _into _a locker? And then lock it? Who would help him out?

But right before Simon slammed the locker shut, a small hand reached up to stop him. Simon glanced up, surprised. It was Bethany. She stood there with a glare, so icy that even Simon stopped what he was doing.

"Don't do that to him. I thought you were the nice guy," she said harshly. Carlos grimaced. _The nice guy?_ Sure.

"Uh-I, um…" Simon lifted Carlos back onto the floor, out of the locker. Carlos stared at Bethany, out of breath, amazed and so grateful.

"Can you just leave the poor boy alone? He's never done anything to you." Bethany said, poking Simon in the chest. Simon seemed to be in a daze, nodding at whatever Bethany said.

"Alright then. I'm hoping you'll stay true to your word. Now run along." Simon hurried off with his two friends, a frown on his face.

Bethany helped Carlos off the ground, wiping the blood off of his face. "You alright?" Carlos nodded.

He glanced up and smiled at Bethany. "T-thanks. Thank you s-so much."

The pretty girl shrugged. "I can't just watch someone as sw-sweet as you getting stuffed into a locker. That's just cruel. I'm really sorry about Simon." Carlos smiled. It was the first time he'd done that in a long, long time.

"I-It's alright. Thanks again, Bethany."

Bethany placed a hand on Carlos's shoulder. "No problem."

Carlos went home in a happier mood than he'd ever been in that year. Someone still cared about him. Someone was still sticking up for him. And even though that someone was a girl, and was dating Carlos's biggest bully, Carlos was still glad there was someone who cared about him.

That feeling of love warmed his heart. The feeling had become so foreign, so unknown to him, that he had never thought he'd feel it again. But now he felt it, and it warmed his heart from corner to corner.

But when his cell phone rang, and Carlos picked it up, his heart dropped again. It was his dad.

"Hello?" Carlos asked hesitantly, not knowing what his Papi was going to say to him. Was he here to try and defend himself.

"Did your mother call you yesterday?"

"Um, y-yeah."

"What did she say?" Carlos almost whimpered in fear. His dad was using that demanding voice he always used on criminals when he'd caught them red handed.

When Carlos didn't say anything for a few seconds, his dad raised his voice. "WHAT did she SAY?" Carlos flinched, even though he knew his dad wasn't actually there. His voice was threatening enough.

"That you… you cheated on her. W-with s-s-someone else."

He heard his dad scoff and swear. "That little excuse for a person. _I_ didn't cheat on her. _She _betrayed me first. She told the dang police that I was doing drugs illegally. That little…"

Carlos froze. _What?_ His dad was doing something against the law? But… but he was a _police_.

"You listen, alright? Son, I'm going to be moving out. When you come back to visit, stay away from your mother, alright? Do you hear me?"

Carlos blinked back his tears. "Y-yes."

"Good boy." Carlos still stood frozen, even after his Papi hung up. He couldn't believe what he'd heard. His parents were _really_ breaking up. They hated each other. And now, his dad was telling him to stay away from his mom? How could he possibly choose between both his parents?

Carlos leaned against his bedroom door, sliding down until he sat on the floor. He buried his face in his hands, and cried. He cried so hard that it was hard to breath. Everything was going so _wrong._

This new school. His friends leaving him for other people cooler than he was. The endless bullies who teased and hit him to no end. The bruises that he came home with every single day. His mom and dad having a divorce. Them hating each other.

Why was everything going so _wrong_?

Carlos stood up, walked over to his bed, and buried his face in his pillow. He was trying to be strong, he really was. But it was too much for him. He couldn't take all this pain. He'd… he'd rather be dead.

Did it mean that he was weak because he cried all the time? He wasn't strong enough. If Kendall or James went through all this, he wouldn't shed a tear. Carlos closed his eyes, wishing that he could somehow be stronger. All this pain was really becoming too much for his fragile heart.

Carlos took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Why? Why? Why? His heart felt like it was bursting from all the pain it contained. He wished he could take away some of the pain. Somehow.

He suddenly remembered Logan telling him that sometimes, people cut themselves with razors or something just because they wanted to take their emotional pain away with physical pain. Maybe he should do that.

Before, Carlos would've never even thought about doing something like that. But now… he wasn't so sure. He'd love for all his emotional pain to disappear, if only temporarily.

Before Carlos could stop himself, his feet carried him all the way to the bathroom. No one was home. Carlos opened the drawer, taking out his red razor. Maybe this was a bad idea…

Carlos changed his mind when he felt another burst of pain from his heart, if that was even possible. Everyone _hated_ him. Who even cared anymore? Well, Bethany did, but that was just because she felt bad for someone as pathetic as he was.

He turned the razor on, pulling his sleeve up to his shoulders. He lifted the razor, and placed it on his arm. He gasped when the razor cut his caramel skin, creating a thin line of blood. He stopped feeling any kind of pain other than the cut on his arm.

He dragged the razor in deeper, until his arm was covered in blood. He turned the razor back off, and stared at his arm. What had he done?

Carlos washed off the blood on his arm, wincing at the fierce pain. He wrapped it up in the box of bandages that Logan always had in the bathroom. Just in case, he had always said. Just in case.

Carlos felt an ache in his arm. It hurt. A lot. He was starting to think that he'd done something seriously stupid, but then he realized something.

He wasn't feeling any of that emotional pain at that moment. His arm hurt too much for that. Carlos smiled. Maybe this wasn't such a bad thing after all… now he understood why there were so many cutters in this world.

Carlos shrugged to himself, cleaning up the sink and the bathroom floor. He closed the door on his way out, and went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. He felt _good_, even though his arm was throbbing.

Maybe he could try it again some time.

**A/N- So… please don't murder me. I know it took be eternity to update this… sigh. I feel really bad. I'm not going to go through another rant like I did in my other story, but I'm really sorry. SO sorry you don't even know. Please forgive me? **

**And don't you just feel so bad for Carlos? I made his Papi a horrible man, didn't I? Sigh. That's a lot of pain for Carlos to take in. Poor guy.**

**Review? It makes my day, even though I don't deserve them for my late update…**

**Peace, Love, and Sorry?**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	13. Pain

_**Chapter 13**_

At rehearsal the next day, Carlos tripped over his own feet five times, knocked Logan over three times, bumped into James two times, and accidentally kicked Kendall once. His voice cracked every time he started singing the chorus of a song, and he sang off tune when he thought of his parents.

He could tell the guys and Gustavo and Kelly were really annoyed of him messing up. He asked them for a quick break, and ran into the bathroom. He splashed cold water on himself, taking shaky breaths. He couldn't stop thinking about his parents. They were supposed to love each other.

But they didn't. They hated each other liked stupid Simon hated Carlos. Carlos didn't what he'd do if he had to go back to Minnesota for the holiday or something. Who would he visit first? Who would he live with? Who-

Carlos was shook out of his painful thoughts when someone tapped his shoulder. Whipping his head around, he saw that it was James.

"Dude, you ready? _Please_ stop screwing up, okay?" James asked, trying to keep the irritating tone out of his voice. But Carlos knew James was annoyed of him, and that Kendall and Logan were probably, too.

"I-I'm sorry," Carlos mumbled softly, looking at the ground. He could see James frowning at him from the corner of his eye, and his suspicions were proved true. He was holding them behind. His stupid little pathetic problems were failing Big Time Rush. He had to step it up.

"Let's go," James said, pushing Carlos forward rather harshly.

The rest of the day went by, and Carlos found himself getting worse and worse at the dance moves and singing on pitch. An hour before rehearsal was supposed to end, Gustavo sent them home, screaming at them, saying that his headache was getting worse and worse.

The silence was killing Carlos. He sat in the backseat of the limo, his feet dangling and his fingers tapping the window. He looked up when someone slapped his hand away.

"Dude! Can you stop? It's annoying the heck out of me," Logan snapped, pressing his fingers to his temples.

"First you mess up at the studio, and now you're being irritating. Great. Just great," James mumbled sarcastically, groaning loudly.

Carlos didn't know what to say. His friends never used to get mad at him for messing up during rehearsal. If anything, they'd corner him and ask what was wrong. But not today. Not this time. This time, they were just all pissed at him. Maybe his screw-ups were getting old. Maybe they were getting tired of him.

Carlos felt something stab his heart at that thought. Did his friends want to ditch him? Throw him away and not care about him, like everyone else in this world right now? Carlos blinked back the tears that were starting to form in his eyes.

His friends wouldn't do that, would they? They wouldn't do that, right?

Right.

Or so he hoped so.

_Line line line_

Wednesday was the day it happened. It was the day when Kendall punched him.

He'd just been walking around that night, watching the hockey game and doing his homework at the same time.

Somehow, _somehow_, his hand reached over and knocked Kendall's juice over, spilling it all over his three page essay. Now, Carlos knew that Kendall wasn't the smartest guy there was, so he already felt bad for spilling liquid all over his essay. It had probably took him a long time to write.

Kendall had just stared at it for a few seconds, mouth gaping, and then he lifted his head and glared. He glared at Carlos so fiercely that Carlos wanted to cry. When had Kendall _ever_ looked so intimidating? Never. Well, at least not to his friends.

Before Carlos knew it, Kendall drew back his fist and punched Carlos square in the face. Carlos gasped, feeling the blood from his nose and the throbbing in his left eye. He looked at Kendall, shocked and hurt.

"Wh…what was th-that for?" Carlos asked shakily.

Kendall scoffed. "As if you didn't know. You just spilled juice all over my essay! This took me _three weeks_ to write! Ugh, you are _so_ self-conceited."

Carlos frowned. "What? I'm not self-conceited!"

"Well, either that or you're stupid. Pick your favorite." Now Carlos _was_ starting to cry. Kendall never spoke like that to his friends… but maybe Carlos wasn't his friend anymore.

"Kendall, why-" He never finished his sentence, because Kendall had cleared his throat loudly.

"Carlos, you are _so _pathetic. Your grades are horrible and you _mess up everything!_ Why can't you do something right for once? You're _so_ annoying!" Kendall turned away after his rant and stormed off to his room.

Through his haze of tears, Carlos saw James and Logan hurrying after Kendall. He heard them telling Kendall to calm down, that Carlos was just being immature.

Carlos looked down and blinked, causing a precious tear to flow down his right cheek. How could they? How could they just ignore him and go help Kendall? He'd done nothing wrong, yet he'd all gotten them so mad at him. Everything had happened so quickly.

Why was it that nothing was ever going his way? _Everyone _hated him now. Everyone. It was obvious that his friends weren't his friends anymore, no matter how much Carlos wanted them to be.

It hurt so _bad _when James and Logan had walked off with Kendall, telling him that he was right and Carlos was wrong and stupid. It hurt so _bad_.

Carlos sniffled and ran out of the apartment, down the stairs, through the lobby, across the pool, and out into the public streets.

He stared at all the cars lined up before the traffic light, beeping and cursing. It was a chaos. Just like his life was now.

Carlos wiped the tears from his eyes, wincing as he gently touched his left eye. Kendall was so strong he'd probably left a huge bruise there. Why did Kendall suddenly hate him so much? Why did James and Logan suddenly hate him, too?

Carlos grabbed onto a thick tree branch as his legs gave way beneath him. Everything hurt so much. He was emotionally hurt from Kendall's comments and James and Logan's betrayal. And he was physically hurt from the black eye Kendall gave him, the almost broken nose, and his arm.

Wait. His arm. Carlos remembered how good it had felt when he cut himself. All the emotional pain had been gone. He'd trade physical pain to get rid of his emotional and mental pain any day. And today _was_ any day.

He walked home, watching the birds chirp happily and the Palm Woods kids having a blast at the pool. If only, if only could have great friends like those kids did… Carlos shook away the thoughts. _Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're pathetic, just like Kendall said._

He opened the door to 2J hesitantly, but seeing no one there, he quickly entered the bathroom and locked the door. As if he were an expert, he took out the razor, turned it on, and started taking his inner pain away.

And once again, it felt so _good_.

**A/N- Carlos, Carlos, Carlos… why am I making you do this? I really don't know… but don't you just feel bad for him?**

**And as for Kendall being stupid, I guess there may be a reason for it? I'll try to add more about him and the other jerks soon. **

**Thanks for the support, you guys! I love you all and keep on reviewing! **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	14. Date

_**Chapter 14**_

"Hey Carlos!" Carlos flinched as he heard someone call his name. Every time that happened, it was usually someone wanting to beat him up. He walked faster and faster until he was practically sprinting.

"Carlos, wait! I just wanna talk to you!" Carlos froze and turned, watching as Bethany, panting, approached him.

"Oh, sorry… I thought you w-were someone else..." Carlos admitted embarrassedly.

Bethany smiled. "That's nice. So, what are you doing this weekend?" She asked, tilting her head. Carlos was really starting to like Bethany. She was so nice to him, and because of her, Simon hadn't even touched Carlos for three whole days.

"Um, n-nothing. Why?"

Bethany smiled. "I just wanted to know if you wanted to go somewhere… with me?" Her eyes bore into his, and Carlos couldn't tear his gaze away from this beautiful girl.

"M-me? You want me to g-go with y-you somewhere?" Bethany nodded. Carlos licked his lips. Why was it that Bethany was always so nice to him, but everyone else hated him? It confused him, but he was glad there was at least _someone_ in this world that cared about him.

"Don't sound so surprised. You're a sweet guy," Bethany said casually. "So, what do you say? You wanna go out for dinner on Saturday?"

Carlos looked around doubtfully. Was this a prank or something, because no one had _ever_ asked him out on a date before. But there was nothing unusual.

"Uh… sure?" He squeaked. Bethany squealed and hugged Carlos tightly. Carlos had to admit that it felt good. Someone was _hugging _him,, giving him physical comfort. The only times people had laid a hand on him was when bullies beat him up and when Kendall had punched him.

"Alright, then, I'll meet you at Fun Burger's at 6, alright?" Bethany smiled when Carlos nodded, batting her eyelashes. Then, in the blink of an eye, she vanished.

Carlos stood there, mesmerized. He'd never felt so… dreamy, before. He felt like he was walking on clouds. The joy he felt in his heart was too much to even describe. Did Bethany just… ask him out? Like, on a _date_ out?

Carlos figured she had, and he practically skipped into History class. He sat down next to Kendall, James, and Logan. Unfortunately for him, the seats they'd sat in the first day of school were their permanent seats for the whole year. He was stuck every day in the middle of Kendall and James during History class. It always felt so awkward and tense.

Like today, when the teacher told the class to find a partner in their "desk group", James, Kendall, and Logan all fought to not be partners with Carlos. But in the end, Kendall and Logan were partners, and Carlos was stuck with James. Or, James was stuck with Carlos.

They were learning about World War II. Carlos remembered learning about that millions of times in middle school and elementary school… but whatever.

Recently, Carlos had started paying more and more attention to class. He had nothing to do at home, so he figured that actually _doing_ his homework would make him feel less pathetic and lonely and friendless. When Mrs. Knight asked him why he wasn't out with someone, Carlos just forced a cheerful smile and said, "Oh, I've got _tons_ of homework to do". It worked really well, too.

But since he started casting an effort to learn, he _had_ learned quiet easily. He was actually smarter than he'd ever thought he could be. Before all the crap happened to his life, he was the dumbest brick you could ever meet. But now, he was getting almost all A's and the occasional B.

Carlos surprised himself more than anyone.

But today, Carlos wasn't surprised when James had _no idea_ what to do with the worksheet. He just stared at it blankly, confusion written on his face. Carlos almost laughed when he remembered that _that_ was how he used to be like.

After 5 minutes of listening to Kendall and Logan chatter excitedly, and James staring at them enviously, Carlos cleared his throat. "Alright, number one. 'Name three countries that were part of the Axis Powers.' James, do… d-do you know who they were?"

James whipped his head around and stared at Carlos like he was crazy. But then, his face softened, and he looked like he was thinking really hard. "Um… weren't they like, weapons, or something?"

Carlos tried to hide his smile, but failed. James glared. "What are you laughing at, freak?" Carlos looked down, still smiling, but he couldn't ignore the pain in his heart when James had called him a "freak".

"I'm sorry, but James… that's one of the sides who fought in the war."

James's face turned a little shade of red. "Oh… I knew that. So, um, what's the answer?"

"Well, three of the countries in the Axis Powers were Japan, Germany, and Italy."

Carlos walked James through the rest of the worksheet, trying to ignore the pain in his heart when James continually snapped at him for some unknown reasons. Carlos knew that James still hated him, but since Bethany had asked him out on a date, Carlos still felt happy.

The bell rang, and James quickly gathered up all his things and started to leave. Suddenly, he stopped and just stood there to the right of the door. Carlos slowly packed up his things, walking towards James to leave.

Right when he took a step out the door, a hand stopped him. Carlos turned and saw James looking at him.

"Uh, do you need something?" Carlos asked nervously. What if James had found some reason to be mad at him? What if he hurt him…

"Thanks. For helping me." James said softly. He flashed Carlos a smile, and then, he turned and walked out of the room, getting swept away by a large group of his friends laughing and joking around.

Carlos, once again, stood there in shock. This was the best day he'd had since he came to this school. Bethany asked him out on a _date_, and James _smiled_ at him.

Carlos _really_ didn't want this to be a dream.

_Line line line _

That night at 5, Carlos dug out the nicest looking suit he had, and put on his polka-dotted tie. He brushed his hair, took a shower, decided he should brush his hair again, and put on his suit.

He looked at himself in the mirror, smiling slightly when he saw himself. He didn't look _too_ hideous.

Just then, his three bandmates walked in, and stopped short when they saw Carlos. "Dude, what are you _doing? _You look like you actually took a shower!" Kendall asked, raising his bushy eyebrows.

Carlos coughed nervously. "Um, um…"

Logan chuckled. "This is the first time I've seen Carlos actually _on a date_! And this time we didn't even have to bribe the girl to come!" James and Kendall laughed along with him. Carlos looked down, not knowing if they were just joking around or if they were making fun of him. Either way, that comment hurt.

"Well, run along. And don't trip over your shoes!" James mocked as Carlos walked out the door, head down.

Carlos wiped a tear away from his face, sniffling. He wasn't going to let them get to him. He wasn't.

But they'd never made fun of him like that before. But now… they were _laughing_ at him… Carlos knew right then that they weren't who they used to be. Who Carlos _wanted_ them so desperately to be.

Just when he thought James liked him again, he had to go and make fun of him… James and the other _did_ hate him. He was stupid to think they actually _liked_ him again. He sighed, shaking the thoughts out of his head.

But when he got to the restaurant, his mood was happy again. He was going on a freaking _date_ with a pretty girl. And _she_ had asked _him_ out. Things could not get any better, even though his life was still horrible on all the other aspects.

He walked in after taking a couple deep breaths. He heard the bell jingling as he pushed the door open. He was about to start looking for Bethany when a voice surprised him.

"Hey, Carlos!"

**A/N- Well, that's KINDA a cliffhanger? But what do you think's gonna happen on Carlos's date? **

**I don't have much to say… so please review? I'll be updating this story more since my other story is finished! Yay! *happy dance***

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	15. I'm in Lvoe

_**Chapter 15**_

Carlos turned around quickly, expecting the worse. But he relaxed when he saw Bethany standing behind him, waving excitedly. Carlos couldn't even wave back, he was frozen from her beauty. Literally.

"Carlos? Carlos, you there?" Bethany shook her hand in front of Carlos's face. Carlos snapped out of his daze and smiled the best he could.

"Oh! U-um, sorry… you just look so _beautiful_." Carlos blushed beet red when he spoke his thoughts aloud. Bethany just smiled.

"You are _so_ sweet, Carlos! Now how bout we find somewhere _nice_ to sit." Carlos nodded like a dumbstruck fool, and soon, he found himself sitting in a remote yet beautiful corner of the restaurant. Totally romantic.

Carlos found himself falling head over heels for this girl as they chatted about random things. Their favorite color, their families, the food they were going to get…

After Carlos and Bethany ordered their pizza, it was silent as the two munched on their food hungrily. Carlos kept on staring at Bethany. She even had this beautiful way of _eating _food. And Carlos loved it.

He loved everything about Bethany. She had stuck up for him when Simon had bullied him, she'd comforted him, and called him sweet. Things couldn't have gotten any better. This was the best he'd felt in _months._ There was finally someone who cared about him.

The love he received from Bethany as she pecked his cheek warmed his heart inside and out. He loved the feeling of being loved. The feelings that Kendall, James, and Logan used to show for him.

Suddenly, Carlos found himself wishing more than ever that his old friends were back. Just having a girl wasn't good enough… then, he scolded himself silently for thinking such a thought. He was a _loser_, and to have a great person like Bethany was way more than he'd ever get…

Carlos shook his head. Where had all those thoughts come from? Carlos wasn't usually one to lose confidence in himself. That was usually Logan… well, when Logan was still the old Logan.

But maybe the words and the bullying were getting to him. All the names he was called, the punches and shoves he received every day, _everything_… maybe it was just getting to him now.

Carlos didn't even notice as hours ticked by. He had stopped all the insecure thoughts from entering his mind by distracting himself by talking to Bethany. He learned a lot about her, and he was pretty sure she about knew his life story by now.

When it was time to go, Carlos felt his heart dropping. It couldn't have ended so _soon_, could it? Now he finally understood why people always said the "time flies."

"I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" Bethany asked cheerfully. "This was fun, Carlos. Really." She winked and then walked off, disappearing into the shadows of the parking lot.

Carlos sighed happily, staring out after her until he felt vibrating in the pockets of his pants. He pulled out his phone, and saw a text from Mrs. Knight.

_Carlos, sweetie, can you come home? I have something I need to talk to you about._ Carlos gulped. Whenever Kendall's mom needed to have a _talk_, it was usually something bad.

Carlos tried not to think about what it was that he was in trouble for. Had he broken something again? Did his friends tell Mrs. Knight something that would get him in trouble? By now, Carlos wouldn't doubt that possibility.

When he got home, he saw Mrs. Knight sitting alone on the couch, her face turned away from him. Carlos thought she was crying for a second, but then she turned her face and all he saw was concern and pity.

"Carlos, sweetie, come and sit down." Carlos did.

Mrs. Knight sighed. "Honey, I just received a call from your principal. You're failing almost every single class. Especially math."

Carlos didn't answer. Instead, he looked at the ground and tried not to think about anything involving what Kendall's mom was saying.

Mrs. Knight sighed. "Carlos, what's wrong? You're a very smart boy."

Carlos just nodded. He _was_ smarter than before, but… he couldn't tell her. She wouldn't understand. She would think he was crazy, telling her that when he looked at words on a sheet of paper, the letters all got jumbled up and he couldn't tell which was which. He was completely screwed up, wasn't he?

"Carlos. Tell me what's wrong." Carlos looked up when he heard a stern tone in Mrs. Knight's voice. Whenever she spoke like that, Carlos was afraid for his life. She sounded so stern, kind of like _his_ mother…

Mrs. Knight's face softened when she saw the fear in Carlos's eyes. "Sweetie, I'm worried about you. You've got to talk to me, alright?"

Carlos took a deep breath. "I… y-you'll think I'm crazy." What was up with him and speaking his thoughts aloud?

"Carlos, I promise I won't. Can you please tell me what's wrong?"

Carlos shifted his position uncomfortably. "I… I… wh-whenever I look at homework or read a b-book… the words, they just… they just get all jumbled up. Like all the letters… they just like, sw-switch places or something…"

He was ready for Mrs. Knight to say that he was lying, that he was just making an excuse for being lazy. But when he looked up, Mrs. Knight looked ten times more worried than she had been when Carlos had walked in.

"Carlos, how long has this been happening?" Mrs. Knight asked, putting her hand on Carlos's shoulder.

"I… probably for a f-few months." Carlos didn't know where this was going.

"Carlos… this is something serious. I think you may have dyslexia."

Carlos wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead. Dyslexia? What was _that_?

Mrs. Knight seemed to read his mind, or maybe he'd spoken out loud again. "Carlos… people who have dyslexia have a hard time reading and writing. They see words… like how you see them. But I'm surprised that you haven't had it before."

"But don't worry; you won't be any different, alright? You'll just have a harder time with reading and writing. But I'll help you, alright?" Carlos nodded. Now there was _another_ thing wrong with him. He was such a stupid, useless-

Carlos shook his head again. Why was he thinking those thoughts? He tried putting them to the back of his mind, but they just kept on popping back to the front.

"Can… can you not tell anyone? I don't want them to know…" Carlos whispered. He was already a freak. If they knew he had some learning disability… Carlos didn't even want to think about what would happen.

But at least now he knew why his words kept getting jumbled up. There wasn't something wrong with him after all… well, other than the dyslexia… but lots of people had that, right? Right?

Mrs. Knight smiled sympathetically. "Of course I won't, alright? You can tell them whenever you're ready, alright?" Mrs. Knight kissed Carlos on the same place Bethany had kissed him, and started to retrieve back into her room.

Carlos could tell she was seriously worried, but just not trying to show it in front of him. Dyslexia was... probably something serious. Carlos just hoped it wouldn't make Mrs. Knight over protective of him… Though sometimes, he did enjoy it when someone cared about him too much.

Carlos nodded. _Whenever he was ready?_ "That's gonna be _never_," Carlos muttered under his breath. Mrs. Knight turned.

"What was that?"

Carlos looked down. "N-nothing."

_Line line line_

Carlos lay in bed, listening to James moaning in his sleep. He couldn't stop smiling whenever he thought about his date with Bethany. It had been just like the princess stories his Mami used to read him at night.

He tried not to let the dyslexia bother him, but it did. What if someone found out?

Carlos didn't think he could really tell anyone right now who wouldn't make fun of him… except for Bethany. But Carlos wasn't even sure he could tell _her._

But it was normal, right? Plenty of boys in high school had dyslexia, right? He wasn't weird, right? Just because he had some disability, it didn't make him any different, right?

Carlos tuned his thoughts back to a few hours ago. He could still feel Bethany's breath in his face, still could see her beautiful red dress and her black heels. He could still feel the love and the happiness he felt.

It wasn't until he was already asleep did he realize that he hadn't even thought about cutting himself that day.

**A/N- So… I just noticed I started the last chapter the same way I ended it! Isn't that cool? Or was that just weird?**

**But the title is supposed to hint that he's dyslexic, you know, cuz the word "love" is all jumbled up... well, the most jumbled up four letters can get. :)**

**Anyways, I got a review from tanyaforever9 saying that I haven't brought up that dyslexia thing in a LONG time. Whoops. I keep getting lost in my plots… I forget to go back to them. Anyways, I added that in, and it's gonna have a pretty big part in the story.**

**So thank you tanyaforever9! Big shout out to her! **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	16. Hockey and Phone Calls

_**Chapter 16**_

Carlos winced as the sharp blow of the whistle reached his ears. It was the last minute of the hockey game at Carlos's school. He wondered why he hadn't quit yet

After all, all he did there was practice hockey and get yelled at by the huge guys on the team for being "bad at hockey." Honestly, he thought he was pretty good. And _that_ was saying something.

No one really ever passed to him, and Carlos was spacing off and pretending to skate around looking into the game, when he felt something hit his hockey stick. He glanced up at the clock. Twenty seconds. He looked down and saw the hockey puck right next to his stick.

With a deep breath, Carlos started skating with the stick. He got closer and closer to the goal, and his eyes met the goalie's. He didn't know who he was, but all he knew was that he was finally about to shoot. He was finally going to get some praise here instead of criticism.

He could feel the blood rushing inside of him, and he was getting closer and closer…

Suddenly, he saw a skate appear out of nowhere. He had no time to stop himself, and he went flying. When he landed, he felt a sharp pain in his left arm, and he whimpered. What the heck was that?

He heard the buzzer through his shock and pain. He slowly stood up, listening as the crowd booed at him. Did they care at all that he just flew ten feet across the ice? Obviously not.

He looked around hesitantly, not wanting to see the big frowns on his team members' faces. But the first face he saw was smiling. And it wasn't a friendly smile. It was more like a smirk than anything.

Simon. Carlos looked at Simon's skates. They were the exact pair that had tripped him. Simon had purposely tripped him just so he could miss. Did he think losing the game was worth tripping Carlos?

Carlos sighed, breaking off his gaze with Simon. Was this just another way he used to bully him without hurting him himself? By getting other people mad at him?

Carlos tried to ignore the screams of the coach and the harsh back slaps he received from everyone. James and Logan even came up to him and told him some mean things that he never wanted to think about again. But when he was about to leave, Kendall came up to him. He didn't look so happy.

"I thought you were better than that, Carlos, "he said angrily.

Carlos had been seeing less and less of Kendall since the beginning of the year. Kendall was pretty much the most popular kid in school now. All the girls loved him and James and Logan, but mostly Kendall.

Kendall was always chosen first when they played hockey games, and people always asked him to hang out. He was the school jock, heart throb, and star.

And even though it had started making him such a jerk, Carlos wished he were in Kendall's place. He really would prefer it more than _his_ position in this school.

"Kendall, I'm _really_ sorry, but-"

Kendall scoffed. "Please don't make excuses. We all know that _that_ was just plain stupid and something a retard would do."

Carlos shook his head. "No, you don't get it. When I was-" But Kendall had already walked off, shaking his head.

Carlos hated it when he disappointed Kendall. But now, Kendall didn't even want to hear what Carlos had to say to him. Why did Kendall automatically believe what his eyes saw? He _never_ would have before. But _now_ wasn't _before_.

Carlos found himself wishing, for the millionth time, that all this never happened. He didn't really even know when all _this_ had started. When they'd gone to this school? Or was it way before that?

The Latino boy sighed when he heard Kendall's little group laughing at how _stupid_ he had been. But what hurt most was that Kendall, his big brother and his former leader, was also laughing at him.

Carlos turned away and walked out of the building. Where had that old Kendall go? Even more, where had that old James and that old Logan go? They were all gone, and then were now replaced with someone else. Someone that Carlos hated and feared more than ever.

He wanted his friends back. He really did.

But he couldn't shake off the fact that maybe he didn't _deserve_ them. He wasn't as smart as Logan, he wasn't as handsome and good with girls like James, and he wasn't… _everything_ that Kendall was.

But he wished he was. He wished he was just as great as his three former best friends. Or maybe they were his enemies now.

_Line line line _

When Carlos got home, he had two new voice mails. He didn't have to hear them to know who they were from. Who else would care enough to call his number?

It was his parents. His parents, who were now breaking up and not caring about each other. Kind of like him and his three best friends. They broke up and didn't care about each other now.

But sometimes, breaking up with someone is good, right? Like when BTR broke up, Kendall and James and Logan all started having a great time. Without him.

But Carlos knew there was always that someone being left behind. And that someone, in this case, was him. He was being left behind. So maybe breaking up _wasn't _such a great thing for the person who's thrown aside.

Carlos dialed his mother's voice mail first.

_Carlos, honey, it's your Mami. We just signed the contract, sweetie, and I'm really sorry this had to happen. But I can't live with that man any longer. He's probably out with his new wife right now. But anyways, I just wanted to tell you that if you ever come back to visit, it'd be better to come live with you mom, alright? Your dad may be a little… busy. I'm still living in our hose, and I wouldn't care less where your father went. I'm really sorry, buddy…_

Carlos blinked back the tears in his eyes. He _hated_ it that his parents hated each other. Now he couldn't be with one without the other getting mad at him. And there was already so much anger being thrown at him… he really didn't need any more.

_This is your father, Carlos. My plane ticket to Wisconsin is at four tomorrow morning. I'm planning on getting engaged with Trina. She's such a sweet young lady, and she won't get me in trouble like some people do. I'll tell you as soon as I can when the wedding is. And you ever tell your mom where I am, you and your mom will be in some serious trouble. You hear me? This is the end of me and her._

Sobs broke out of Carlos's body. Why, why _why_ did his parents hate each other so much? He wanted them back…. He wanted his friends back, too.

He wanted everything he'd lost back. He just wanted _love_ back. No one loved him anymore in this world. His parents probably cared less about the well being of _him._ And his friends _didn't_ care about him at all.

He had nothing left. He was just a pathetic little human being now. And he hated it so much. He despised it more than anything he'd ever hated in his life.

Carlos cried and cried, wishing that things could be back to normal.

And if they couldn't get back to normal, then he just wanted _everything_, he just wanted his life, to end.

**A/N- Poor, poor Carlos… I'm so sorry for doing this to you, buddy. **

**Anyways, I've been having a decrease of reviews… that makes me sad. So can you all please review? Or Carlos is gonna have to do something bad. Well, I'll MAKE him do something bad.**

**And I tried to get a little of Kendall and his new self into the story! **

**This story has almost reached it's climax. So be prepared. **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	17. Nostalgia

_**Chapter 17**_

Carlos didn't think his dyslexia would be a problem in his daily life. He didn't have to let anyone but Mrs. Knight know, right?

Wrong. In History that day, the teacher chose him to read a paragraph about the Vietnam War out loud. Carlos stared at the teacher, wishing he could tell him right then and there why he just… couldn't. But he didn't want to seem like a freak with disabilities, so he tried the best he could to read it.

To put it softly, it went horribly. Every other word, he had to stop for five seconds and try to figure out what word actually made sense to be in that sentence. And the stupid paragraph was _seven_ sentences long. Carlos never knew unscrambling words would be so hard. He'd always done it when he was little.

He almost died right there in relief when he finished the paragraph. The teacher stared at him, his eyes digging into Carlos. Carlos had a feeling the teacher knew what why he had sucked so bad at reading.

Carlos was even more relieved when the teacher just kept on going with the lesson without questioning him. But Carlos could still hear all the snickers from all over the room. He turned and saw Kendall and James and Logan laughing at him, too.

Didn't they even _care_ why Carlos was so bad at reading? Before, they'd have dragged him out into the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. But now… now the just _laughed_ at him. And that hurt so much.

When the bell rang, Carlos quickly walked outside with his stuff. Someone pushed him over and called him a retard. He stumbled a few steps, but someone caught him and prevented him from falling.

Carlos turned. It was… Logan's girlfriend. Alana, or something like that. Carlos couldn't care less. "Watch where you're falling, dude," she said curtly. And she only sounded a little bit angry.

"Sorry…" Carlos mumbled, trying to push past her. She pushed Carlos back, looking at him with a weird look.

"Dude, why did you suck so bad in reading today? My four year old brother could read better than that," she said, looking him over.

Carlos looked down. "I… I don't know. I guess I'm just a little off today. Nothing to be worried about." He almost smacked himself. This girl probably didn't care about him. She wouldn't be worried. No one would be. So why was she trying to be so nice?

Logan seemed to glare holes through Carlos's shirt when he walked up and wrapped his arm around Alana. "Hey, my lady," he said, kissing her on the cheek. Carlos turned away.

He turned back around when Logan started talking. "What are you doing with my girl? Huh?" Logan poked Carlos's chest each word he said.

Rubbing his chest, Carlos said, "She just came up to me a-and-"

Alana interrupted him. "No! He's lying, babe. He just came up and asked me if I had to do anything after school."

Carlos widened his eyes. "N-"

Alana pretended to look scared. "He said he'd take me out to dinner, but I said no," she said quietly.

Logan's glare seemed to dig a hole into Carlos's body. "You are so screwed up, Carlos." He turned away without saying or doing another thing. Alana smirked at Carlos and turned after Logan. Carlos stared after them, mouth agape. How could she just have done that? She had acted so nice...

Carlos walked in the opposite direction of the couple. Now, Logan didn't even care about him enough to get mad at him, huh? He didn't even care about Carlos enough to ask him if it was true. Which it wasn't. Carlos sighed, looking up at the ceiling and blinking back his tears. Logan… Logan.

Carlos remembered how Logan had always tutored him in math and history and all the other subject, how he was the Good Luck Patrol with him, everything. And now he was gone, swept away with everything good in Carlos's life. Where they went, Carlos would probably never know.

The incident with Logan and Alana made Carlos sad and depressed for the rest of the day. When he got home, he just deleted the voicemails his parents had left for him. He couldn't stand the pain of hearing the hate they spread to each other. He was like the pushover little messenger who had to deliver words to two people who weren't speaking to each other.

Carlos lay on his bed, tears streaming down his face without him even realizing it. He had _such_ a stupid life… he was _such_ a failure. Only failures had lives like his, right? Right.

Carlos quickly wiped his eyes when he hard the door of the apartment opening. He quickly ran into the bathroom, trying to cover up the fact that he was crying. After washing his face a few times, he opened the door as quietly as he could and peeked out to see who had entered.

It was Kendall. The blonde boy was currently sitting on the couch, watching a hockey game. Carlos was surprised; he hadn't seen Kendall watching TV for ages. He was always too busy. Unlike Carlos himself…

Kendall stood up just as Carlos entered the kitchen to get a cup of water. Carlos watched silently as Kendall finally noticed his presence. They locked eyes and stared at each other.

Then, as quickly as it had happened, Kendall broke away indifferently and walked into his room. Carlos kept staring, standing still on the kitchen floor. He had missed those eyes so much. Rather, he missed those eyes when they'd looked at him with concern and friendliness, not when they were filled with anger and hatred, like right now. Hatred for him.

He couldn't keep the hurt from entering his heart when his former friends would walk in, see him, and just completely ignored him. It hurt… he really really _really_ missed the old days. Now he really knew what people meant by the word "nostalgia", though even _he_ knew that that feeling shouldn't have come until he was, like, 80 years old or something.

"Dude, are you deaf now, too, or what?" Carlos jerked out of his thoughts when he heard Kendall's voice.

"What! Sorry, what?" Kendall sighed loudly, as if Carlos were some annoying little kid. And maybe, too Kendall, he was. And to everyone else, too.

"I _said_, can you move out of the way?" Carlos looked down at his feet and saw that he was blocking the trash can. He quickly stepped away and watched sadly as Kendall threw away a crumpled up paper cup.

Just as he was about to turn away, Kendall's cold hand stopped him. Carlos turned slowly and stared into Kendall's eyes.

"Alright, listen up, okay? I'm gonna be with some friends I met today. And I _know _for a fact that mom wouldn't let me hang out with them. So if she asks, tell her I'm at the gym."

Carlos nodded slowly. "But… what if she goes th-there to check and-" He stopped talking when Kendall shoved him roughly.

"Just do what I ask you, alright?" Kendall glared at him. Carlos nodded quickly, not wanting to anger the blonde.

"And if she finds out, I'm blaming it on _you_. Ya hear me?" Kendall practically shouted.

"But, but, what if-"

"Shut up! Just remember what I said, OKAY?" Kendall hissed, his eyes narrow slits of green.

"O-okay," Carlos said meekly.

Kendall smirked. "Good." And then he was out the door, off to do something that might've been illegal. But Carlos couldn't say anything… but what would Kendall do if he did?

Carlos decided that it was better to tell Mrs. Knight. What if Kendall was, like, hurt or arrested or something? It would break Mrs. Knight's heart. And she seemed to be the only one other than Bethany that cared about him.

Carlos knew he had to tell Mrs. Knight. He had to prevent Kendall from hurting himself with whatever he was doing and breaking Mrs. Knight's heart.

He had to.

When Kendall's mom returned from the grocery store, and asked where Kendall was, Carlos told her quietly, "H-he told me not to tell you, but I think you should know. He s-said he was somewhere with his new f-friends, and… he was g-gonna do something bad." Carlos was surprised at how straight-forward he was being.

Mrs. Knight, just sighed, an unreadable look in her eyes, and kissed Carlos on the cheek. "Thank you for telling me, sweetie." Soon, she had gone off to look for Kendall. Carlos doubted she would find him.

Carlos sighed, running a hand through his hair and he went into his room and stared at his computer screen. He quickly signed on to Twitter. His heart broke when he saw that the CG Haters Club had even more subscribers than last week.

And there were more than 100 likes. Carlos slammed his laptop shut, trying to blink the tears back into his eyes. It didn't work. He cried and cried until he heard someone come back into the house.

He lay in his bed that night, sniffling and whimpering. This was all getting too much for him. He couldn't handle it anymore.

The past few days had been his worst.

But nothing compared to what would happen to him the next day.

**A/N- Yeah, sorry it the last part was a bit rushed. I really didn't know what else to include in there… forgive me? I know you will, right? **

**And Backstage Rush was GREAT! It was kinda different seeing them actually doing the touring… and I love how Logan was reading that book! And the cricket! And did you know Carlos actually had to eat a real live cricket for that scene? Well, he did. And I love how Carlos loves that cricket so much… and how James and Kendall played with their Star Wars light sabers (I used to think it was called "light savers" hehe) and stuff. **

**And isn't Kendall just cruel? And aren't Logan and Alana just the best couple? Not. But anyways, please review this chapter! And thank you for all the support I'm getting for this story! I love you all so much!**

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	18. Too Much

_**Chapter 18**_

Carlos already knew it was going to be a bad day when he woke up. He was woken by the sounds of crashing things outside. He forced his tired eyes open, and almost sighed in relief. It was Friday. The last day before the weekend. Oh, how he loved Fridays.

James wasn't in his bed, so Carlos peeked outside the door quietly. He saw Kendall punching the wall, anger shown on all of his features. James quickly ran towards Kendall, restraining him from further damaging his knuckles.

"Dude, you've GOT to calm down," Logan said dismissively, as it he didn't care if Kendall did or didn't.

"But CARLOS, stupid stupid CARLOS told my mom! He told on me! That little snitch. I'll k-kill him for this-" Kendall couldn't go on due to the huge breaths he took. He tried to punch again, but James was stronger.

"What is _up_ with that idiot these days? I mean, yesterday, he tried to steal my girlfriend from me. How pathetic can he get?" Logan said exasperatedly. Carlos looked down, inching the door closed. They hated him. They really did. And here was his proof.

"And he acts all smart and stuff when he can't even read two words properly." James scoffed, completely forgetting about restraining Kendall. Carlos wanted to block out their words so badly, but he had to hear what they had to say.

"Bet he just does that for attention… and now I'm grounded for A MONTH. Do you know how much I'm gonna MISS because of that stupid jerk?" Kendall shouted. Carlos wondered why they didn't just wake him up and beat him senseless already.

He was already worthless, so it wouldn't matter that he was gone, right?

Carlos quickly changed as quietly as he could, and his heart pounded loudly as he posed near the door, ready to open it. But what would his friends do? Well, his bandmates, not friends. Carlos was scared to open that door. But when he heard nothing going on outside, he creaked open the wooden door.

When he stepped outside, he regretted it. Kendall immediately popped out of nowhere, his green eyes glaring at Carlos. "I hate you. You _promised _me, you worthless little piece of-"

Before he could finish, James and Logan popped up behind Kendall. "Yeah, you tell him, Knight. All he is is pathetic." James added.

Carlos tried not to meet their eyes, but Kendall slapped his chin upward until he couldn't do anything but stare into his green eyes. "I don't want to see you EVER again, alright?" He paused. "But I _have_ to… unless…"

"We've gotta kick him out. He's useless and ugly, no girls are gonna like him," Logan said. Carlos knew what he implied. They wanted to kick him out of Big Time Rush.

"Yeah, all you do is hold us behind." James piped up. Carlos pushed past them, not wanting to hear their hurtful words anymore. He just wanted to leave… he couldn't stand the pain anymore. He knew he was useless, he knew he was pathetic and stupid… he really didn't want people reminding him day after day, again and again and again.

"Aw, look at him, running away from the big monsters. You're so stupid, Carlos. I can't believe I was ever friends with you. I only befriended you because my mom made me when we were 5." Carlos froze for a second and turned around. Did Kendall really mean that?

Kendall smirked. "You heard me. And I bet James and Logan feel the same way."

James nodded. "I double that."

Logan smiled. "I triple it."

When Kendall opened his mouth again, Carlos was out the door, running and running and running away from the three people who had just broken his heart in half. He'd always thought his friends liked him from the start… but what if their parents had made them? What if they hadn't really loved him, _ever_? There went three more people who didn't, or had ever, loved him.

He had no one left. As he neared the school, he started noticing how tired he was. The sprinting had taken out lots of his energy, and he walked the rest of the way there. If he just made it past today… he'd have two days without any pain from school.

But there'd still be his three… enemies, and his parents.

Just then, his phone rang. He answered it without looking at who it was. Once again, he regretted his action.

"Carlos? Is that you?" His father.

"Hi, Papi."

"Don't 'hi' me! You told, didn't you?" Carlos winced at the loud voice. What was he talking about?

"What-"

"Shut up! You told her about Wisconsin, didn't you?"

"No, I s-swear-"

"You useless son! She found me and sued me in court!" His dad sounded angrier than he'd ever sounded before. Carlos felt tears stinging in his eyes.

"Papi, I'm sorry, but I r-really didn't-"

"Don't talk to me anymore. I'm done with you." Carlos stood still as he heard the "beep, beep" nose indicating that his dad had just hung up. His Papi… just have up on him? Carlos didn't even bother considering the fact that he may have been drunk. His dad called him useless… he hated him now, too.

He stood behind the building, weeping. Why did this happen to _him?_ Why, why why? He would never understand why he had to go through so much pain. His friends and his parents hated him… no one cared about him.

When he finally got himself to stop blubbering like a stupid little girl, he walked into school. The cause of all his stupid problems. School.

As if the day weren't horrible enough, Carlos found out something even worse than what had happened to him already. He was just walking around the school, with nothing to do, when he heard it.

"I can't believe he fell for it!" Carlos followed the noise until he stood behind a door. When he peeked inside the room from the window, he saw two familiar people. Simon and Bethany. Together. Kissing.

That should've set an alarm already, but Carlos stayed. Another mistake that he regretted greatly.

"That's because you're a great actor, babe. I would've believed you if I were in that loser's place." Simon said, kissing Bethany on the lips.

Carlos was about to leave, seeing that he didn't want to watch his enemy and his only source of comfort kissing each other, but he accidentally made some kind of noise when he was turning around. Bethany and Simon turned suddenly, and then smiled when they saw Carlos.

"Carlos! Just who I was looking for," Bethany said, motioning for Carlos to come in. He stood in front of Bethany, confused.

"You probably know, Simon, right?" She asked sweetly. Carlos nodded.

Simon groaned. "Just tell him already. He's bound to find out some time."

Bethany nodded. "Right. Right. Anyways, he's my _real_ boyfriend, " she said softly. Her face looked devious.

"What… what d-do y-you mean?" Carlos asked, though he kind of already knew.

"You are just _so_ stupid, aren't you? It was a prank. The date, everything. They dared me. And I was happy to do it for all of our benefits." Carlos heart squeezed painfully tight.

"You sure didn't gain anything, but we sure did. Seeing you actually thinking I would date a loser like _you_ was hilarious." Bethany said, smiling wickedly. Simon smirked beside her.

Carlos felt like he was going to break. "Th-this was… all, a-a-a _prank_?" He squeaked. He wasn't sure he could take the pain. Bethany was the last bright light in his life… and she had betrayed him. She had hated him all along… just like his friends. They'd all hated him all along.

Carlos breathing started to get heavier and heavier, and his eyes got moister from his tears. He ran out, the cruel laughter of Simon and Bethany in his ears. He ran and ran, until he found himself outside.

Bethany was his last little bit of sunshine… but she'd never like him, _ever_. And his friends never had, either. And his Papi hated him now, and his Mami probably did, too. No one at school even cared a crap about him.

Carlos gasped at the sudden pain his heart. He felt like it was going to explode. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't take the pain, the hurtful words, the beatings, the… everything. He couldn't take his life anymore.

Carlos looked down at the green grass and dirt and mud. Though he was outside, he wasn't on the ground. Somehow, he'd found his way onto the roof. He stared and stared and stared, his feet on the edge of the building.

He could jump, and this would all be over, right? No one needed him at all. People only reminded him of that each and every day.

_He's so fat. He's the ugliest boy I've EVER seen. Such a loser…_ That was the online CG Haters club.

_Carlos Garcia,__why__did you put the year 1281? I think you may have dyslexia. _Carlos stepped closer to the edge as he remembered his dyslexia. He was just a big time screw up.

_No one here even _cares_ about you anymore. You're just a loser freak with no friends. I'd bet girls _puke_ when they see you._ Simon.

_You little Mexican freak! Why don't you just go back to where you came from? No one wants you here anyways. _Jason.

_ You're father… kissing a woman I had never met before… we're getting a divorce. _Mami… _She told the dang police that I was doing drugs illegally... You useless son! I'm done with you!_ Papi.

_He's useless and ugly; no girls are gonna like him. You are so screwed up…_ Logan.

_All he is is pathetic. Acts all smart and stuff when he can't even read two words properly. _James.

_ I hate you… you worthless piece of-…__Carlos, you are_so_pathetic. Your grades are horrible and you__mess up everything!__Why can't you do something right for once? You're__so__annoying! _Kendall.

_I can't believe I was ever friends with you. I only befriended you because my mom made me when we were 5. _That was all three of them.

_It was a prank. Seeing you actually thinking I would date a loser like you was hilarious. _Bethany. The last bit of sunshine he had.

The last bit of pain he needed to step over the edge and jump off of the building that had caused him all this pain.

**A/N- I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… I'm sorry for making him jump… I'm truly sorry. I have nothing else to say, other than:**

**Will he live?**

**I'm too depressed to talk about peace, love, and giraffes (though I just did),**

**Anonymous Skrtle**


	19. Found

_**Chapter 19**_

Kendall walked out of the door of Coolidge High, mumbling to himself about how stupid Carlos was for getting him grounded.

He cursed when he tripped over something. He looked down, and was about to keep on walking when he realized what it was.  
>A body. With blood seeping around it. Kendall almost couldn't recognize the face, but after a few seconds, he gasped.<p>

It was Carlos. Kendall crouched down, his anger forgotten, and checked for any pulse. There was none.

Kendall stood back up, still staring down in shock and confusion. What had happened to him? Had someone done this to him? Kendall couldn't know for sure.  
>He texted James and Logan, something he realized that he hadn't done in weeks, months even. "Come to the front of school. Now."<br>Then he dialed 911, frustrated that he hadn't done that first. Everyone knew he panicked when he saw blood. And right now, there was _lots_ of blood where Carlos was laying, motionless. He had to admit, he really didn't like Carlos right now... but still, he couldn't let him just die there on the ground. That was just _way_ too cruel.

But when had he been nice to anyone these days other than Jason and his little group? Kendall couldn't remember. But he couldn't worry about now. Carlos was _dying_, or maybe _already_ dead on the ground.  
>He kneeled down, trying to get Carlos to breath, his breathing getting quicker, when James and Logan came out casually. "Hey, Kendall!" James called out. He didn't notice Carlos.<p>

Kendall looked up, trying not to gag at the blood all over his hands. He couldn't even make any noise when he opened his mouth; he was still in shock.

James probably noticed something was wrong, because him and Logan ran over. When they stared down at what Kendall was looking at, they froze. Kendall couldn't read the expressions on their faces.

Finally, Logan broke the silence. "What… happened to him?" He asked.

Kendall shrugged. "I… I don't know. I just found him out here all bloody and with no pulse."

Logan was about to respond when the three turned at the sound of the ambulanced. A crowd started gathering about the four boys, trying to see what was happening.

Three paramedics came out and ran over to Carlos, pushing and shoving through the crowd. "We'll take it from here, boys." They turned Carlos over on his side, and attached something to his chest. They pressed a button and Kendall heard a 'beep.'

Carlos body jerked, and then went still again. Kendall saw his chest rising and falling again. The shortest paramedic turned to Kendall. "The AED will only help for awhile. Which one of you is going to ride with him?"

Kendall looked at James, and James stared at Logan. Logan just stared back at Kendall. They had a little argument without meeting each other's eyes, and Kendall finally stood up to go.

None of them had been paying any attention to what was happening to Carlos these days, so Kendall thought it was useless to even go to the hospital with Carlos. But the unspoken conversation had decided for them to go anyways.

Kendall peeked out from the back window as the ambulance drove away. He could see James and Logan starting for the car to follow them. Kendall didn't want to look at Carlos. His hands still felt sticky with blood.

Kendall didn't know what to think, and he hadn't even said anything the whole ride there. Before he knew it, he was in front of a hospital labeled "Emergency Room" Kendall followed the paramedics out, watching them wheel Carlos away.

He stood outside until James and Logan finally arrived, grumbling about traffic, even though it was only 11 in the morning.

The walk to the front desk seemed endless and silent. Kendall wanted to say something, and he could tell the others did, too. But they didn't what to say. Carlos was in the hospital. They had no clue what the heck happened to him. What else was there to it?

"Carlos Garcia?" Kendall hadn't said that name in so long, he'd almost forgotten how it felt on his tongue. Carlos Garcia. Carlos Garcia.

The nurse typed into her computer. "He's in the ER. Room 743. You can watch through the window, but please don't go in. He's in critical condition."

Kendall nodded at her, walking in search of their destination. He found it in no time. He peeked in, and saw paramedics and doctors and other people bustling around, shouting and making noise. Kendall couldn't make out one thing they were dong.

He sighed, walking away and plopping onto a scrawny chair. James and Logan sat down next to him. Kendall sighed again, putting his head in his hands.

"Kendall… what happened?" James asked softly, his eyes vacant.

"I… I came out and saw him lying there. I don't know what happened. Someone could've beaten him up or something…" Kendall said quietly.

They'd heard so many stories of "that loser named Carlos." They knew it was their old friend Carlos… but they didn't do anything about it. They'd just went along with their lives… and Kendall didn't know how he felt about that.

Kendall might've fell asleep. He might've watched the cartons playing on TV. He might've talked to James or Logan. But all he knew was that after a few… minutes? Hours? Days? A doctor came out and they stood up.

"Family of Carlos Garcia?" He asked, his face looking tired and sad.

"Friends." Kendall said bluntly. He didn't even know if that was the right label anymore.

"Carlos Garcia has five cracked ribs, one broken leg, two broken arms, and a major concussion. He also shattered both his shoulders, and cracked his eardrums. I'm sorry boys, but he may be deaf." The doctor watched them sympathetically.

Kendall thanked the doctor and told him to leave them alone for awhile, his vision blurred, not by tears, but by dizziness. All this had happened so fast, he was still processing what had happened.

"Oh, this bad… this is really bad. Mrs. Knight is gonna _kill_ us for letting this happen to Carlos…" Logan mumbled to himself. "He's _deaf_, he's freaking _deaf_. Forever. He's not getting better. And it'll take a seriously long time for all his injuries to heal…"

James cleared his throat. "Logan… please stop. We know. But no one could've beat him up this bad, right? I mean, bullies don't go around _cracking_ people's… eardrums, right?" It still scared all them to talk about what had happened to Carlos. Sure, they didn't really enjoy Carlos that much right now, but he didn't deserve all that pain.

So, what had happened to him? What? No one seemed to know.

When the doctor came back around, Kendall stood up and approached him. "Um, doctor, sir, um, d-do you know what happened to him?"

The doctor looked up. "We're considering an amount of possibilities, but he can't be sure of anything yet."

"Um, alright, thanks. Thank you, doctor." Kendall went back to his friends, telling them that the doctor didn't know.

The three sat there, not talking or looking at each other.

Kendall didn't know what to think… he was scared for Carlos, and confused. _What _happened to Carlos? Had he gotten beat up? Did he accidentally fall? Kendall wanted to feel guilty… but he wasn't there yet.

James was angry and guilty. Carlos had taken him away from one of his favorite places, school. Well, not the learning part… the other parts. But now he had to stay in this sweaty and stinky hospital room. But then he felt so guilty for ever thinking that… but he still thought it.

Logan understood clearly that Carlos was seriously close to being _dead_. His injuries sounded really painful and really hard to heal. It'd be a long time before they saw his eyes open…

Then, it hit them at the same time.

They might _never_ see his eyes open again.

**A/N- So… how'd you like it? Still can't tell you if he's gonna live or not. Keep you all in suspense. Please review?**

**And please vote in my poll for my next story. Please? ;)**

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	20. Unfamiliar

_**Chapter 20**_

"Mom, _please_ stop freaking out. He's fine, he's going to be _fine_," Kendall said to his mom, sighing exaggeratingly. He'd called his mother ten minutes ago, and she hadn't stopped freaking out since then.

"Kendall Donald Knight, don't you tell me to stop worrying over my little baby. How could you be so irresponsible, Kendall?" His mom asked firmly.

Kendall was pissed off. How could his mother possibly blame _him_ for this? He wasn't Carlos's big brother, he wasn't Carlos's bodyguard, he wasn't supposed to protect Carlos and watch him like a hawk. This wasn't his fault.

"If you're going to blame me for this, I'm going to hang up," Kendall said angrily, flipping his phone shut. He sat down, putting his head in his hands. Why had everything gotten so messed up?

He was just having a great day at school, and now here he was in the hospital, his mother yelling at him for being stupid. If anything, this was _Carlos's _fault. He wasn't able to protect himself, he wasn't able to… But then Kendall shook his head.

_Of course_ Carlos couldn't protect himself. He was the shortest kid ever, and he was quickly becoming the wimpiest one, too. But he should've told someone if he was getting bullied and beaten up. Someone could've helped him. Heck, _Kendall_ might've even considered helping Carlos if someone was hurting him.

He looked up when he heard someone sitting down beside him. It was James, who was soon joined by Logan. "So, what'd your mom say?" James asked, like it was just some usual conversation.

"She said this was my fault. Which is probably the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life," Kendall said quietly, the anger inside of him shimmering down a little now that he had told someone.

"_Your_ fault? Are you serious? How could this be _your_ fault?" James said, scoffing. Kendall suddenly noticed that he hadn't spoken with James for _days_ now. And for some reason, he hadn't really wanted to.

"Yeah, if anything, it was Carlos's fault." Logan added.

"That's what I was thinking… but what bully could beat him up that badly?" Kendall wondered aloud.

"Maybe something else happened to him," James suggested. "Maybe he got hit by a car or something?" He guessed.

"That's unlikely, but still possible." Logan agreed.

"Well, whatever happened to him, it's none of our business, right? I mean, we're not in charge of him." Kendall said firmly.

"I… I don't know, Kendall. I mean, Carlos is, well, _was_, our friend. Now he's kinda drifting away. But it's still kinda our business to know what's happening to our fellow bandmate, right?" James told them.

"I guess… " Logan said uncomfortably. "I guess maybe kinda we should've cared about him a little more…"

Kendall was about to retort when the doctor came out of Carlos's room. "Boy's you can go in and see him now. He's not awake, but he may be able to hear you if you speak to him."

The three boys quickly opened the door, entering. Carlos looked like a mummy. Both his arms were in a cast, and one of his legs was wrapped in white stuff and being propped up by a sling or something. He had a neck brace on, and his face was bruised and scratched.

A bunch of tubes were attached to him, too. There were lots near his chest and stomach, connecting to some machine in the corner. Blood pumped into him from another tube.

The sight was… terrifying. The boys stared and stared, not moving or speaking until someone crashed into the room behind them.

It was Mrs. Knight and Katie. They stopped short when they saw Carlos, their eyes wide and shocked.

It was Mrs. Knight who broke from her daze. "Oh, my poor little sweetheart… why did this have to happen to _you_?" She said, her eyes teary.

"Oh, so no 'hi' for us?" Kendall snapped angrily. His mother seemed to care more for Carlos. That wasn't fair… it was completely stupid and immature of his mother.

Mrs. Knight smiled. "I love you all, but Carlos has been through a really hard time." She answered, ruffling Carlos's black hair, which still had dried blood in it.

"What do you mean, he's been having a hard time?" James asked curiously.

"Don't you guys know? We just found out Carlos has dyslexia." Mrs. Knight told them gently.

"Wait, _what_?" James said. "He has _what?_"

"Dyslexia. It makes it hard for people to read. The letters get jumbled up for them." Logan explained. Now he felt so guilty for making fun of Carlos's reading skills. Why didn't Carlos tell them he was suffering from dyslexia?

Deep in his heart, Logan knew why. They'd been treating Carlos a bit more harshly lately, and he'd been scared to tell them. He'd been scared they'd make fun of him… but they still did make fun of him nonetheless.

But Logan didn't want to admit that to himself, so he just stuck with the fact that Carlos was embarrassed about it.

"I… none of us knew, mom," Kendall said, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Oh, I thought he'd tell all of you, since you're his best friends." Mrs. Knight answered quietly.

Were they really Carlos's best friends anymore? Kendall doubted it. They didn't like Carlos anymore, and obviously, Carlos didn't like them anymore, either. They hadn't talked to each other in a _long_ time. Kendall couldn't even remember their last friendly conversation. But his mom didn't know that. And he didn't want his mom to know that.

"Well, maybe he was embarrassed about it or something?" Logan suggested, the statement coming out more as a question.

"Yeah, that's probably it. I guess I might have been, too, if that were me," James agreed, nodding his head. Mrs. Knight looked at all of them, sighing.

"Alright, boys, I believe you, but this all still seems a little weird. I mean, why wouldn't Carlos tell you guys? He knew you'd all understand…" she trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

Kendall looked down guiltily. What if Carlos thought they _wouldn't _understand? That they'd just laugh in his face and leave? They _were_ starting to drift apart, after all…

No. No. That couldn't be it. Carlos still trusted them, right? And they still cared about him, right? Kendall felt so… horrible when he couldn't answer "yes' to that question.

James stepped forward towards Carlos's bed. "Hey, Carlos… how ya doing?" He almost smacked himself for asking such a stupid question. For some reason, he felt like Gustavo when he praised his "dogs." He felt awkward, and this whole encounter felt… unfamiliar to him.

"We… we h-hope you wake up soon," Logan added with a small voice, hesitantly putting his hand on Carlos's broken arm. He felt as if Carlos was just going to open his eyes right then and start wailing in pain, but he didn't. His brown eyes were still shut, and only his chest moved, up and down, up and down…

Kendall sighed, putting his arm around Logan comfortingly. "Carlos, _please_ wake up soon. We're all worried about you." _And confused._ None of them still had any idea what the heck had happened to their band mate.

And looking at Carlos's injuries, Kendall didn't think he _wanted_ to know what happened to Carlos.

**A/N- That seemed like a really sucky chapter… and it took me so long to write…. Well, I'm really sorry for that, let's hope the next chapter will be better. ;)**

**And yes, they seem like huge jerks. And in this story, they are. They still don't know what happened to Carlos. And they haven't even come close to guessing yet. They're stupid. **

**Anyways, please review and tell me how I can improve. Please? Summer's in four days, so I'll be able to update sooner! **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	21. Paul Morris

_**Chapter 21**_

Doctor Morris stared down at his patient. Carlos Garcia. Only 17 years old. A senior in high school. That had been all he'd figured out from his birth records.

None of the doctors seemed to agree about what had happened to this poor boy. Some thought the harm had been done by someone else, some thought he'd been hit by a bus or a car or something, others thought an animal attacked him…

But Dr. Morris thought differently. He hadn't stated his opinion yet, but after asking his so called friends, who didn't seem to know that much about him, he learned that Carlos had dyslexia. He also was told from the school that Carlos didn't talk much, didn't have any friends, and was often teased at school.

Dr. Morris thought that last thing could've been an understatement. If Carlos was really facing all these problems at school and with his brain, then... what if it made him depressed? What if… but Dr. Morris couldn't know for sure.

But then, he found the scrap of evidence that further proved his suspicions and made him sure of his doubts. He took Carlos's phone from the unconscious boy's pocket, and scrolled through his recent voice mails and his Twitter account. Police had always told him that was where they found lots of their evidence.

He found a group on Twitter formed just so they could hate on Carlos. The mean comments on that page almost made Dr. Morris himself feel offended.

He then listened to one of the voicemails. Someone who said he was Carlos's father was yelling at Carlos in the phone. And then he heard the one where his mother announced that she and her husband were breaking up.

But how come Carlos never told anyone? Did he think there was no one left to trust? Or was there _truly _no one left in his life for him to trust? Dr. Morris sighed and put the phone back in a safe place in his office. It wasn't his business. He'd already found out too much. He shouldn't have been digging into people's private things.

After much though, Dr. Morris decided not to tell Carlos's friends about his findings, unless Carlos… didn't make it. But if Carlos did make it, he'd tell his friends when he felt comfortable. If it were Dr. Morris, he'd be a little mad at whoever told his friends his biggest secrets.

Dr. Paul Morris graduated from medical school a few months ago. He was still new to his job, and he was always curious about his patients. But because he was still so inexperienced, doctors didn't listen to his opinions and ideas often. And he didn't mind that… unless he was right and they were wrong about something.

And he was pretty sure he was right about Carlos's case. But would anyone pay attention to what he had to say? Of course, the ladies always listened to him, due to his big blue eyes and his ruffled blond hair. He could win anyone over with his looks, but that wasn't his job at the hospital. Paul had never flirted with anyone when he was working. Ever. It just didn't feel… right.

Paul Morris shook his head and walked out into the waiting room. It had been a week since he'd received his first patient to take care of: Carlos Garcia. His friends came every day, but still, Carlos never woke.

Unsurprisingly, his three friends were waiting outside today, too. They looked worried, confused, restless… just like a week ago. Nothing had changed.

Dr. Morris sighed. He just really wished Carlos would wake up… his friends looked like they would actually _die_ if he didn't. It appeared to Paul that they were really close… but something separated them. He'd been through something similar before, so he knew what that situation looked like.

But Paul didn't want to ask about it, in fear that they'd get mad at him. There were three of them, and one of him. Not to mention that two of them were inches taller than he was. This was _not_ a group to anger.

The three boys looked up when they heard footsteps. They watched as the doctor… they didn't really know his name… walked up to them. Honestly, they didn't trust him as much as the others, because he looked really young and inexperienced.

"Hi, boys... Carlos is still the same. I'm sorry."

Kendall sighed, standing up. "Don't be. You're doing a good job. But have you guys figured out what happened to him?"

The doctor seemed to hesitate before answering. "We still have different opinions. But no solid p-proof yet." He said quietly. Kendall couldn't tell he was lying.

"Please. We really need to know." Logan begged him, also detecting the lie in the doctor's voice.

The doctor sighed. "I'm sorry, but if Carlos wakes up, I respect him enough for him to tell you guys what happened to him. It's not my place to tell you."

James stood up quickly, about to lash out at the doctor, but Kendall reached out to stop him. "He's… he's right. I wanna know from Carlos was happened to him. Not a bunch of doctors." The doctor looked relieved when James reluctantly agreed, soon followed by Logan.

"I'm really sorry, boys… but if it helps, the doctors predict Carlos is going to regain consciousness in about a week, or even less." The doctor announced. The three boys looked a little more hopeful at that.

"Thanks, doctor…" Kendall trailed off, glancing at the doctor questioningly.

"Doctor Morris." The doctor confirmed.

Kendall nodded. "Thanks, Doctor Morris."

When the doctor left, Logan yawned. "What if he _doesn't_ wake up?" He asked.

No one had an answer to his question.

_Line line line _

Everything was dark. He couldn't see anything. He tried opening his eyes, but he just… couldn't. Everything hurt like burning fire, and everything ached.

All Carlos saw, heard, smelled, and tasted was black, black, black, black. He couldn't even think properly with all the darkness swimming inside his head.

Whenever he formed a coherent thought, it was broken apart by his pain and his dizziness and the dark, dark, darkness…

What…? Why…? How…? Carlos couldn't form anything in his head. He felt a sharp pain in his head, and he quickly faded back into complete unconsciousness.

**A/N- Hey guys! Summer's here! But I'm gonna miss my middle school friend. I graduated 8th grade Wednesday! YAYAYAYAY! ;)**

**But please review and tell me what you think of this short crappy chapter. And the new doctor guy… though I don't think he'll be a major character. ;) Thank you for all the support! It keeps me going! **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	22. Waking Up

_**Chapter 22**_

It had been a month since Carlos was found beaten and bleeding on the ground. He still hadn't woken up.

Every day was the same for James, Kendall, and Logan. They woke up and decided if they wanted to go to school. If they wanted to (which was about 60 percent of the time; none of them wanted to feel the pain of seeing Carlos lying there, almost dead...), then they'd go, but if they didn't want to, they drove to the hospital to visit Carlos. Carlos's wounds were healing, and the boys were happy to see that his right arm had healed.

People in school started talking about Carlos and what happened to him. Carlos was now the main subject to talk about in school, and even the teachers seemed interested to hear about Carlos's progress in the hospital. But still, no one really saw Carlos when… when Carlos got hurt. No one knew what had happened.

The boys asked every single day, every single visit, that is, what Dr. Morris had found out about Carlos that day three weeks ago. But the doctor refused to tell, and the other higher up doctors just scoffed and said what Dr. Morris thought was probably a bunch of nonsense. But they boys didn't think so.

Dr. Morris was closest in age to them. He understood teenagers more than those old folks who called themselves doctors. Why didn't they just listen to… _everyone_ who had an idea instead of thinking they were always right?

James wasn't expecting the news when the phone started ringing loudly at 5 am in the morning. Kendall and Logan snored in response to the ringing, so James reluctantly got up and groggily walked into the kitchen counter, where the phone was.

It was worth it.

"Hello?" James muttered into the phone tiredly.

"Is this the household of Carlos Garcia?" James's eyes shot wide open when he heard the name of his friend. Was Carlos… _dead_?

"Um, yeah…" James answered hesitantly.

"Carlos Garcia just woke up from his coma. He's still a little weak, but we think it's alright for you guys to come and see him." James couldn't stop the grin from coming onto his face. Carlos was _alive._ He'd never been happier.

After thanking the doctor profusely, James woke Kendall, Logan, Katie, and Mrs. Knight. Everyone seemed to be super happy during the car ride there. Carlos was awake. Weak, but still alive.

Even though they all knew that Carlos had been hurt badly, they still weren't prepared for the sight that greeted them. Carlos was sitting up in bed, his left arm in a cast and both his legs in casts. And his face was still as scratched up as it'd ever been, but somehow, him being awake made the injuries look a lot worse.

"Carlos… you're awake." Logan breathed out, still in shock. The doctors it'd only take him a week or two to wake. But it had already been a whole _month_, and Logan had started giving up hope. But here Carlos was, awake and alive.

"Carlos… I'm so happy you're alive." Kendall whispered, wincing at how horrible that statement sounded.

James just walked up to Carlos's bed and reached out to hold his friend's hand. Carlos flinched away from James at first, though, but then hesitantly let James hold his small little hand.

James was confused. If anything, it looked as if Carlos were… _scared_ of them.

James almost hit himself for being so stupid as the sudden realization hit him. Why _wouldn't_ Carlos be scared of them? James remembered calling him horrible names, hitting him… Carlos was right to fear them. James quickly yet gently let go of Carlos's hand, stepping back, his heart pounding with guilt.

"Carlos, what happened? How'd you get _this_ hurt?" Mrs. Knight asked softly, her eyes concerned and worried.

Carlos just stared back at them with his brown eyes, refusing to answer. He hadn't even made a sound since he woke up, according to the doctors. If it were James, he'd be bursting with words after being stuck in a coma for a month.

"Carlos, you know you can tell us, right?" James said softly, smiling. Carlos just looked down, playing with the string hanging loose from his arm cast. He didn't look up until Kendall broke the silence.

"Did someone hurt you? Cuz if they did, I'll hurt them real bad for you," he told Carlos, pounding his fist on the side of Carlos's hospital bed. Carlos looked up at this, but then his eyes took on a faraway look and he stared back down at the ground again.

"_Did someone hurt you_, Carlos?" Kendall said, his voice demanding yet gentle. Carlos stared straight into Kendall's eyes, shaking his head.

"No? No one hurt ya?" Kendall asked. Still, Carlos shook his head. Kendall furrowed his eyebrows. Was that a yes or a no?"

"Did someone do this to you or not, Carlos?" Logan said, confusing by Carlos's consistent shaking of the head. Carlos stared up at them with scared eyes.

Suddenly, Katie gasped. She hadn't spoken up since she entered the hospital. "Remember the doctors said h-he… Carlos can't hear you, guys," she said grimly, her eyes filling with tears. Kendall sat down and wrapped an arm around her.

"Darn, I forgot about that," Logan muttered. "We've gotta get the doctors." He said. As if on cue, three doctors entered the room, carrying something in their gloved hands. James couldn't tell what it was.

"Hello, boys, we forgot to tell you. Mr. Garcia probably can't hear anything you're saying right now, so we're here to fix that." The doctor quickly attached the thing to Carlos's ears. James finally realized that it was a hearing aid. The ones people used when they were… deaf.

Carlos was deaf. He could never hear again. And suddenly, James wanted to kill whoever hurt Carlos. He wanted to kill himself, too, actually, because he _knew_ for a fact that he was a part of the reason why this happened to Carlos. Him, Kendall, Logan… all of them were part of it. They were all to blame.

And James hated himself for that.

The doctor turned towards them. "He'll have to keep these on all the time, except when he goes to bed. We have a case for it and everything, so you don't have to worry about that. There's a little switch on the aid that you can turn on low or high." The doctor gestured to the little switch on the side of the aid.

"Carlos, honey, if you wanna turn it on low, then you can't hear as much, alright? But if you turn it on too high… you'll hear a little _too_ much." The doctor said, smiling at Carlos. Carlos nodded, the smallest hint of a smile on his face.

Logan quickly thanked the doctor, and they left the room. Kendall took a deep breath, and continued his questioning. This time Carlos could hear him. "Carlos, I'm so glad you're awake."

"Yeah, we've missed you so much." James added.

"We're never going to leave you again, alright?" Logan told Carlos, his face scrunched up.

"What happened, Carlos?" Kendall asked after a few minutes of silence. "Did someone do this to you, Carlos?"

Carlos looked at Kendall. He just kept on looking and looking. It was actually a little unnerving. Kendall glanced at Logan and then James, confused. Why wouldn't Carlos talk to them?

Because he was scared of them. James knew that for sure. Carlos didn't want them to hurt him again. James was again filled with guilt. Him and Kendall and Logan caused this, didn't they? Looking around, he found that Kendall and Logan looked like they felt the guilt, too.

"Carlos, please talk to us. We won't hurt you," Kendall said soothingly. Carlos just stared back at them silently, not saying anything. His face looked so hurt, so betrayed, so scared, so desperate.

After another few minutes of the unnerving silence, Mrs. Knight sighed and stood up. "Alright, boys, we should leave Carlos alone for a while." The boys started to follow Katie out. It was obvious Carlos wouldn't be saying anything anytime soon.

But when they turned to say good bye to Carlos, they saw his hand shakily reach out until it brushed against Mrs. Knight's arm. The woman turned and smiled at Carlos. Carlos just stared up at her with his huge eyes.

Mrs. Knight seemed to know what he was saying, and she bent down to kiss Carlos softly on a part of his face that wasn't scratched up. "I love you, honey. See you soon, alright?"

They barely saw Carlos's small nod.

**A/.N- So… he's alive. But it took a month. I'm not good at writing about people suffering when their friend's in a coma… so I didn't spend too much time on that. Sorry if I disappointed anyone with that…**

**But don't you feel bad for him cuz he needs a hearing aid… and because his friends have no clue what the heck happened to him? And isn't that question a little stupid? "Did someone hurt you?" Duh. You did, Kendall. You and Logan and James. And Simon and Jason and Mr. Garcia and- shall I go on?**

**Anyways, please review, and I'll try to update soon! **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	23. Something's Wrong

_**Chapter 23**_

Two days later, the boys woke up so early it was still dark outside. They didn't bother glancing at the clock to see what time it is. They just woke up, took a shower, got changed, and ate a simple breakfast. Like they had done for the past two days.

Once Mrs. Knight and Katie were up, they were off to the hospital.

None of them could still believe what Carlos was like now. He was silent all the time and the guys hadn't heard a single noise come out of him yet. And he looked so _scared_ last time. Carlos obviously wasn't himself. And the boys didn't know when he _would_ go back to being himself.

The hoped it was soon. They _really_ hoped it was soon. But somehow, they knew in the back of their minds that it would be a long time before their wishes came true.

Whatever happened to Carlos, it had scarred him big time. Heck, he needed _hearing aids_ now. But more than that, he seemed to be scared of every single noise, every single person. Whenever one of them touched him, he flinched back squeezed his eyes shut.

When he opened them again, he looked cautious and so scared. He reacted a little better when it was Mrs. Knight or Katie touching him, but he still flinched whenever they touched him.

The doctors came in every hour to check on Carlos, to give him water and food and ask him if he needed anything. Carlos always shook his head. And he never even seemed to touch his food. Just a little bite of bread and a cup of water. That was it. No one could tell if it was because hospital food just wasn't so good, or if it was something more.

Today was the same as all the other times. They came in, talked to Carlos, told him funny stories, and hoped for a reaction. Sometimes he'd crack the smallest of smiles, and sometimes he'd frown. But he still never spoke a word.

The doctors said they'd wait another few days before they let Carlos out of the hospital. Since he'd been in a coma for so long, his right arm had already healed, and his left was almost better. His legs, though, would still take a few months to heal, so the doctors said Carlos should be on a wheel chair at all times once he left the hospital.

But that was the thing. What happened after Carlos left the hospital? Would he still go back to school again? If so, how long should he wait until he went back into the building?

And still, that big question: "What happened to Carlos?"

It had been bothering everyone lately, but still, Dr. Morris refused to say anything. He could actually be even _more_ stubborn than Kendall. And that was saying a lot.

Kendall, James, and Logan tried to coax Carlos into telling them what happened to him. But the second they mentioned the topic, Carlos would look away and blink back the huge tears forming in his eyes. The boys never pushed it afterwards.

After the numerous attempts every visit to get Carlos to spill, the boys had given up even trying. They just walked in, sat down, and told Carlos about the times when they were little. They could see that Carlos's brown eyes were locked on whoever was talking, but he'd look away whenever one of them looked back into his eyes.

They told him about pee-wee hockey, Prank Day, coming to LA. Everything they could think of. But when they mentioned Carlos's parents, Carlos's eyes widened and he let out something that sounded like a sob.

Mrs. Knight had tried calling Mr. and Mrs. Garcia many times to inform them about Carlos's… accident, but their phone number had been disconnected. It didn't exist anymore. They were all super confused, and worried, too. But Mrs. Knight just brushed it off, saying that maybe they went on vacation and disconnected their cell phones and home phone.

It didn't seem likely or make any sense, but there was no other explanation. So everyone just let it go and forgot about it.

Before any of them knew it, tears were streaming out of Carlos's eyes, down his face, snapping them out of their peace.

Kendall stood up quickly. "What wrong, Carlos? What's wrong?"

"Don't you wanna see your mom and dad again?" Logan asked cautiously. Carlos sobbed even harder, shaking his head furiously. It was the first sound they'd heard from Carlos since he'd woken up. And it wasn't a good sound, either.

"Carlos, Carlos, do you not wanna talk about them?" James suggested softly. Carlos wiped his eyes and nodded. The three boys glanced at each other, and Mrs. Knight and Katie rubbed Carlos's shoulders comfortingly. He didn't even seem to notice their touches.

"Alright, let's talk about that time you put a frog in Mr. Smith's lunch, alright? Is that okay?" Kendall asked gently. After a couple more sniffles, Carlos nodded. Kendall started talking again, trying not to think too much about what just happened.

When it was time to leave again, none of them wanted to. They wanted to stay here and ask Carlos a million questions. But it wasn't time yet. They just had to wait until tomorrow.

On the ride home, Logan spoke up, breaking the silence. "Why did Carlos not want to talk about his parents?" He asked, looking down at the ground.

After a long moment of silence, Katie suggested, "Maybe he misses them too much?" But no one believed it.

"Speaking of them, we haven't given any of our parents a call yet, have we?" James asked, receiving a couple of "no's" form the others.

"Maybe we can ask them about Carlos's parents." Kendall said.

"How do you know something's wrong? What if… what if…" Logan trailed off, not able to finish his sentence. There wasn't really any other explanation for Carlos's crying _except_ that something was wrong between him and his parents.

The car was silent again, but no one could erase the memory of earlier. Carlos had cried so hard, and his sobs were so heartbreaking. They all knew something had to be wrong. Something was _really_ wrong.

But what could be wrong? Carlos's parents were very happy together, they'd been married for decades, and they loved Carlos with all their heart. What could go wrong with such a happy family? None of them could come up with anything.

For the rest of the night, all was silent. No one laughed, smiled, joked around, or even ate anything. For some reason, they all felt so worried that it felt like they were sick with the stomach flu or something.

Something was seriously wrong.

**A/N- So, obviously, something's wrong. But what could it be? We all know, so I guess that was a rhetorical question… ;)**

**How wrong they are, how horrible they are for not even knowing about the divorce or calling their own parents? Kendall, James, and Logan are not good kids in this story, are they? ;) But they are in real life, so don't get mislead.**

**Anyways, review if you can. Sorry this chapter was short… well, all of them are short, but this one's shortER, if you know what I mean… **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	24. Epiphanies

_**Chapter 24**_

"Why can't the call get through?" Kendall groaned, obviously frustrated. He'd called Carlos's dad four times, his mom five times, and his home phone 7 times.

"How bout this. I'll call my mom and ask her. After all, she does live close to Carlos's family." Logan suggested quietly.

Kendall nodded and sighed. "Fine, might as well give it a shot. Logan took the phone and dialed his mom's cell. His mom picked up after 2 rings.

"Honey? Is that you?"

"Yeah, mom, it's Logan."

"Hi, Logie Bear! How are you doing?" Logan blushed when Kendall and James started snickering.

"I'm fine, mom. Do you happen to know where Carlos's parents are these days? We called them but their numbers don't seem to exist." Logan said, worry and anxiety in his voice.

Logan's heart dropped when he heard his mom sigh. She knew something. "Logan, honey, you don't know?"

"Know about what?" Logan asked, the three boys already starting to panic.

"Carlos never told you guys?" Mrs. Mitchell asked softly.

"No! He never told us anything! But now he got in an accident and he's in the hospital and we don't know why his parents won't-"

He heard his mom gasp. "Carlos is in the hospital? Why? How? Logan, why didn't you call me earlier?"

"I'm sorry… it's just that all the pressure was getting to me…" Logan whispered, almost inaudibly.

"No, I'm sorry, Logan. I'm sorry for snapping. But are you _sure_ Carlos didn't tell you?" She asked again. Logan was starting to get scared. What was it Carlos didn't tell them?

"No, he didn't say a word about his parents. Mom, what happened?" Logan was afraid to hear the answer.

"Logan, honey, this might be hard to hear, but… Carlos, that poor little sweetheart, his parents got a divorce about a month ago."

All was quiet. Kendall and James, who were leaning in to eavesdrop on Logan and his mom's conversation, fell back with shock. All of them just sat there staring at the phone in Logan's hands.

Finally, after minutes of nothing, Logan broke the silence. "Alright, thanks mom. I'll see you later, alright?"

"Alright, tell Carlos to stay strong, alright? Give him all my love, alright? I love you, Logie." Then she hung up, and Logan was left listening to the horrible beeping of the phone. He didn't even care that his mom wanted to give _all_ his love to Carlos, and none to him.

All he cared about was that Carlos had kept a horrible secret from them. His parents had a divorce, and he didn't say a thing about it. Logan couldn't even imagine how hard it must've been. And Carlos had no one there with him to hold him through.

"I can't believe he didn't tell us…" Kendall breathed out, obviously still in shock.

"I feel so bad for him. I can't even _imagine_ how painful that must be." Logan said, speaking his thoughts.

"But why wouldn't he tell us?" Kendall repeated. "Why wouldn't he-"

Kendall and Logan jumped when James started shouting. "You wanna know why? Why he didn't tell us? Cuz he was scared of us! We aren't his friends anymore, why can't you guys just see that?" Kendall and Logan didn't know what to say.

"Do you know how horrible we've been to him the past few weeks? We've called him horrible names, we've hurt him physically and emotionally, and who _knows_ what he goes through at school and with his family?" James continued, panting.

"James, what are you talking about?" Kendall finally asked, though he already knew the answer.

"What am _I_ talking about? I'm talking about the fact that we've been hurting Carlos so bad that he probably didn't trust us to be there for him anymore! We've been treating him like _dirt,_ Kendall! He doesn't consider us his friends anymore! We're _bullies!_ That's what he think of us!" James shouted, frustrated tears coming into his eyes.

He'd done a lot of thinking for the past few days since Carlos had woken up. He thought of all the times they made fun of him, like that time he was going out on a date, the day in History class… all of that. When they should've been happy or worried for him, they constantly kept on hurting him with their words and actions.

The Carlos that James had known before would've come crying to them the moment he knew about the divorce. But then again, the James that Carlos probably knew before would've not called him names. Or hit him.

They've all changed the past months. James, Kendall, and Logan for the worse, and Carlos… who knew what Carlos had become? He could've become a vampire, and they wouldn't have known.

They hadn't paid enough attention to their best buddy. Well, their _former_ best buddy. Who knows if Carlos still considered them a friend anymore after all they'd done to him?

Kendall and Logan looked at James. "James… I don't know what to say," Kendall finally said. James just shook his head, not saying a word.

"You know, maybe you're right." Logan admitted, his eyes filling with shame and guilt. "Maybe we _were_ being really mean to him"

James scoffed. "_Maybe?_ We _definitely _were."

Logan flinched back, eyes cast on the ground. Kendall didn't look like he knew what to say, either. "James, buddy, I'm sorry… you're right. Carlos deserves our apology." The blonde boys finally whispered, staring right into James's eyes.

James sighed, turning away. "Yeah, I know. But now Carlos won't even talk to us… how do you know he's ever gonna be the same?" His voice cracked. He felt like the only one who knew the extent of Carlos's mental injuries. He had been hurt beyond belief by his so called friends. Who knew what that would do to him?

"All we can do is hope, man. And try to get him better. Treat him the way we used to. Protect him, love him, care about him more than anything else…" Kendall explained, staring into James's and Logan's confused faces. Kendall knew, even though the others didn't, that they had to give up everything; their new friends, their new hobbies, just so they could get Carlos back to normal.

"Yeah. We got too caught up in this new school, these new people… and-and-and…" Logan trailed off, looking away again.

Kendall shifter his position and wrapped his arm around Logan. "And what, buddy?"

"I've been th-thinking…" Logan started, twiddling with his fingers, "that since we all know Carlos didn't have that m-many friends… maybe he got depressed or something because people were h-hurting him. Like bullying, you know?"

"Yeah, so what are you trying to say?" James asked slowly.

"Just that… maybe his accident… was intentional and caused by his trauma and mental setbacks." Logan said quietly.

"What? I didn't understand 75 percent of the words you just said." James replied, Kendall nodding in agreement.

Logan looked into their eyes. How could they not get it? What if the accident _wasn't _an accident? Maybe… Logan didn't want to say it out loud or even _think _it. It couldn't be true. It couldn't. "Never mind…"

The three boys fell silent, each one wading through the floods in their brains. Trying to decipher what was real and what wasn't. Trying to understand what the other two were trying to say.

But they weren't getting anywhere.

**A/N- Yeah, this chapter was a little confusing… I'm sorry. **

**But now the boys have their own epiphanies (sudden realizations). Kendall knows they have to give up their friends and stuff to help Carlos, James knows they were seriously stupid and pathetic the way they treated Carlos, and Logan knows the big bomb. Carlos might've done this to himself. Too bad they can't all just talk and connect the dots, huh? ;)**

**Please review this chapter, and as always,**

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	25. Maybe

_**Chapter 25**_

Carlos watched as Kendall, James, and Logan sat next to each other, not speaking a word. He wondered what was up with their sudden silence. What were they thinking about? Him? Something else? If they were thinking of him, what was it about him they were thinking about?

After ten minutes of complete silence, the boys seemed to notice Carlos staring at them, and tried to force smiles onto their grim faces. But Carlos could see right through them. They were hiding something. From him, and from each other. After all he'd been through, Carlos was getting good at reading people, since he'd experienced almost every single emotion related to pain.

"Hey, Carlos! How ya doing?" James grinned, faking cheerfulness. Carlos shrugged. He hadn't spoken a word since he opened his eyes from his coma, and Carlos wanted it to stay that way. He couldn't trust anyone to say anything to them. He was scared that if he said something bad, his friends would leave him. Again.

It was stupid of him, but he was seriously scared of talking to anyone, especially his friends. He was afraid of what could happen if he did.

"Guess what? Bitters prepared this basket full of Fruit Smackers just for you. You know, like a welcome gift?" Kendall announced, looking amused.

"Who knew Bitters could be so… not bitter?" Logan added.

Carlos tried to smile the best he could. It probably came out like a grimace or something, though. Did his friends really not know what was wrong with him? Did they really not know what happened to him? Every time, his friends would get all quiet and ask him what happened. How could they not know?

"Anyways, Carlos, do you wanna tell us anything about this place? Are the nurses hot?" James asked enthusiastically, even though he and the other boys knew Carlos wasn't going to answer him.

Carlos shrugged, his answer to almost every single question now. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

"Carlitos, the doctors said you can come home in a few days! Aren't you excited to go back home and see all your friends?" Kendall asked him, raising his bushy eyebrows.

Carlos shrugged, looking down. Friends. The word seemed to foreign to him. He hadn't had a friend since… since everything happened. Who knew if the Palm Woods residents still cared about him? When he searched through his mind, all he could see were people who betrayed him, hurt him, and didn't care about him. There wasn't one ounce of love in his memories. Except maybe Mrs. Knight and Katie, who still cared about him, even when he'd been keeping so much from them. Maybe.

"We're gonna have a party just for you!" Logan told him, hoping to get Carlos happy again. "It's gonna be awesome! We even got your favorite food. Corndogs!"

Carlos _did_ smile this time. A party? Just for him? Maybe people still cared about him after all…

But then his heart dropped. This was only because he was in the hospital. People felt bad for him only because he got hurt. No one cared… they just felt bad for him. It took Carlos jumping off the roof for people to start paying him any attention. Before, no one even came to ask if he was okay. No one even said "hello" to him. And now they were having a party for him?

It seemed unbelievable, but Carlos believed it all the same. A party. Just for him. He didn't care if it was because he was hurt… the fact that people were happy he was coming back made him the happiest person ever.

"Aren't you excited?" Carlos looked up, not knowing who said that. But slowly, nodded his head. Up and down. Up and down.

The boys were shocked; Carlos's answer to questions was _always_ a shrug. Never a shake of the head. Never a nod.

They quickly got over the shock of Carlos's nod, and started talking to him about how much people at the Palm Woods missed him. It made Carlos feel so loved after hearing about who still cared about him. Who still loved him.

He should've gone to get help from the Palm Woods people. Why hadn't he? Maybe he didn't want to look like a wimp. Maybe he just… maybe he just couldn't trust them to actually care. Maybe… well, those were probably the only reasons.

But if he had gotten help… this wouldn't have happened, would it? The cutting, the jumping off the building scene, the not talking for weeks… everything. Would his friends have changed and loved him again? Maybe… maybe not.

Maybe, maybe, maybe. Carlos's life was full of that word. Maybe. Maybe they still would've cared if he'd talked to them about it… maybe he wouldn't have felt depressed if he tried to make friends…

But maybe his friends wouldn't have cared a bit if Carlos told them what was happening at school. Maybe no one wanted to be his friend… maybe Carlos had to jump in order for people to open their eyes and care about him again. It seemed pathetic, but maybe that was how it was.

The problem was, though, that his friends _didn't_ know he was depressed. How would they react when he told them he'd been cutting, he was beat up at school every day, that he was having suicidal thoughts… that he _attempted_ suicide?

He wouldn't tell them. That was what Carlos decided when his friends had left, when the hospital had closed for the night. He wouldn't worry them with all the horrible things that had happened to him. It wasn't worth it now, anyways, because they said they were his friends again. There was no use freaking them out.

Maybe, maybe if things ever got really bad, _maybe_ he'd tell them. Maybe. But he didn't think that would happen. He'd leave the hospital, and their life would be back to normal.

But what about school? It was what started all this in the first place. What if people just kept on bullying him, not knowing what had really happened? What if Kendall, James, and Logan just went back to ignoring him because they didn't know what had happened? If they though this had just been an accident… then they wouldn't care about Carlos that much after he healed, would they?

Carlos didn't know what to do. Should he tell them, or not? Should he worry them, or should he just let them go back to their old habits? Of course, Carlos _wanted_ to tell them… it was just that… he didn't want people to think there was something wrong with him. What if they sent him to counseling? What if people made fun of him even more?

Carlos didn't know anything for sure right now. He sighed, leaning his head against his soft, fluffy pillow. He reached up with both hands and turned the notch on his hearing aids down to "low". The noises of the machines, the crickets, the voices outside… they all disappeared. Everything was quiet, and soon, Carlos fell asleep, hoping that maybe, just maybe, things would be better and clearer tomorrow.

Maybe.

**A/N- So… just a bunch of his thoughts and his inner mind debating about stuff. Hope you liked it? ;) Should he tell them, or not? Well, obviously yes… but if he does tell, how do ya think people are gonna react?**

**Please review? This chapter was kinda a… filler… *hate that word*… but please tell me what you thought about it. Please? **

**Who's excited for Big Time Returns and Big Time Rush on Figure It Out? I know I am. I haven't been this excited for a long time… **

**Peace, Love, and Big Time Rush,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	26. The Party

_**Chapter 26**_

Carlos was going home today.

When the doctors had told them the news the day before, everyone was at least a little excited. Now they could probably get more out of Carlos with him with them every hour of the day. Maybe they could finally solve the mystery of what happened.

Dr. Morris still hadn't said a word about Carlos's accident. Every time they asked, he just looked away and pretended not to hear them. It was a pathetic attempt at avoiding the subject, but a successful one nonetheless.

The Palm Woods were busy trying to finish last minute touches to Carlos's party. The decorations, the cake, the corndogs, the bouncy house, everything. It was going to be great. Everyone pitched in, even the Jennifers and Bitters and that cranky man from 1G. It was one of the best parties Kendall, James, and Logan had ever seen.

The three of them had spent the most time preparing. They made invitations, bought almost all the decorations, bought all the food, and worked day and night to make sure the party was pretty much perfect.

Now all everyone could hope was that Carlos would enjoy this party. At least a little bit. From the lack of enthusiasm shown the past few days, Kendall, James, and Logan doubted Carlos would be that excited for the party.

But based on the fact that the first time he smiled after the accident was when they told him about the party, the guys had lots of hope that he was going to love the party, even though he probably wouldn't show much emotion.

They just had to wait and find out.

On the car ride home, Carlos just stared out the window. It had been 2 months since he'd been outside and breathed the fresh air. He kind of missed it, in a way.

In fact, he missed everything they drove past. The movie theater, Fun Burger, the arcade, and finally, the Palm Woods. Carlos thought the Palm Woods still looked exactly the same since he… was sent to the hospital. Nothing had changed just because he got hurt.

And then, before he knew it, people were popping out of everywhere, yelling "Welcome back!" and "We missed you, Carlos!"

Carlos was overwhelmed by all the attention. He hadn't had good attention in a long time… and he concluded that he missed that, too.

One by one, the people at the Palm Woods walked up and hugged him tightly. Carlos had to admit that he missed that feeling of love, too.

First, the Jennifers hesitantly pulled him in for a hug and kissed his cheeks. About a year ago, Carlos would have fainted at any physical contact with a Jennifer, nonetheless a kiss from all _three_ Jennifers. But now, he just couldn't seem to fine the joy inside of him to be happy.

Then, Camille came up, and instead of slapping Carlos across the face, which she had only done once in his life at the Palm Woods, she hugged him and kissed him on the forehead.

Jett even walked up at some point in time and patted Carlos on the back. Carlos couldn't read the expression on Jett's face. It looked like a good expression and a bad one all at the same time. It looked accusing, but sympathetic, all at the same time. Come to think of it, that was kind of the way _everyone_ was staring at him like. Carlos didn't understand why.

Was it still because they all wanted to know what happened to him? Well, if it was, Carlos wasn't ready to tell them yet. Especially not his friends. He wasn't ready yet. He couldn't tell them yet. He was scared of the way they would react.

Bitters "welcomed" him back gruffly, and Buddha Bob smiled at him. Guitar Dude said "Hey, dude, glad to have ya back," and then left without another word. Tyler gave Carlos is toy elephant, which Carlos held fragilely in his hands. The other people who didn't really talk to him just shook his hand or hugged him.

After all the welcomes from everyone, James took Carlos's hand and led him over to where the huge cake was. Carlos stared at the blue frosting lettering. "Welcome Back, Carlos Garcia!"

Carlos Garcia. He used to be someone so different from the him now, but… _things_ had changed him. Things he didn't want to think about. He wasn't sure if he'd ever go back to being that helmet-loving, carefree boy. And that thought scared him.

"We love you, buddy." James whispered into Carlos's ear, grinning. "Go blow out the candles. And make a wish." Buddy. James had called Carlos his buddy. Carlos had really missed that word coming out of James's mouth. Directed at him.

_We love you._ Carlos's heart almost stopped beating. _We love you._ They loved him. It was true, right? They loved him. James loved him, at least. And probably Kendall and Logan, too. They loved him.

But it was only because of what happened. Before, they didn't care even a bit about him. They ignored him and tossed him away like trash. And that hurt Carlos. A lot. Did it really take this "accident" for people to love him again?

Carlos didn't want to know the answer. He was content knowing that at least right here, right now, someone had told him that they loved him. The feeling was too great to be destroyed.

Carlos glanced around and shifted uncomfortably at everyone's curious stares, wondering what he would do. Examining his injuries. The wheelchair he was sitting in, the scratched and bruises on his face, his broken legs and his broken arm, and most of all, his hearing aids. The ones he felt embarrassed to be wearing.

The hearing devices made him feel stupid. It made him feel like some old lady who couldn't do anything by herself. He couldn't hear anything anymore, and if he didn't wear aids, he'd basically be useless at everything. That fact scared him more than the fact that he might never be the same again. He was useless without his stupid hearing aids.

The only good thing was that the aids felt kind of like the ear devices he used to have to put on during concerts. It was used so he could hear his bandmates, and hear the songs clearly over the cheering and screaming of the fans. Carlos's heart dropped down even further when he realized that Big Time Rush was pretty much no more.

Would they ever go back to the band? The band was currently on hiatus, and Carlos didn't know if he wanted it to continue or not. Would the band still be popular? And most of all, would the band still be popular when they found out what Carlos had really done? What if they kicked him out of the band? What if… what if his friends left him? Again?

"Come on, buddy. What're you waiting for?" Kendall said gently, pushing Carlos forward on his wheelchair. Carlos was shook out of his thoughts, and he quickly rolled the rest of the way to the cake. The gazes were getting more and more scrutinizing. He felt even more uncomfortable.

But once his eyes saw the candles, everything around him seemed to be gone. The people, the eyes, the hearing aid, the trees, the birds, the voices… everything. All he saw were the small flames on top of the red candles. One, two three, four. There were for of them. Just like there were four people in Big Time Rush.

What could he wish for? There were a lot of things, but if he could sum them all up into one thing… he could think one wish and everything he wanted would come true. Hopefully.

After a few seconds, Carlos closed his eyes, leaned forwards, and blew out the candles all in one blow.

_I wish everything could go back to the way it was before this school year._

He opened his eyes, the smoke tearing up his vision. Or was it tears that was making his eyes watery? Carlos sighed, looking around at the people smiling and clapping and cheering for him. For him. Not for someone else, for him. He still found that feeling of being loved… awesome. He couldn't describe how good it made him feel when someone said or did something nice for him. For him.

He rolled his wheelchair back, grasping the elephant tightly in his hands. He didn't know what he would name it, and he didn't care at that moment, either.

Kendall, James, and Logan grinned at Carlos and wheeled him to a table. Kendall left and came back a minute later with a huge piece of cake in a bowl. He put it down right in front of Carlos.

"Eat up, pal. It's _way_ better than the hospital food." James stated. Carlos smiled up at them, picked up the plastic fork, and dug it into the cake. Chocolate. His favorite.

He tasted the sweetness, the frosting and the chocolate. He loved it. It _was_ way better than hospital food. It was the first seriously good food he'd had in months.

After he finished the cake, Carlos wheeled back and looked his three friends in the eye. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out of it.

Thank you. That's what he wanted to say. Thank you. That was all. But he was still scared of what would happen once he started talking again. Would his friends think he was all better and leave him alone again?

_Thanks you. That's all you have to say._ Carlos told himself firmly. That was it. No more. Just a thank you.

His three friends stared back at him, excitement and concern in their eyes. "Do you wanna say something, buddy?" Logan asked gently. Carlos opened his mouth again, and then closed it. Opened it. Closed it.

But in the end, he just shook his head and looked away. James put a hand on Carlos's shoulder comfortingly.

"It's alright, buddy. We still love you. Just take your time, alright?"

Time. He never seemed to have enough of that.

**A/N- So… um, hey, guys. I haven't updated in pretty much 11 days. I'M SO SORRY! I hope this chapter makes up for it? (probably not, but I made the chapter a _teensy weensy _bit longer. Didn't make much of a difference…**

**Well, please review? And I started a new request story called "Four Brothers Called Big Time Rush". Could think of no better name for it. So check it out, and I'll try to update that and this story soon! **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	27. Home

_**Chapter 27**_

After the party, Carlos's friends packed up all the leftover food and took it back to apartment 2J. They would save all the food for later use. Everyone there gave Carlos one last hug and went back home to sleep.

The apartment still looked the way it did when Carlos… had left it that morning and went to school and jumped off that- Carlos shook his head, trying to get rid of that memory. He couldn't keep on thinking about that day anymore. It was over; he had to think about the present now.

"So, buddy, how'd ya like the party?" James asked softly, wrapping his arm around Carlos. Carlos looked up at his older friend. Once again, he wanted to say "thank you". But once again, he couldn't make himself. He was too scared of the consequences.

So he just settled for shrugging, his answer to pretty much everything these days. He expected James to be mad at him for not showing any gratitude for the party, but he just smiled. "Glad you like it, Carlos. We knew you would."

Carlos stared into James's eyes. Out of all of them, James probably understood Carlos the most. He hung out with Carlos the most, and he knew just about every secret Carlos had. Except about what had happened to Carlos that day. No one knew about that.

Carlos thought back to that day, even though he didn't want to. He remembered his parents fighting and hating each other, his friends hurting him, the bullies, and Bethany… Bethany, the girl who Carlos had been so painfully deceived by.

He had never felt more pain than he did that day. He would never forget it. He almost _died _that day. Carlos didn't know if he'd be better off dead or alive at that moment. If he died, he wouldn't feel anymore pain. But if he had died, he wouldn't have gotten the chance to experience the joy he felt during that party, He wouldn't be standing here right now.

Looking away, Carlos fiddled with the hem of his shirt. He didn't know what to think, he didn't know what to do. He didn't know anything for sure. He didn't know if his friends would betray him again, he didn't know about his parents… There were so many things he didn't know, and so many things he probably would _never_ know.

"Carlos? You alright?" Carlos looked back up at Logan's gentle voice. Logan had always been the gentlest out of them all. Logan was caring, and he loved everyone who loved him. So why had Logan hated Carlos so much when Carlos had wanted him so much to be his friend?

"You know you can trust us, right?" Kendall added. Carlos didn't answer. _Could _he trust them after all they'd done to him? He didn't know if he could. Sure, they'd planned the party for him, but that didn't say anything.

Carlos really wanted to trust them; he really did. They were his best friends since kindergarten. But after all that had happened… Carlos couldn't just ignore that. He couldn't ignore the fact that his friends had bullied him. He just couldn't forget about it that soon.

When Carlos looked back up again, he answered Kendall's question with a shake of his head.

His friends looked so hurt, so confused, that Carlos wanted to take it back. But it was the truth, and Carlos didn't want to lie to his friends. He just couldn't trust them yet. He couldn't trust _anyone_ yet.

"Carlos…" Logan choked out, holding back his sob. Kendall put his arm around Logan's shoulders, and then looked back at Carlos.

"Why don't you have James take you to your room?" He suggested. Carlos just nodded, and followed James into his old bedroom. James bed wasn't made; it hardly ever was. Carlos's was perfectly made. By who, he didn't know.

James sighed, sitting on a chair. Carlos sat in his wheelchair, not knowing yet again what to do.

"Carlos, I… I'm sorry. You don't know how sorry I am about this." They both knew what "this" meant.

Carlos shrugged. James went on. "What I did was so wrong. I don't know if Kendall and Logan feel the same, but I would take back everything I did and said to you if I could. But I can't. So… I guess all I can do is apologize."

Carlos had never, _ever_, heard James talk like that. All serious and regretful and so _not _confident about himself. It seemed like James meant what he said. His apology seemed true and heartfelt. But once again, Carlos just couldn't assume James meant what he said. There were too many risks and too many consequences.

If James was truly sorry, then Carlos forgave him. But if James somehow… _wasn't_, then… Carlos didn't know what he would do then. What if James hurt him again? Even if he didn't, what if Kendall or Logan hurt him? How could Carlos know _they_ were sorry?

"I get it if you don't forgive me, Carlos. But… I'm really sorry. Everything I did was stupid. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I was just caught up in everything and… I just… changed. I'm so sorry, Carlos. And I'm sure Kendall and Logan are too." James's face and his eyes shone with tears. Carlos bit his lip. He'd only seen James cry a few times, because he always tried to stay so strong for his friends. James wouldn't just cry for no reason and let Carlos see him do it.

James was sincere. The pretty boy wouldn't embarrass himself by crying in front of people unless it was for something really serious. James wouldn't… he just wouldn't.

After a few moments, Carlos decided he could at least trust that James was sorry about what he'd done. But that was the only thing he could trust. There were so many other things lurking in the shadows. And Carlos didn't want them to jump out and attack him.

But for now, Carlos knew James was truly sorry.

Reaching his hand out, Carlos touched James's shoulder slowly. James wiped his eyes and looked at Carlos. Carlos smiled at James and nodded his head. _Yes, James, I forgive you._

"You… you're forgiving me? J-Just like that?" James asked quietly, his voice hoarse from crying. Staring James in the eye, Carlos nodded firmly. So far, that nod had been the only answer he was sure of. He was sure that he would forgive James.

James sniffled, smiling back. "Thanks, buddy. Thanks you so much." Before Carlos knew it, James had leaned in and gave him a tight hug. It was tighter and stronger than any of the hugs he'd already received.

Carlos hugged back, something he hadn't done with anyone else just yet. When James pulled away, he had stopped crying, but his eyes still shone with tears.

"Let's go to sleep, shall we?" James asked, grinning. Carlos nodded again, letting James carry him into his bed. The pretty boy lowered a thick blanket over Carlos, and whispered "good night" to him. Just like he did before.

Carlos flinched when James reached over and clicked his hearing aids off his ears. He had forgotten that the devices were still there. It made his feel like a dork. James said something, but Carlos couldn't hear it. That just made him feel even more useless.

Carlos watched James's as he turned off the lights and went to bed himself. He watched James until he fell asleep. Carlos would expect that James would have a hard time falling asleep... Carlos shrugged, shifting his position slightly. There were lots of things he couldn't explain.

"Good night," Carlos mouthed silently, wishing that he could finally say those words out loud soon.

Soon.

**A/N- I'm so sorry for the wait… my cousins came to visit and it's kinda been hectic here in my house. I'm sorry. But I'll try to post the next chapter up soon. Don't you feel bad for Carlos… and now James since he CRIED?**

**Post your opinions and thoughts a review, please? I would love that! **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	28. Fight

_**Chapter 28**_

When Carlos woke up the next day, he found James sitting next to Carlos, staring intently at the Latino boy. He didn't seem to notice that Carlos had woken up already.

Carlos coughed softly, and that seemed to jerk James out of his daze. "Oh, hey buddy! You're awake! Um, wanna go eat some breakfast?" Carlos shook his head, slowly sitting up on his bed.

"No? Why not?" Carlos still shook his head, pointing at his ears. James almost smacked himself. Of course. Carlos couldn't hear him. He needed his hearing aids. James quickly grabbed them and attached them to Carlos's ears.

James repeated his question, and this time, Carlos nodded. The two walked (well, Carlos wheeled himself) into the kitchen after Carlos changed, and found Kendall and Logan already seated, eating toast and drinking orange juice. Carlos missed the days he would eat dinosaur chicken nuggets and play with them at breakfast. Now, everyone and everything just seemed dull and boring. And it was because of him.

"Good morning, Carlos. How are you today?" Kendall asked. Carlos shrugged. He didn't know how he was feeling. He felt sad, regretful, scared… everything that he didn't want to be feeling. But, of course, he didn't tell that to Kendall.

"Toast?" Logan asked. Carlos nodded as he sat down next to James. The taller boy poured Carlos a glass of orange juice, placed some toast on a plate, and pushed it in front of Carlos.

"So, buddy… we were thinking that we should do something today. Like, ya know, talk about… stuff." James started awkwardly.

Carlos stared at them with a confused expression. They were being super blunt today, and Carlos thought he knew why.

"So, um, yeah… I guess we could drive on down to that park a few blocks down and just have a friendly little conversation." Logan continued.

"Just to get to know what's going on in our lives these days… ya know, before you were in the hospital." Kendall finished. All three boys watched for Carlos's reaction. The small boy just looked down, refusing to look at any of them.

Did they want to talk about what happened? Carlos didn't think he was ready to tell them yet. He was scared of what they would think of him after they knew the whole story. Would they hate him again? Would they think he was crazy and stupid for doing something so… stupid?

"So what do ya think, Carlos?" Carlos looked back up, taking a gulp of his juice. What did _he _think? He thought they should just lock him inside a white room with food and water and just leave him there for a month. He wasn't ready to come back into the world. People just… scared him too much right now. He just wanted to be alone. Right here, in this little apartment. Alone. He didn't even want his friends here with him.

But since Carlos didn't want them to feel like there was something wrong (though that was probably the _only _thing they knew for sure about him), he just nodded. It was better than going back to school… he didn't know _what _he'd do if they made him go back into that… that _nightmare_.

So Carlos slowly and reluctantly nodded. Kendall smiled at him, James looked relieved, and Logan just looked thoughtful. They were probably already thinking about what had happened to their friend. Carlos didn't want to break their hearts and tell them that what he did was partly because of them.

When they got to the park, there was no one there. Carlos was glad; he didn't want anyone listening on their conversation. Kendall led them to a bench in the middle of the park. The wind blew in Carlos's face… just like it had that day when he jumped off…

Carlos shook the thought out of his head. He had to stop thinking about that. But… if that's what they were gonna talk about, how could he stop thinking about it? Carlos was confused and worried and scared for himself and his friends. What would his friends think? Would they start feeling guilty? Or would they not care?

"So, Carlos… ever since you ended up in the hospital, everyone's been asking us lots of question. We could pretty much answer them, like your age and ethnic origin and your medical conditions and stuff like that, but there was one question we could not answer." Kendall started. By the way he was talking, it seemed like they had prepared for this little "speech" of theirs. Carlos would've laughed if the situation weren't so serious.

"What happened to you? That's the one question we could not answer. So, we asked the doctors. But even the doctors didn't know what the answer was. They said only _you_ know." James continued, his hazel eyes staring at Carlos intently.

"Carlos, we don't want to pressure you, but it would really help if you told us what happened. We won't judge you for it, promise." Logan told him sincerely.

Carlos looked at all of his friends. Did he trust them enough to tell them what happened? Well… there really was no one left to trust other than them and Mrs. Knight and Katie… and he'd been friends with Kendall, James, and Logan since kindergarten. They'd understand, wouldn't they? They wouldn't hurt him for what he'd done.

But that's what Carlos thought before. That they wouldn't hurt him. But look what happened throughout the past few months. His friends had punched him, called him names… Carlos had thought that'd never happen…

"Carlos, buddy, please tell us. We won't hurt you ever again." James said, as though he'd read Carlos's mind.

"Carlos, we- _I'm_ sorry. I'm sorry for what I did to you." Kendall said, his green eyes wide. Kendall sounded sincere; he really did. But Kendall had been the one to punch him, right?

"And I'm sorry, too. I don't know what got into me, but I'm so sorry. I'll even switch schools just so we can start over again." Logan shocked everyone by his words, but soon, James and Kendall agreed.

"We'll switch. I'll leave all my friends behind, and James and Logan will too." Kendall said. "We promise we'll start over again and be four hockey player best friends from Minnesota. We could even start Big Time Rush again!"

Carlos couldn't believe his friends would do that for him. He just… it seemed too good to be true. His friends would give up their friends, and for Logan, his girlfriend, just to be Carlos's best friend again?

"Do you forgive us, Carlos?" Kendall repeated.

Carlos wiped a tear from his eye and nodded. _I do, Kendall. I forgive you and James and Logan. I forgive you. _That's what he wanted to say. But he didn't say it.

"Carlos, if we_ are_ best friends again, then… best friends tell each other everything. The same goes with us." Logan pointed out.

Carlos felt his hands sweating. He didn't know what to do. Should he tell them, or write it out for them, or... should he not tell them at all?

"Carlos, was this an accident?" Logan asked accusingly. Carlos had a feeling Logan knew more than he was letting on.

"What are you talking about, Logan? Why _wouldn't _it be an accident?" Kendall asked, his stubborn attitude kicking in.

"Kendall, you don't get it. Carlos… he's been through a lot. Especially with u-us being so m-mean to-" Logan was cut off.

"But that doesn't mean it wasn't an accident! We weren't treating him _that_ bad… w-were we?" Kendal suddenly didn't think Logan's statement was crazy anymore. _Had _they been treating Carlos so bad that he decided to… no, it couldn't be. Carlos was way too innocent.

'I cannot _believe_ you, Kendall. You're the one who's been treating him the worse, and now you're not even gonna _admit_ that you treated him bad?" James said, anger building up inside of him.

"Oh yeah? Well I _know_ that you hurt Carlos too! Did you try to stop it? _No_, you didn't! You're just as bad as Kendall!" Logan yelled.

"Well, _you_ were with us too! If you were such a goody two shoes, why didn't you tell us to _stop?_ I know, cuz you were too busy doing what _we_ were doing! You're no better than any of _us_, either!" James retorted.

"I didn't say I was _better_. All I'm saying is that Carlos's accident _wasn't_ an accident! It was all because of us!" Logan's eyes filled with frustrated tears.

"How do you know that? You've never asked him!"

"Well, that's cuz he's not gonna _answer _me no matter what I ask him! And you know what? After people have accidents, they usually talk about it. But if it _wasn't_ accident, they _won't_ talk about it!"

"Well, what if someone mugged him and then beat him up?" James shouted. All three of them had stood up, and Carlos watched them with wide eyes. He had to stop this fight before it got out of hand.

"No one can do _that_ much damage!"

"Then maybe he went swimming and a shark bit him!" Kendall retaliated.

"He was found in front of the school, you idiot!"

"_You're_ the idiot!"

"I'm just saying… whatever happened _wasn't_ an accident. I just can't be."

"But the doctors say they're pretty sure it _was_ an accident! As far as I know, Logan, you're _not_ a doctor! You just wish you were!" Kendall screamed. Logan looked hurt for a moment, but then recovered.

"As far as _I _know, I'm smarter than both of you!"

Carlos wanted to tell them to stop. They were scaring him and he just wanted them to stop fighting and be friends again… But he didn't know what to do. Nothing he could do could catch their attention long enough.

But then he realized something. There _was_ something he could do. Tell them what actually happened. But he couldn't do that… he wasn't ready yet. Or was he? Carlos was so confused he felt like he would start crying any second.

"You never know what _could _happen! Maybe someone did something to him and then dropped him in front of the school so people wouldn't be suspicious!"

"Why can't you just face the fact that maybe _we _did this to Carlos?"

Carlos just tried to block out all the screaming. When he failed, he turned his hearing aid down until he couldn't hear anything else. It reminded him too much of his parents yelling at each other… and people yelling at _him_…

Carlos seriously had no idea what to do. Kendall and James were wrong, that was for sure. But Logan was also kinda wrong. It wasn't _only _because of them. It was because of all the bullies and his parents and Bethany… But if Carlos told them everything, he'd have to explain everything… and then all his secrets would be out.

His friends had said they wouldn't laugh at him. Maybe they wouldn't. They were _fighting_ over him, and Carlos didn't like it one bit. Maybe if he just told them what happened… they could help him get over all the emotional pain he still felt at times.

Maybe. Maybe.

When Carlos glanced at his three fighting friends again, James pulled his fist back and was about to punch Logan in the face. That's when Carlos made his decision. He opened his mouth, flicked on his hearing aids, took a deep breath, and before James could punch Logan, he said it. He yelled it, actually. Yelled it as loud as he could.

"I jumped!"

**A/N- Obviously, the boys are gonna be confused about what Carlos said… so he's gonna have to do some explaining. Do you think Carlos should've told them? Tell me in a review!**

**And I'm sorry for the long wait. I really have no excuse… sigh. But this chapter was kinda longer, so… yeah. Maybe that'll make up for it? **

**Peace, Love, and GIRAFFES,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	29. Explaining

_**Chapter 29**_

If there was a record for the fastest turn, James, Logan, and Kendall would have beaten it when they turned to face Carlos. For a few seconds, no one spoke. Kendall, Logan, and James were shocked that Carlos had actually spoken. They were still a little pissed off, but mostly they were confused about what Carlos had said.

"Carlos, what do you m-mean?" Kendall asked hesitantly. Carlos looked away from his friends' stares. He shouldn't have told them… he shouldn't have. They were already looking at him weird.

"Carlos, what do you mean?" Kendall repeated, this time more loud and firm.

Carlos bit his lip and stared at the three guys. "L-Logan's right." His voice felt and sounded weird from not using it for so long.

Logan sat down next to Carlos on the grass, wrapping his arm around the younger boy. "I was right about what, Litos?"

Carlos sniffled. "I tr-tried to… to…" He trailed off, not wanting to say it.

"It's alright, buddy, we won't get mad." James told Carlos gently, sitting down beside Logan. Kendall sat down on the other side of Carlos.

"I tried t-t-to… k-kill myself."

Everything stilled. Even the birds seemed to stop flying. No one spoke. Kendall, James, and Logan all had shocked expressions on their faces.

Kendall was the first to break the silence. "Carlos… wh-why would you do that?" He asked gently, his eyes still wide with shock. Carlos looked down, feeling so ashamed of himself for hurting his friends like this.

"Carlos, buddy… I'm so sorry." James got out, wrapping his arms around Carlos's small frame. "I… I don't know what to say."

Carlos's hands shook as he looked up at his friends. "I just.. c-couldn't take it a-anymore…" he whispered. It was so soft the other three weren't sure they heard right. Pain? What kind of pain was Carlos going through?

"Carlos, tell us what happened. Why you felt so hurt… o-other than because of u-us…" Logan almost started crying when he realized they were part of the reason Carlos had attempted suicide. He would never forgive himself for this.

Carlos sniffled. "I… I can't."

Kendall bit his lip. "Carlos, we won't judge you. We won't make fun of you. We'll still be your best friends." It sickened him that _he_ was the reason Carlos didn't trust them anymore. _He_ was the reason Carlos almost _died_.

Carlos's heart lifted. They were still his best friends… they didn't laugh at him or bully him. They were still his best friends. They wanted him to trust them, and they seemed sincere about their apologies. _Maybe you can trust them now,_ Carlos told himself.

_Maybe he could…_

"I… e-ever since we came to th-this… school, people h-have been p-pushing me around…" Carlos started quietly. He saw the shock on the faces of his friends transform into pity and shock.

"Was… was it bad?" James didn't want to know the answer.

"It…s-sometimes people beat me up s-so bad that… e-especially your f-friend Jason and th-this other g-guy…" Carlos let out a small sob, burying his face into James's familiar chest. He felt like James was actually going to protect him for real this time.

Kendall was shocked. Jason had hurt Carlos this bad. And Kendall had never even bothered to care. He never even bothered to find out if anyone was hurting Carlos. He was such a horrible friend… He was always too busy hanging out with Jason and his crew that he had no time for Carlos. He felt so bad…

James rubbed his youngest friend's back comfortingly. "Oh, Carlos… was that all?" He didn't really want to overwhelm Carlos, but this may be the only time he'd want to talk about it. James needed to get the most of this moment.

"Th-they called me h-horrible names and made online c-clubs about how s-stupid I was… and e-everyone hated me. E-except B-Bethany." Carlos whimpered. His body shook with tiny sobs, and James looked up at his friends helplessly.

After they'd got Carlos to stop crying, Kendall asked, "Bethany? As in, Simon Peterson's girlfriend?" Simon was one of the most popular guys in school, and his girlfriend was one of the most popular girls. If Carlos was actually as hated as he said he was, then Bethany liking Carlos seemed a little weird

Carlos nodded. "She started t-talking to me every day, and l-laughing and sm-smiling with me… I th-thought she was the o-one… but-but-but-" Carlos bit his lip, not wanting to say anymore. His friends would _surely_ make fun of him if he told them the rest.

Logan shook Carlos gently. "Then what, buddy? You can tell us, we won't make fun you. Promise." Once again, Carlos was persuaded by his best friends to keep on telling his story.

"My parents c-called a f-few days after and… and they s-said… they got a d-divorce. Dad left to Wisconsin a-and my Mom stayed. My-my dad swore at me when… wh-when I t-told Mom where he-he was… and…" Carlos trailed off, tears in his eyes again. This time, the guys didn't tell him to go on. They'd heard enough to know that his parents hated each other now. And that Mr. Garcia was a big jerk

"I-I went on a d-date with Bethany the d-day you guys… ma-made fun of my s-suit. I r-really thought she lo-loved me… but then… th-that day you guys to-told me you h-hated me and that your p-parents made you be friends with me… Bethany t-told me it was a-all a prank. And that d-day… I jumped off th-the school." Carlos whimpered again, sobbing into James's already soaked shirt.

James, Kendall, and Logan were drowning in guilt. _They _had told Carlos that they hated him all along… they were the ones who he'd trusted. Carlos trusted them to protect him, but they just bullied him and told them they _hated_ him.

The three held Carlos close, comforting him with their words.

"Carlos, we're so sorry. We were just being stupid. I promise on my _life_ that we still love you. My mom _didn't_ force me to be friends with you. I promise." Kendall had said firmly.

"We are_ so so_ _so_ sorry. I just can't believe… I can't believe we were so stupid."

"You'll be alright now, Carlitos. We'll protect you forever and ever and ever. We'll never let you go."

Carlos fell asleep listening to the words of his big brothers, safe and protected from the monsters that were out to hurt him.

**A/N- So… he spilled. And his friends are "drowning in guilt'. You'll see where Carlos goes later on next chapter… I think you may enjoy it. He's gonna go back to SCHOOL! Ooops, just spilled…**

**Anyways, please review this chapter! It means a lot to me! And P.S- I kinda accidentally posted last chapter as this chapter... so I reposted it. Sorry bout that. **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	30. Back To School

_**Chapter 30**_

Carlos cowered into James's side as the familiar ring of the bell sounded. The school bell. Carlos was back in school, and so far, he didn't like it one bit.

After Mrs. Knight and Katie found about what had really happened to Carlos, they were so saddened that they had cried for hours on end. Mrs. Knight was especially guilty for not being there when Carlos needed them, for not noticing that Carlos was feeling… depressed. Kendall tried to tell her not to think it was her fault, but Carlos didn't think she really listened.

Carlos sighed to himself. He really shouldn't have told them. All that had caused was more pain and guilt. But if he _hadn't_ told them… it would have caused even _more_ pain and confusion and anger. So overall, telling his friends _was_ probably a good thing to do.

Carlos's heart stopped when he heard the horribly familiar laughter of Jason. Kendall's best friend, Jason. Would Kendall just ditch Carlos for his friend, or would Kendall really keep his promise?

"Hey, Knight, I see your loser friend is back. Aw, look at that! He's in a wheelchair with a dork device in his ears. And it's all from his stupid freak accident." An accident. That's what everyone thought of what had happened to Carlos. Just a plain old accident. Carlos wondered how they would react when they figured out that Carlos had tried to end his own life.

"First of all, he's _not_ a loser." Kendall began, taking a threatening step towards Jason. Jason smirked. "And also, I'm not your friend anymore."

Carlos almost didn't believe his ears. Kendall was already telling Jason to back off. Carlos had expected a little more time for Kendall to let go of his best friend. But what Kendall had done just proved the Carlos even more that he would really keep his promise. And Carlos felt protected now, in Kendall's watch.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. _Wait _a second. You're _what_ now?" Jason gaped at Kendall. Kendall slammed Jason into the brick wall harshly.

"You're hurting Carlos. And I _won't_ let that slide." Kendall practically growled. Carlos was glad Kendall wasn't using that voice on _him_ anymore.

Jason shook his head. "Dude, I can't believe you're sticking up for this pathetic little _loser_-" Jason was cut off what Kendall punched him right in the face.

"You're not denying that your bullied him. You _hurt_ my best friend. No friend of mine would even _think_ about doing that." Kendall couldn't help but feel like a hypocrite when he said that. After all, Kendall _had_ hurt Carlos, maybe even worse than Jason had. And his friends, James and Logan, had, too.

But Kendall hadn't been physically punished, like Jason getting a punch. His punishment was emotional. His punishment was living with guilt the rest of his life. Guilt that he'd hurt his best friend and caused him to try and end his life. And that kind of punishment was the worst one someone could receive.

"Alright! Chill out, Knight. Geez. If you wanna hang with that loser, then by all means, go ahead. You're no use to us anyways." Kendall punched Jason one last time before he led his friends away.

"Wow, man, never thought you could be so threatening." James commented. Kendall just smiled.

"He totally deserved it."

Logan nodded in agreement. "Maybe we should go beat him up some more."

Kendall shrugged. "A weakling like him wouldn't be able to take it." James and Logan laughed, and Carlos cracked a smile.

Kendall wrapped an arm around Carlos. "Alright, buddy, he's taken care of. He'll never mess with you again. And I'll make sure to kick Simon's butt for you, too. I can promise you that." Carlos smiled.

Just then, a girl came up to Logan and pulled him in for a kiss. Logan pushed her away. Carlos had also told Logan about how Alana had tricked Logan into believing Carlos had flirted with her. Logan decided that since Alana had lied to him, they were over. He _hated_ girls who lied. He especially hated girls who lied about his friends.

Alana pouted. "What's wrong, Logie?" Logie loved seeing her face every day, but once he remembered what she had done, all he saw was a pile of dirt.

"I-I'm sorry, Alana… but I don't think this is working out."

Alana furrowed her eyebrows. "What are you talking about, Logie?" Carlos couldn't help remembering that that was the nickname _he'd_ always called Logan. And now Alana had stolen that, too.

"I just… don't think this is working out." Logan blurted out, his face nervous yet glad. To be honest, Logan had never really liked Alana anyways. She seemed too bossy and stuck up, she flirted with every boy and Logan doubted that he was her only boyfriend.

"Why not? We love each other, Logan. We love each other, right?" Now that Logan thought about it… he _didn't_ love Alana. Sure, she was pretty and got him popularity, but he thought about all the times she had bossed him around. She had changed his style of clothing, but most of all, she'd changed his attitude. Logan had changed for the worst mostly because of her,

Logan didn't understand why all this was coming to him _now,_ and not, like, two months ago. Maybe it was because Carlos had actually said aloud that Alana had been mean to him. Maybe that was when Logan started noticing how bad of a girl Alana was. And Logan was ready to break up with her.

"No. _I_ don't." Logan spit out, anger evident in his eyes. Alana looked taken aback, but then she held her chin up high. The boys were immediately reminded of the Jennifers.

"Well, fine. There are plenty of other hot, less _stupid_ guys around here." With that, she walked off, leaving Logan smirking. The guys had never seen Logan so confident about something having to do with girls before. Maybe Alana had changed him for the better, too.

"Oh yeah! I almost forgot!" James took out a sheet of paper from his back pack. "We made sure that in every single one of your classes, you're with one of us. You won't ever have to be alone." Carlos smiled at his three older friends.

"Thank you." The Latino whispered softly, grinning. After he had spilled on what happened to him, Carlos had stopped talking for quite a while. This was actually kinda the second time he talked.

Carlos was just glad he could finally say those two words of his gratefulness to his friends. Thank you.

Even though they had broken him, they had also saved him. So did that make them better or worse people than they were before? They made up for the cruelness with overwhelming kindness, so did that just make them… normal? Did their bad acts and good acts even out, or was one still more evident than the other?

Carlos didn't ponder on it any longer. His friends were back to… normal, if his friends could even be called that. They loved him again, and they loved him enough to ditch their other friends and girlfriends.

But Carlos couldn't help feeling like the only reason they loved him again was because he'd tried to end his life. Did it really take _that much_ for them to notice that they were leaving Carlos behind? Best friends noticed that kind of stuff almost immediately. But it took Kendall, James, and Logan months to figure out, and it would've taken longer if Carlos hadn't jumped off the building.

Carlos shook out that thought, following his friends into his first class of the day.. He was reluctant to go in, but after what Kendall and Logan, he felt that his three friends would protect him like they always had.

He felt everyone's eyes staring at him as wheeled himself into the classroom. Some were curious, some were mean, some were mocking, some were just blank… but Carlos didn't let the mean stares get to him. He clung on to James and wheeled himself next to him. He heard people whispering about them. But he didn't care.

He had his friends to protect him now, right?

**A/N- Yeah… that felt like the worst chapter ever. Now you guys see Kendall, James, and Logan are genuine. Yay! And the next few chapters will probably be about Carlos getting settled back into… well, his life. And then, I'm sorry to say, but the story will be over. I know, I'm sad too. **

**So please review? It's one of your last chances! Please?**

**Love ya, Anonymous Skrtle **


	31. Bullies

_**Chapter 31**_

` Carlos wheeled out of his last class, happier than he'd ever felt before. No one had called him names except for a few jocks who'd called him "loser". No one had pushed him, shoved him, or hurt him in any physical way. It was, like, a new record for him.

"So, Carlos, how was your day?" Kendall asked Carlos.

Carlos grinned. "It was fine." His friends were relieved. They didn't want Carlos to feel scared anymore. They were there to protect him now.

"Hey, um, I'm gonna go to bathroom real quick, alright?" Kendall said.

"I gotta go to." James added. Logan followed him.

"You gonna be alright here, Carlos?" Kendall asked hesitantly. He didn't want to leave Carlos alone… but maybe he was being _too_ overprotective. He was just gonna be gone for, like, five minutes. Carlos would be fine.

Carlos nodded. "Yeah, I'll just sit here and wait for you guys. I'll be fine." James, Kendall, and Logan glanced at each other before shrugging and deciding silently that Carlos would be fine. They'd be out in a few minutes.

Carlos regretted telling his friends he'd be fine when he saw Simon and Jason walk up to him threateningly. Carlos shrunk back, opening his mouth to call for his friends. Simon clamped his beefy hand over his mouth, glaring at him.

"Hey, Carlos. Glad to see you're back." Jason sneered.

"Yeah, we thought you were dead already. I wish you were," Simon muttered. Those words hurt Carlos badly, but for the first time, they made him angry, too.

"Leave me alone." Carlos told them firmly. He was actually feeling more scared than he sounded. But he didn't regret his words.

Jason laughed. "So your trip to the hospital made you feisty too, huh? Well, we're gonna show you how bad we can screw you up. Not that you're _not_ screwed up already. We'll make you even more messed up than you already are."

Carlos bit his lip. He was so sick and tired of these guys pushing him around. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? None of this would've happened if they'd just left him alone. Why did they have to be so mean?

Before Carlos could comprehend what he was doing, he crashed his wheelchair into the two bigger boys, making them stumble backwards, shock and pain clear on their faces.

"Oh, no you didn't…" Simon growled, catching himself and stomping angrily towards Carlos. Carlos gulped. Oh no… he hadn't meant for this to happen. But he _did_ mean to cause them pain… he just hadn't meant for them to retaliate. But of _course_ they would retaliate. They hurt him even when he'd never touched them or hurt them ever before.

""Let's show this kid who's boss." Jason drew back his fist and punched. Carlos wheeled backwards, so Jason's fist met thin air. Jason looked angrier than ever, and Carlos regretted ducking from the blow. He just didn't want to get hurt again…

"You little brat, I'll kill you!" Jason was about to punch Carlos again, but three loud voices interrupted him.

"Get away from him!" Kendall yelled, running up to Jason and punching him square in the face. James did the same to Simon. The two boys glared at Carlos, who shrunk back in fear.

"Just leave him alone and you won't end up dead, alright?" Kendall told them threateningly.

Simon rolled his eyes. "Fine, he's a waste of our time anyways." Kendall was about to punch them again, but James stopped them and told Simon and Jason to just leave before things got worse.

After the two bullies had left, Carlos's three friends turned around to face him.

"Are you okay, buddy? Did they hurt you?" James asked worriedly.

Carlos smiled and shook his head. "Nope, but _I _hurt _them_."

His friends understood immediately what Carlos meant after glancing at his wheelchair. "Nice, dude! You totally gave 'em a taste of their own medicine." Logan patted Carlos on the back. Carlos grinned. It really did feel good to hurt the people who hurt him. It felt good to be able to defend himself in some way.

"Aw, I wish I'd seen their faces," Kendall added, receiving a nod from James.

"Totally. Good job, Carlos. Hey, you guys wanna leave and get a smoothie?" James asked cheerfully. Carlos nodded immediately, having not eaten junk food since three months ago.

His three friends chuckled. "Let's go, then."

_Line line line _

When they got there, James ordered their smoothies and found a table for them to share. As Carlos was slipping his strawberry smoothie happily, he saw her. He saw Bethany. She was alone and ordering a smoothie.

Carlos froze, dropping his smoothie on the table and widening his eyes. His friends noticed immediately, glancing at what had scared Carlos so much. Their stomachs were filled with despair when they saw her, too.

"Carlos, dude, you okay?" Logan asked softly. Carlos snapped out of his daze.

"It's… it's h-her." Carlos got out.

Kendall wrapped his arm around Carlos. "Do you want us to go tell her to leave? Cuz if you don't want her here, we'll get her out." The blonde boy said confidently.

Carlos _did_ want Bethany out. He _did_ want Bethany to suffer for what she did. But he felt like it wasn't fair to kick her out of a public place. Maybe his friends could talk to her for him… but then Carlos realized something.

In order to have people really leave him alone, he had to be independent. His friends punching someone for him wouldn't make them leave him alone. But him hitting Simon and Jason made them leave him alone forever. At least he hoped so.

Bullies just liked seeing people cower with fear when they saw them. Bullies liked seeing kids suffer. But if the kid fought back, it wasn't fun for the bullies to pick on them anymore. Carlos had cowered in fear each time Simon and Jason were within a twenty foot radius from him. But this time, he'd fought back, and Simon had said they'd leave him alone.

It was just a matter of sticking up for himself. He had to defend himself and be confident when dealing with bullies. Then, they'd leave him alone.

Bethany was a little like a bully, not a physical one, but an emotional one. She'd flayed with Carlos's feelings, and Carlos was ready to stick up for himself and make her sorry for what she did. He wouldn't plan revenge on Bethany or do something really cruel; he'd just make sure Bethany never did something like that again to anyone else.

Carlos looked at his friends. "No, um, it's alright."

James raised his eyebrows. "Are you sure? If I were you, I wouldn't want her around."

Carlos bit his lip. "Yeah, I don't want her around. But you guys don't have to kick her out for me. I'm gonna go talk to her."

**A/N- So… Carlos realizes some things. Like if he's bullied, he's gotta stick up for himself and they'll leave him alone. That usually isn't true, probably… I haven't really been bullied before, so I have no clue. But I guess it COULD be true?**

**So now Carlos is gonna talk to Bethany. Hmm, wonder what's gonna happen then? Well, you'll see next chapter! **

**Sadly, though this story is ending in a few chapters. I'm going to kinda "close up" everything, and it'll be the end of Vanishing. I wanna cry…**

**Reviews are like fluffy kittens, so review? ;)**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	32. Bethany

_**Chapter 32**_

Carlos wheeled up to Bethany, his heart pumping with nervousness and anticipation. Carlos wanted to get this over with already. Bethany had been on his mind for days, and Carlos didn't want her to keep on irritating his brain.

He waited patiently until the girl was done ordering, and followed her silently when she walked down the aisle to get her smoothie. When she was turning around to leave, Carlos poked her back with his finger.

Bethany turned around rapidly, looking for whoever had touched her. Carlos had to clear his throat for her to actually look down and see him. Her eyes widened, and her face paled.

"C-Carlos?" She stuttered out. Carlos nodded.

"Um, can I talk to you? Privately?" Carlos asked. He was relieved when Bethany nodded her head hesitantly. That part was done. The two walked over to a corner booth, where no one could see or hear them. Perfect.

"Carlos, I-I don't know what to say. I… are you okay?" She finally said. Carlos looked at her skeptically. Was she _really_ asking that? Did she mean was Carlos okay from the whole "accident" thing, or did she mean was he okay after her… betrayal? There was no way for Carlos to tell, but he just shrugged in response.

Carlos and Bethany sat face to face, avoiding each other's gazes. Bethany obviously didn't now what to say. Carlos had an idea of what he wanted to talk about, but he was afraid of what would happen. This girl had hurt him more than anyone ever had. Who knew what else she could do?

"What did you wanna talk to me about?" Bethany asked harshly. Carlos flinched at the sharpness in her tone.

"I, um… I… I just don't get it." Carlos finally managed, not even sure what his words meant. Bethany gave him a blank stare.

"I don't know what you mean."

Suddenly, Carlos _did_ know what he meant. "I mean, why would you b-betray me like that? No one's e-ever played such a horrible prank on me." Carlos said softly, looking down at his hands. He licked his lips, his eyes sad and filled with tears.

For a few seconds, Bethany didn't answer. She just stared back at Carlos with regret and sadness in her eyes. But Carlos never looked up again until she finally started talking.

"I was caught up in everything, alright? Everyone expected me to be the bad girl all the time, and so… I just wanted to satisfy them."

Carlos sniffled and stared at her. "Even if it meant…"

Bethany nodded, ashamed. "Even if meant hurting you," she whispered quietly. Carlos nodded, looking back down again. He was still hurt by what Bethany had done, but now he at least knew the motive. Peer pressure, high expectations… the same things that drove his friends to be mean to him.

Who knew, maybe Bethany would actually be a really nice and honest girl if it weren't for Simon and all those other people who persuaded her to hurt others. Maybe she was different before. People change other people. Wasn't that what had happened to Kendall, James, and Logan?

They were nice, friendly, and helped everyone who was in need. But when they met other people in the school, boy or girl, they started to change and act like those other people. And they never cared about the other people they were hurting, even it that other person had been their best friend since kindergarten.

"Carlos, listen to me." Her tone was so gentle and firm that Carlos _did_ listen to her. He stared her right in the eyes and listened.

"I'm so, _so _sorry for what I did. I don't know… I just don't understand how I could have been so cruel. I just got caught up and-and I… I'm just so sorry." Carlos's eyes softened when he saw a tear slip down Bethany's face.

"I know. I know how it feels to be 'caught up' or whatever you call it. I know what that does to people. And I don't know for sure yet, but maybe I can forgive you." Carlos told her softly. Bethany wiped away her tears quickly and nodded.

"I shouldn't be the one crying… I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. You're really sweet, and I shouldn't have, I shouldn't have done that to you. Or to anyone." This time, Bethany looked down at her hands, her face red and tears in her eyes.

"Maybe, maybe we could start over. For real this time." Carlos's heart fluttered and his heart pounded harder than ever. Those were the exact words Sasha had spoken to him after Gustavo had told him Sasha was an actor. Almost the same thing had happened with him and Bethany… except Bethany didn't do it for Carlos's benefit. Sasha did it so Carlos could sing the break up song better. But Bethany had done it to satisfy herself and her horrible friends. She'd done it only to hurt him.

And Carlos didn't know if he could forgive her for that yet.

"I… I don't know. Maybe soon. But right now… I just can't." Carlos told her truthfully. Bethany sighed softly.

"Alright. And I can't stress enough how sorry I am, Carlos. I really am sorry."

Carlos didn't answer. Bethany didn't deserve to be let off the hook that easily, right? Carlos almost slapped himself for thinking something so cruel, but he agreed with it nonetheless. Bethany had seriously messed up, and she knew it was wrong from the beginning.

And Carlos knew just the way to make sure she _never, ever,_ did something like that again to anyone.

"Bethany? C-Can I tell you something? Like, can I really trust you? I haven't told this to _anyone_ yet, except my three friends." Bethany looked at him and nodded firmly.

"Ever since I-I came to this school… my life's been a nightmare. At first, it was j-just the bullies… but then… it was e-everyone. Even… e-even my best friends. They turned on me a-and… they hated me. So did everyone else." Carlos stopped, letting out a small sob.

"Carlos, you-you don't have to go on. If you don't want to-"

Carlos shook his head. "No, no, I-I want to." Wiping away his tears, he continued.

"Then… then I r-realized I had dyslexia… and everything was so hard for me. And p-people laughed at me for being… s-stupid. And then… and then my parents… they had a huge f-fight and they… they filed a divorce. My mom never talked to me again and my dad… h-he hates me."

He could practically see the guilt eating away at Bethany. She felt horrible for what she'd done. Carlos would've just stopped there, but he felt like he had to at least tell one person other than his friends and Mrs. Knight and Katie. And if he had to choose someone, it'd be Bethany. The girl who'd hurt him the most.

"One day… it just got too much. K-Kendall… he punched me and James and Logan l-laughed at me… and then my dad told me he h-hated me. But when I got to school… p-people beat me up and then I saw you and- you told me it was a p-prank…" By this time, tears were streaming down his face and Bethany looked like she'd been crushed by rock. A really big rock.

"I ran up to the roof… and I th-thought about everything. All th-the mean stuff they said about me… and then it got t-to much. You were the last straw, Bethany. W-when I thought about you… I… I jumped. That's how I ended up in the hospital." Carlos finished, sniffling.

It felt good to finally tell someone at school what happened, so they wouldn't keep thinking his "accident" was actually an accident. For some reason, he _wanted_ people to know what happened to him. He _wanted_ them to feel guilty. Carlos hated himself for thinking that, but he thought it nonetheless.

"It wasn't an accident?" Bethany said, her voice soft and high pitched. Carlos slowly but surely nodded his head.

"I… I did this to you. Oh gosh, Carlos… I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" Bethany cried, her face in her hands. She was now sobbing softly, and people were starting to stare. Carlos met Kendall's eyes from across the shop.

Without a second of hesitation, Kendall, James, and Logan stood up and walked to where Carlos and Bethany were sitting. Carlos had a feeling that they'd been watching them the whole time. He'd never bothered to check.

"You alright, buddy?" Kendall asked softly, sitting down beside Carlos and wrapping an arm around him. Carlos nodded.

"Yeah… I… I-I told her about the thing." None of them needed any explanation for what "the thing" meant.

"Then I guess you feel horrible." James said to Bethany. It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"I-I'm so sorry about all this…" Bethany cried. Kendall, James, and Logan shared a glance with each other, deciding that Bethany was truly sorry about what she did. James and Logan sat next to the crying girl, patting her on the shoulder and telling her not to worry.

It was close to comforting, but not quite. The five teenagers sat at that corner booth of the smoothie shop, crying and comforting and talking to each other, until the store closed and they all headed home.

As Carlos buckled his seatbelt and leaned his tired head against Kendall's shoulder, he thought maybe Bethany wasn't so bad after all.

**A/N- Aw, wasn't that just so adorable? I loved it; don't know about you guys, though… **

**Anyways, I'm really REALLY sorry to say this, but I think next chapter is… *sobs* the last chapter of this story.**

**I want to thank every single person who has- wait, you know what? I'll wait for the next chapter to do that. This is all just so emotional, ya know?**

**Anyways, please make me happier by reviewing… this may be one of your last chances. So, please, tell me what you think of Bethany. You forgive her, or do you not? **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	33. Aftermath

_**Chapter 33**_

Bethany had spread the word around about what had happened to Carlos. Carlos had let her, because he wasn't strong enough to tell anyone other than his friends. The bullies immediately left him alone, and teachers started acting nicer to him than they ever had.

Carlos didn't understand why people were so much nicer to him just because he'd tried to kill himself. Why couldn't they just be nice to him naturally? Why did it take risking his life for people to start feeling guilty about how mean they were being? Carlos didn't get it, and he'd probably never would.

Mrs. Knight had called Carlos's mom to check on how she was doing. Mrs. Garcia had been angry, sad, depressed, and a little insane. After talking with Carlos's mom for a few hours, Mrs. Knight made a deal with her. She would take care of Carlos for a few years until she got herself back together. The Knights would adopt Carlos temporarily, and then return custody to Mrs. Garcia when she was ready to take care of her child again.

Needless to say, Kendall thought it was the coolest thing ever to have Carlos as his little brother. No one was ever able to contact Mr. Garcia again. No one knew where he was, and he changed his number and his whole name.

Carlos was devastated. He loved his Papi, and now he was gone. And he hadn't even bothered to say good bye. Carlos missed a whole week of school just sitting at home crying over his missing father. The guys tried to be there for him, but they knew that it was Carlos's battle alone.

And since Carlos's dad was the one to give Carlos his precious helmet, Carlos was more protective of it now than ever. He let no one touch it, and he slept with it on every single night. He hurt anyone who made fun of it or tried to take it away, so no one even bothered trying anymore.

It took quite a while, but soon, Carlos was back to his normal self, the one who jumped up and down and had corndog eating contests. The guys stuck by Carlos's side every second of the day. They even had the principal change their schedules so they were all in the same classes together.

The old bullies never touched Carlos again. They acted nice around him and treated him like some fragile expensive vase. His friends decided it was better than beating him up every day, so they let it slide. There always came new kids who pushed Carlos around, but Kendall, James, and Logan always made sure they got their consequences.

Carlos attempting suicide really put the school into chaos. Everyone was talking about it when the news came out, and Carlos had to skip school for a few days so he wouldn't be overwhelmed by the students, teachers, and even the paparazzi that followed Big Time Rush around. When things cooled down, the school had a whole assembly about bullying and suicide, and how to prevent it. The teachers and other staff started looking out for signs of bullying and teasing.

Though it was a good thing, some people were still angry that the school had started caring about bullying so late in time. Lots of others were bullied, too, not as badly as Carlos was, but badly enough that they had complaints. The school improved greatly after this change. People even started calling it the "Garcia Program" because of what had happened to Carlos. Carlos didn't really care, and his friends thought it was kind of cool, so the name stuck.

The bullies who'd affected Carlos the most got a week of suspension and some other punishments. There were rumors saying that those kids would graduate high school a year late because of their actions. Kendall, James, Logan, and Carlos didn't feel bad for them one bit.

Carlos's life was back to normal. He went to school ate, slept, did his homework, and did crazy things with his friends. He wasn't as secure about himself as he was before, but no one expected him to fully recover from his traumatic experience. No one could.

The boys were happy when school ended. On the last day of school, the school even gave Carlos a medal for some weird citizen reason. The guys didn't really get the whole concept of it, but Carlos held onto the medal like it was his life. It obviously meant a lot to him.

And the best part was that instead of pushing him around like they used to, the people in Carlos's classes congratulated him and patted him on the back. They smiled at him and two girls even gave Carlos their numbers. Carlos was so happy that he completely forgot about the Jennifers.

Life went on, everything was great. The guys were starting their summer, and they had huge plans for it. Gustavo had known what had happened to Carlos, and being the _nice_ guy he was, planned a trip for the guys to Hawaii, the place Carlos had always dreamed of going.

"You guys ready to go?" Logan called out to his other friends. He heard muffled replies in return, and rolled his eyes. His friends always took so long to pack all their things, it was annoying.

When the guys finally came out, pulling their suitcases along, it was almost time for them to go. James clamped his hand on Carlos's plastic helmet, grinning.

"You ready for this, buddy? I mean, you've only been dreaming about this your whole life!" Carlos beamed, bouncing with excitement.

"I'm totally ready! I've never been so ready before!" He declared. His friends laughed.

There was silence, and Kendall broke it. "Carlos, buddy, you know we're gonna be there for you forever, right? Until we die?" They were all afraid Carlos wouldn't trust them again after what they'd done, but so far, Carlos was doing a good job of forgiving them.

Carlos nodded. "I know. You've told me that, like, ten times every day!"

James smiled. "Yeah, because we don't want you to forget it. What happened, Carlos, it was our fault. We caused you to… go over the edge." He was speaking literally and metaphorically.

"But now we've changed, Carlos. We've learned from our mistakes. And I promise you, Carlos, I will never leave you again." Logan stated firmly.

"Me, too." Kendall agreed.

"Me, too." James repeated.

"You're supposed to say 'Me three,' stupid!" Kendall punched James in the shoulder playfully.

"Well, I don't want to."

"Well, you're supposed to."

"But I'm not."

"You're breaking the rules."

"There _are_ no rules, Kendall."

"Yeah-"

Logan interrupted them. "Shut up already, will you? We're gonna miss the plane!" The guys stopped bickering when they realized that Logan was right. They hurried out into the Palm Woods lobby, where they stood outside and waited for the limo.

Kendall clamped his hand on Carlos's shoulder again. "I swear, Carlos, we'll never leave you. You'll never be alone. We'll be together forever."

Carlos smiled back, tears in his eyes. He was crying because he had almost killed himself. He'd almost missed out on a great moment like this one. What he did wasn't worth it, and if he were dead right now, he'd totally regret it. Because when things were bad, they always got better. And when things were great, they always got worse. But he didn't worry about that.

The guys piled onto the car, silent and thinking and excited for their trip. They looked over at James questioningly when he started chuckling to himself.

"What?" They asked simultaneously.

James snorted. "Together forever? That's so cheesy."

**A/N- *sniffles* It's over, guys, it OVER! I'm so sad it's sad… if that even makes sense. But seriously, guys, thank you so much for all your support and all the awesome reviews! I got over 400, and that's AWESOME! I love you guys so much, so now I'm gonna thank you guys personally:**

**To all my awesome reviewers (and whoever new reviews this chapter):**

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**Whew. That was a LOT of reviewers, and every one of you is awesome! If I repeated your name… well, isn't that a good thing to see you name TWICE? ;) But if I didn't include your name… I'm so sorry. I'll even write a one shot for you if you tell me… my brother was screwing up my computer today… sigh. **

**Ooh! I've been noticing lots of people asking me when I'm gonna update my story "Then There Were None", and I have an answer. I will repost it sometimes this week or the next one. I've got half of the first chapter done already. The plot may be different, so don't expect anything. And also, please vote on my poll for who you want to be one the last survivor(s). Please? ;) I hope you guys will like that story. **

**Anyways, I really really really enjoyed all your support, and thanks you so so so SO much. I am so blessed to have you guys… and thank for everything. **

**I love you all,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


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